Page 96 of Secrets and Ruin

“Never again,” he whispered. “Not both of you. I can’t take it. If I had lost even one of you, I would have been destroyed, but the possibility of losing both of you...”

I kissed the man until his son made a gagging nose. Turning around, all the men who followed me home were staring. Only Makalo didn’t look entirely grossed out. He wasn’t even looking at us. He and Carey were talking and looking at something on her phone.

“Teenagers,” Heath muttered in my ear.

I chuckled, glad that teenagers were the scariest thing I had in my immediate future.

We loaded into my car and Heath’s truck, trying to fit everyone. We couldn’t unless people rode in the bed of Heath’s truck, which Jabari agreed to. It wasn’t a lack of seats, but the size of the passengers that was the problem. Heath ended up with Makalo and Carey in his truck and Jabari hiding in the bed. I had Dirk and Landon in the back and Niko riding shotgun. It was tricky because there were multiple conditions. Niko wanted to ride with Dirk. Dirk wanted to ride with Landon. Carey had to ride with her dad, and Jabari promised to keep his son close. Heath wanted to ride with Landon because I had to drive, but there was no way all of them were going to fit in Heath’s truck.

It was a fun problem to have, a sudden fullness to my life I hadn’t expected when I left for Germany, chasing a man who took us all by surprise.

When we got to my home, we tried to figure out where to put everyone. Jabari muttered about just building a big guest house in my territory instead of making him rent a vehicle to use the mansion in Dallas. I gave up, telling them my room and Carey’s room were off-limits before going to find some quiet. Heath followed me, and I knew he had something to say.

“Yes?” I asked, sitting on the edge of my bed.

“When Teagan woke up and I told him everything, he asked me to drive him back to Dallas. Apparently, before all of this, just last week, Fenris had Teagan put something with his will. Teagan didn’t think much of it. People do things like that all the time as people become important to them. Teagan kept it confidential because he knew Fenris needed to be trusted.”

“Yeah…” It still hurt. Even with everything that had exploded in my family, thinking of Fenris still hurt so much, and there was no one who really understood. Heath was the closest, and I was glad to be back to him, but he hadn’t been there for those moments when I knew it was Fenris and not Rainer, and I didn’t want to burden him with them.

Heath went to his bedside table and pulled out an envelope.

I took it, seeing my name written on the front.

“He left me a letter with his will?” I asked, swallowing the painful need to cry right there.

“He did.” Heath leaned down to kiss my forehead. “You believed in him. Through it all, his history, his behavior, you believed in him, even before I could bring myself to. I haven’t read it, but I can see why he left it for you. Now, I’m going to leave you to read it. Or, not read it.”

I nodded, letting him leave me to this private thing. I gently tore it open, trying to make sure I could preserve it later.

Jacky,

If you have this letter,I lost control, and I’m definitely dead. You, Landon, Heath…you would never let me live for the betrayal. It started when I realized who Dirk is. I can’t tell anyone. It’s like there’s magic stopping me. There must be. It doesn’t matter. I’m finally figuring out why I am fucking crazy.

You showed me something else, and I’ve been trying to live that life you want. It’s a really nice thing, you know. Good people around you, all of them. Good things to fight for. With you, I finally fought for good things.

I know this thing in my head won’t let me stay in your good world. It will always be there. I’m going to enjoy this as much as I can, but I am losing myself. I wish I could warn you, but I can only get away because I know Teagan’s too noble to break the rules. I black out. I don’t know what’s happening.

I’m sorry I can’t stay in your world. I’m sorry I can’t join you. Keep giving people like me chances. Keep changing lives. You’re pretty good at it. I think you’ll get the world you want one day if you keep trying. If anyone can do it, it will be you.

Fenris

Slowly puttingthe letter to the side, I cried and let it go—all the pain of his betrayal, all the hurt of losing him. That mad, wonderful wolf.

I will. I’ll keep trying for you.

When the tears dried out, I stood. Folding the letter and putting it back in its envelope, I put it in a drawer of my bedside table and took a deep breath.

Two of my brothers were downstairs, probably still fighting over who got to sleep on the couch. Dirk and Landon probably left Niko with us even though it would have been more than reasonable for them to take him to their place. They had the space. Carey was probably hanging out in her room with Makalo, even though I said it was off-limits to all visitors.

Opening the door, I headed downstairs. I looked at my family, and for a moment, I wished I had known Fenris was part of it before all of this. After a few moments, I realized the important part.

I hadn’t needed to know he was part of my family through Niko. He had been from the moment he decided to join us here.

“Are you okay?” Heath asked me from the bottom of the stairs.

“I will be.” I took his hand and went to spend time with the family I had left, knowing very well that I still had a lot of work to do.