Page 95 of Passed Ball

Before she gets away I snag her arm. "Think of me while you're in there, but don't take too long, we need to leave in an hour." I love the way it makes her shiver.

"You're the worst. There's a baby in the room, sir." She playfully shoves at me, breaking my hold.

"The worst? I thought you were my biggest fan, especially with how you screamed my name four times."

"No one likes a show-off!" she hollers back, disappearing down the hall.

"Don't listen to her. She likes this show-off," I tell Holland.

When Vivienne comes back freshly showered, we switch places. The domesticity of it all makes me long for something I didn't think I missed. After my mom died, I wasn't sure I would ever know what it felt like to have a family again. Then there were a few months when Kristy and I first got together, before she showed her true colors, that I thought maybe I could have something like it with her. But she never wanted this life.

The custody hearing is coming up, and I'm antsy, but Holland and I can't continue to live like this. Merely thinking about the situation she's put us in has my muscles tensing.

When I step into the master bathroom and see evidence of Vivienne there: her towel hanging on the rack, her overnight bag still visible on my bed, her toothbrush on my counter, that melts away. There's a woman downstairs who, regardless of labels, wants to be here--with us--and I hang on to that knowledge.

After a quick shower, I dry myself off, eager to get back to the two girls waiting for me, but first, I shoot off a quick text to my lawyer because I can't let go of the sense that I'm not doing enough to protect my daughter.

Xavier:

No changes?

Colin:

No. Still in Florida. I don't think she will show for the hearing.

As far as I know, she hasn't retained a lawyer.

Xavier:

And if I'm ready to pursue

terminating her rights? Would that be . . . final?

Colin:

Legally, yes. And based on her behavior since

Holland's birth, I'd say it's likely a judge would

agree even if she contests.

For now, we should keep pursuing full custody

and consider the next steps carefully.

Xavier:

Holland deserves better.

Colin:

And that's what the court will look at:

Holland's best interests.

The idea of fighting Kristy on it sours my mood. Forcing her out was never the goal; I wanted this to be her choice. But maybe her silenceisher choice and I'm just not ready to accept that.

Unprepared to face a decision of that magnitude and taint any more of this otherwise perfect morning, I slip my phone into my pocket and take the steps two at a time, finding the one thing guaranteed to make me smile, Holland and Vivienne, playing together on the living room floor like it's the most natural thing in the world.