Page 108 of The Never List
“Is there a chance that shedidsend a letter?” Layceasks, her expression empathetic. “You know how shoddy the post is in…that area,” she says, rolling her eyes at her almost slip. “Maybe she sent one and you didn’t get it.”
I laugh darkly at that, then take another sip of tea. “Could you imagine?” I shake my head. “That all my answers are in some lost letter? That all my attempts at searching for her have been a pathetic attempt from a grieving sister?”
“It’s not pathetic,” Ivy says.
“Maybe the Legends will find something,” Layce says hopefully.
“Maybe,” I say, setting my teacup down. “Of course, I do feel there are quite a few other things I should be worrying about.”
“You don’t say?” Ivy asks sarcastically, and we all laugh, lightening up some of the heaviness.
“Being a mate potential certainly comes with its fair share of responsibilities and worries,” Layce adds. “But yourclothes,” she says dramatically. “You were born for those.”
We all laugh harder, simultaneously reaching for our teas and taking sips, the levity disappearing just a little as we come back down to reality.
“Are you going to choose them in the end?” Layce asks this time.
My heart immediately saysyes, a silent, solid decision already tattooed across my soul.
“Whenever I envision the final Choosing ceremony,” I whisper, “I see myself there, and even though I’m terrified of the Athanry, I can’t see myself saying no to any of them.”
My friends sit up straighter at that declaration, sharing a glance before returning their focus to me.
“Even the Nightmare?” Ivy asks quietly.
My heart flutters in my chest, apprehension tingling across my skin. “Like I said, Jax is complicated. I suppose I’ll learn more in a couple of weeks.”
“And the Athanry?” Ivy shifts closer to me. “Have you learned any more about it?”
“Not as much as I’d like,” I admit. “Every month, we’re forced to have a dinner with the kings, but the topic has never come up. Whenever Baydel is around, his disposition is so prickly toward me that I don’t dare ask anything.”
“And the Legends?”
“They know about as much as we know,” I answer. “After I choose the Legends, I submit myself to the goddesses, and they determine if I’m worthy of being with them for eternity.”
We all fall silent, no doubt washed away by our own imaginings of such an event.
Ivy breaks the silence, looking at me with determination. “You will survive. I’ve told you that since the beginning. You have to.”
“I know,” I say despite fear’s cold chill clinging to my skin.
“And then you’ll be a queen,” Layce says with a bit of reverence. “Have you thought about that at all?”
“I haven’t,” I admit. “I’ve been living each day in fear…” I look at them both, and they nod, understanding without me having to explain the specifics of that fear. “While also in wonder,” I continue. “The idea of being able to spend the rest of my existence with each of them is as incredible as it is terrifying.”
Terrifying because it means I have more people in mylife to lose. And after knowing how badly it hurts to lose my family, I can’t imagine losingmore. Opening my heart to that kind of loss is a scary proposition, but I am powerless against it.
“Tell us something,” Layce says, reaching for another cookie. “Something less heavy, please.”
I smile softly at her. “You would die at the amount of clothes and jewelry and adornments I’ve been given along this journey.”
“Ah.” Layce almost moans with relief. “I am properly jealous, and I’ll be stealing from said stash the moment we’re free to see each other every day again.”
“You know, I feel like if I asked to see you two every day, the Legends would make it so. I could probably ask for you two to be carted around with me like special pieces of luggage.”
Ivy playfully smacks me. “We are no such things. If anything, we’d be the most epic of entourages.”
We all laugh, and it feels so good to be normal with my friends again.
