Page 134 of Run
“Did, uh … Did you have to bury a body?” I’m not sure if I’m trying to be funny. Honestly, I don’t know how else to ask whether he killed Axel and if the police will be looking for him.
He huffs. “Wish I could say I did.” When I don’t reply, he offers up. “He wasn’t there. Waited all night for him, but he never showed.”
I think about that for a minute. “You know,” I try to recall, “I think he did say something about going out of town to pick up some engine parts.” Ethan looks unfazed as he tugs on his other boot. “You didn’t sleep,” I say. It’s not a question.
He shakes his head as he laces that boot. “Nah, too wired.” When he’s done he rests his elbows on his knees and looks at the ground.
“Where are you going?” It’s Sunday, so I assume he doesn’t have to work.
“I’m just going to head into the office for a few hours. We’ve got another special section this week and I could stand to get ahead on some things.” He clasps and unclasps his hands in front of him.
“Oh.” I scratch my neck. He doesn’t want to be here with me. “I can leave. I mean, if you don’t want me to be here, I can go back to my place. Give you space.”
“Your place is here, Ari.” I bring my eyes up to find him looking at me. He looks so tired. So, so tired. “Do you want to be here? With me?”
I nod repeatedly. “Yes.”
We both look away and sit in silence. After a while, I speak quietly. “There are so many things I wish I could undo.”
His head is down, but I see him nodding. “I don’t doubt that, baby.”
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Ask me anything. I promise I will be completely honest.” He raises his head and looks at me through strained eyes. “I have a lot of questions, Ari. But I’m too pissed to ask them right now.” His eyes bore into mine. “I am so fucking mad at you.”
If I thought anger was an appropriate form of punishment, I was wrong. Feeling the hurt and disappointment radiating off Ethan is a whole new form of pain.
He sighs and rubs his hands on his knees. “Really, you should go lay in bed.” When I shake my head vehemently, he changes tact. “What are you going to do today?”
I curl around myself tighter. “I’m going to sit right here and wait for you to come home.”
He frowns. “Why?”
“Because I’m worried.”
He smirks, but it’s not playful. “That makes two of us.” Ethan pushes himself into a standing position. “Do me a favor? Eat something, yeah?”
“You haven’t eaten anything,” I point out, knowing it’s true.
He grabs a hoodie off the couch next to him and tugs it over his head. “Don’t have much of an appetite.”
“That makes two of us,” I parrot him.
Ethan gives me a tight, forced smile, then swipes his keys, wallet, and phone off the coffee table. He takes three steps over to me, bends down, and kisses my head again. “See you later,” he murmurs against my hair. When he gets to the door, he opens it but pauses and looks back at me. “Would you ever …” He looks out the open door, then back at me, and I turn so I’m facing him. “Do things ever get as dark as they did the night of the accident?”
I tilt my head at him in question.
“What I mean is, would you ever do something like that again?”
It dawns on me what he’s asking, and my heart freefalls. “No!” I shout. “God, no. That was … That’s absolutely off the table. And that was a whole other time. I didn’t … I didn’t have you, Ethan.”
He nods and swallows. “OK.”
“And I’m never going back to that house. I will never talk to him again, I will never so much as speak his name. I’m done. It was one thing when he was hurting me, but I can’t bear it hurting you. I’m so, so sorry I never saw it before.”
Ethan runs his hand over his hair. “I should only be a few hours.” He walks out the door and pulls it closed with a soft click.
I have so much more I want to say, and I want to say it in such a better way, but the only thing that keeps repeating in my head is,“Please come back to me. Please come back to me. Please come back to me.”
I’m surprised when I hear his motorcycle fire up. He must really need a rush right now.
