Page 91 of When the Time Is Right
After all, we’d done a lot to it in the short time we’d lived there, and then it had gone untouched for years.
It was shocking how little I felt connected to the house after all the furniture had been donated and the Parkers had taken Brenden’s personal things. It was empty and didn’t feel like the same place I’d once lived.
It wasn’t my home anymore, so it was time to say goodbye.
For real this time.
I was sitting on the freshly mopped wooden floor in the living room, leaning back on my arms, when the unfamiliar urge to talk to Brenden hit me.
“Hey, Bren. It’s been a while, huh? I’m not really sure what to say, but leaving without saying anything doesn’t feel right, either. God, we had big dreams for this place, and it’s sad to see them go with it. But when you left, nothing felt right for a long time. This house. Your things. Our life. It just didn’t belong to me without you.”
I coughed and cleared the lump in my throat.
“You know how much I loved you, but you went on a journey where I couldn’t follow, and it almost killed me, being left behind. And it’s taken me a lot of years to find the right way to start moving again, but I’m ready now. So, if you’re watching down over me, I hope that makes you happy. Because, wherever you are up there, I pray the track is fast and the big fish are biting.”
I pulled my lip through my teeth and pushed forward, wanting to get everything remaining in my heart for him out.
“Your mom and dad and sisters are okay, and so am I. And, Bren, I’m in love again and I want you to know that will never change how I loved you, but it’s different with Hudson. Good different. He’s a great guy. The best, and you knew that too. He’s perfect for me—the me now—but I can’t give him half of my heart and keep the other half frozen in time, where you’re still here, out of guilt. Because you’re not here.”
I climbed to my feet and walked to the door.
“So this is where I finally say goodbye. And tell my Grampa, if you see him, not to be mad I lost his car. Hudson will take care of both of us.”
After closing the wooden door and locking it up, I walked to the edge of the yard near the road and stuck the for-sale sign in the dirt. As I drove away, I looked out over the pasture where he used to spend hours doing laps and waved goodbye to my past one last time.By the time I got home and showered, I felt a new sense of accomplishment. All the sadness and finality from earlier eased, and the weight of how much that baggage had been was once and for all off my shoulders.
I’d done it. On my own. On my terms.
Then I wondered how long I should wait before I called Hudson or questioned if I should just go to his house instead. I missed him, and the urge to tell him what I’d been able to do in the last few weeks made me antsy.
I put lotion on, slipped into a silky bra and panties set, and then put on a cute romper that tied on my shoulders and would make him crazy when he tried to get into it. I let my hair air dry into waves and left it down, and then I threw on a coat of mascara and some lip gloss. Giving myself one last glance in the mirror, I smiled.
“It’s time to get my man back.”
I threw my purse over my shoulder, checked the cats’ food and water, and then headed to my door. But just as I opened it, I startled, finding him standing on the other side.
I gave him the biggest grin I had, hoping he’d know without me having to say it, that soon was over and there was nothing in our way now.
“Fancy meeting you here. I was just headed to your house.”
He ran his fingers through his hair and darted his gaze around as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
Something was off.
“Hudson, are you okay?”
He huffed and stepped up to me. “We need to talk.”
We did need to talk, and I had a lot to say. It was evident that he was at the end of his rope with this time-out, and my news was clearly coming just in time before he lost his patience.
“Okay. Let’s go in.” I reached out for his hand, but he breezed by me into the living room and paced in the center of the floor.
I hadn’t really prepared a speech or anything. I sort of just guessed I’d tell him everything conversationally, over dinner or as he puzzled his way into my outfit, and then that would be it. But the way he was acting made me want to rush to get it out. So I grabbed his hands, making him stop the frantic back-and-forth.
