Page 138 of Run
He’s really nice, Momma. He has eyes the color of chocolate syrup, and a little scar on his lip. He called me Ari. I’ve never had a nickname before. He also called me Red, because of my hair. But he wasn’t saying it to be mean.
No, he’s not mean. He’s really kind. He sat with me until it was safe to go back home and told me to go to his window next time Papa comes looking for me. I’ve never had that before—a place to go when I’m scared.
I’ve also never had a friend. I think that’s who this boy is, Momma. He’s my first real friend.
Gingerly folding the letter back up, I move to slide it back into the envelope, but Ethan reaches out and takes it from me. He holds it against his chest and takes a deep breath, as if in pain. His head is resting back against the wall now as he locks eyes with me. “More,” he whispers.
I curl my lips between my teeth and turn back to the box. Skipping a few envelopes, I pluck one and a grin forms when I start reading.
Dear Momma,
My friend Ethan brought me brownies today and shared them with me. They were so good. They were from Fonz’s mom. Fonz is our other friend. Hear that, Momma, I have two friends!
Ethan is sitting next to me right now. We’re in Papa’s old car. He’s snoring and it’s funny. Since he’s asleep, I keep peeking over at the scar on his lip. He called it a cliff lip, whatever that means.
Ethan chuckles next to me.
I fold up that letter and hold it out to the side, and Ethan takes it. “More?” He nods.
I skip over a few envelopes and pull one out, but that letter is just about school, so I return it and skip some more before getting to a good one.
Dear Momma,
Ethan has his license now and sometimes he drives me around in his dad’s car. If I’m being honest, he’s not that great of a driver, but I don’t care because I know he would never get in a crash with me in the car. He wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me when he’s around.
In fact, the other day, the rope swing the boys put up over the creek broke and I went flying into the water. It was so embarrassing! I was too busy trying not to look pathetic in front of the boys that I didn’t even realize I scraped my elbow on a rock. But Ethan did. He took me back to his house and put a Band-Aid on it.
“I remember that day,” Ethan says hoarsely. “You bit it hard.”
“I was so embarrassed.” I put a hand over my face as Ethan takes the letter from me and adds it to the pile he’s holding. He nods toward the box, indicating I should read another.
And I do. I read another and another and another, and we laugh and smile and sometimes even grow silent as we remember the times we went swimming in the creek, or rode bikes for miles, or sang along to country music as Ethan drove us around aimlessly.
Eventually he lays down with his head in my lap, and I stroke his naked back, shoulder, and arm as I keep reading letters.
I pull one out and skim over it, then quickly fold it back up and start to slide it back in the envelope, but Ethan stops me.
“Nuh, uh. I felt you tense up just now. What is that letter about?”
“Nothing. It’s boring.”
“Yeah, right.” He pulls the letter from my hands. “I’ll read this one, if you won’t.”
Embarrassed, I tip my head back against the wall and continue to rub his arm as he starts to read.
Dear Momma,
I can’t stop touching my lips. I keep pressing my fingertips to them, afraid this tingling feeling will go away.
Ethan kissed me tonight. Just now. We danced in his backyard and he took my face in his hands and kissed me. It was just like in the movies. If I’m being honest, I didn’t think Iwould ever like the feeling of a boy’s tongue in my mouth. But Ethan’s was soft and silky and he was so gentle.
And the butterflies! I’ve heard songs about them and read books about them and seen movies where they talk about the butterflies, and today I felt them! I still feel them. They are swarming around my belly and my chest, and I hope they never stop.
I don’t know how any other kisses will ever be as good as that kiss. I’m afraid Ethan may have ruined me. What do I do if the next boy I kiss doesn’t make me feel like this?
What if I never want to kiss another boy? Because right now, I feel like I could never think of kissing a boy who isn’t Ethan James.
We are both quiet for a moment, and I can feel myself flushing with embarrassment. “I should have just let Harris Winkler grope me in the back of his brother’s car.”
