Page 155 of Run
“Dude, I’m OK,” he says softly, rubbing Fonz’s back affectionately just like he did mine.
“Yeah, I’m sorry, Fonz. I was just trying to lighten the mood.” I step over and put a hand on his leg. “He’s your best friend, of course you were worried. He’s lucky to have you.”
After a while, Fonz clears his throat. “I’m just upset because if you guys die, I can’t afford the tax bill on that house all by myself, and I don’t want to move back home.”
“Can’t you just move in with Matt?”
Fonz shrugs. “I mean, I’d love to, but I’m not sure my asshole could handle his stamina every night.”
“Wow,” Ethan says at the same time that I shriek, “Oye!” and cover my eyes.
A knock at the door causes all three of us look over and see Lizzie standing in the doorway. As Fonz climbs off the bed, I’m about to ask how she heard about the fire so fast, but Ethan speaks up. “Bet that police radio scanner was lighting up tonight, eh?”
Lizzie pulls her shoulders up guiltily. “I had no idea it had anything to do with you guys until just a few minutes ago. I heard the calls going out for a structure fire, and when they called for backup for a fully involved fire I called Monty, and we got to the house at about the same time. He got some active shots. I talked to the firefighters. It wasn’t until the coroner provided the name Axel to me that the wheels started to turn.”
Ethan clears his throat. “You, uh, looking for a quote?”
Oh, shit, I didn’t even think about that. “You’re writing an article.” I say it as a statement.
Lizzie cringes. “Yeah, I am. But I’m not asking for a quote. That’s not why I’m here.” She steps further into the room and up to the bedside, placing a hand on Ethan’s upper arm. “I’m here as a friend … And as a friend, I gotta tell you, Ethan, you look like that guy fromThe Gooniesright now.”
Fonz barks out a laugh, then looks over at Ethan. “I love you, Chunk,” he quotes the movie.
“Seriously, though,” Lizzie continues, “you both look horrifying, and soon I’m going to need someone to fill me in on what happened. In the meantime,” she speaks to Ethan, “I’ll tell Cherise to call that freelancer to take over for you for the week.”
“Thanks.”
Lizzie smiles tightly. “Well, I’ll get going. Let me know if you need anything, OK?”
I walk over to give Lizzie a hug. “Knox wanted to come,” she says quietly. “But we didn’t want to bombard you. He sends his love.”
As she leaves, more tears threaten, so I head for the bathroom. “Ari,” Ethan calls, but I ignore him as I close the door behind me and lean against it. I breathe deeply in and out. In … Out …
It’s too much. Axel’s death. Ethan’s pain. The reminder of the state I was in only a few years ago when I stepped in front of Knox’ truck and the unexpected friendships that came from that encounter.
No. Nope. Now is not the time for a breakdown. Instead, I summon up an old mantra I haven’t had to recite for quite some time.
Do not cry. Don’t you dare cry.
I run the water, splashing some on my face before taking several deep breaths and exiting the bathroom. When I do, Fonz is gone.
Ethan has his bed inclined all the way, and his heavy gaze finds mine. “It’s OK to be sad,” he says quietly. “I know he was the only dad you knew growing up. And I know I always gave you hell for caring about him, but that doesn’t mean I was right. It must hurt. And it must hurt that Lena hasn’t even checked on you, even though she’s got to know by now what happened.”
I bring my hands up to cover my face as a sob breaks free—mantra be damned—and hear Ethan shuffling on the bed. “No,don’t.” I force out as he slings his legs over the side and I hurry over to him—and right into his open arms.
He wraps around me as I settle between his legs and cry into his shoulder. “Shhhh.” He strokes my head. “It’s OK. We’re OK. We’re going to be alright. That’s all that matters.” He rubs a circle on my back. “As long as we’re here, and together, nothing else matters. Just breathe, baby. Just breathe.”
I sob and sob, my chest shaking and my lungs straining to suck in air, and Ethan holds me tighter, which must hurt because I feel him jerk against me. “You … and me,” I get out between heaves. “It’s you … and me.”
Ethan continues to stroke my hair and back. “No, Ari. It’s you and me … and Fonz, and the Millers, and Sophie, my mom, and my dysfunctional work friends—our friends. That’s our family. You hear me? Fuck Axel, who is rotting in hell right now. And fuck Lena.”
I sob even more, and I feel Ethan’s chest shudder, too.
“I wish I could love you enough to make up for all the people who never showed you how much you deserved to be loved,” he says.
And then I completely fall apart. “You do, Ethan. You always have.”
It doesn’t take much more convincing to get me to lay down with him, and when I do, Ethan falls apart right alongside me. Maybe it’s the adrenaline from the night’s events. Maybe it’s goddamn trauma. Maybe it’s just pure exhaustion.
