Page 133 of Run
“You should go to him, Fonz. I know you guys are just making up. Don’t sit here with me when you could be mending things with him.”
“Nah, I’m making him sweat it out. Besides, I’m not going to leave you alone to wallow.”
I roll my eyes—well, my good eye. “I’m fine. Really. I’m just going to wait for Ethan to come home. Although he may ask me to leave.”
He shakes his head some more. “Not gonna happen.”
I look out the window into the darkness. “I’ve never seen him like that before.”
“I have.” I snap my head back toward Fonz. “The night of the attack. When Ethan and his parents got back from the hospital, I went to see him, and he was like a caged animal, stalking back and forth in his living room. DSS had taken you, and he was asking where you were and how long you would be gone. He was screaming and throwing shit. He even struck out at his dad and the guy had to tackle him to the ground and hold him in a bear hug—avoiding his injured hand, of course. I’m not even sureEthan really remembered much of the outburst the next day due to the pain meds they gave him that night.”
I stare at Fonz, speechless. “I had no idea.”
Fonz looks at me sadly. “Why do you think the guy has nightmares?”
My mouth falls open. Reality sets in as I close my eyes and tip my head against the side of the couch. Good God, what have I done to him? “Here I thought maybe I could cure his nightmares, but it turns out, I’m the cause.”
“Not you,” Fonz bumps his foot against mine. “Axel. All this shit isn’t your fault, Ari. It’s his.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and run my hands up into my ratty hair that dried all scraggly and knotted. I pull at the roots and let the sting soothe me.
“I can’t imagine what it must have been like for him to see you like that all the time,” Fonz says softly. “It was intense, seeing you bloody and shivering tonight. For him to have helped you through that multiple times, and when you guys were so young, it couldn’t have been easy.”
I shake my head as my throat tightens. “It wasn’t. It was cruel, and he shouldn’t have had to do it.”
“He didn’t have to.”
I rest my chin on my arm, looking out the window. After a moment of silence, Fonz shuffles around. “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”
“You go. I’m gonna stay here.”
I can tell he wants to fight me, but then he lets it go. “Come get me if you need me.” As he passes by, he gives my shoulder a squeeze.
I stay awake and try to silence the thoughts running through my head all night. I stare out into the darkness, my eyes sometimes deceiving me into thinking I see headlights. My barearms and legs shiver as I sit, cold and alone, and wait for Ethan to come back to me—if he even will.
And I hate that I am not strong enough to help him outrun his demons.
***
The piercing sun blazes through the window onto my face. I’m in the same position I was last night, but now I have a blanket on me. I have no idea what time it is. Things are a little blurry, and I realize I can’t quite open my left eye all the way. Then I remember what happened.
Bringing my hand up, I gingerly touch my cheekbone and eyebrow and wince at the contact.
Music sounds from downstairs, and I know Ethan is working out. I want to go to him, but don’t know if that’s what he needs right now.
Before I can decide what to do, footsteps clamber as he comes up the stairs. I hear the refrigerator door open and close, and a moment later he slowly comes around the corner. He stops and we stare at each other, with nothing and everything passing between us. I see his eyes rove over my face, taking in the injuries that I’m sure look even worse this morning.
Finally, Ethan takes a tentative step forward, then another, until he stands over me. Bending down, he kisses my head and croaks out, “Morning, Red.” I look up and see his eyes are bloodshot with bags under them, his shirt is soaked in sweat, and he just looks overall … defeated. “Gonna grab a shower.” He turns and heads down the hallway.
I wish he would yell at me, throw things, scream and swear, and let me know how he feels, because anything would be better than wondering what he’s thinking and feeling right now.
After a while, I close my eyes and listen to the shower turn off, then the bathroom door open and close. I hear the banging of dresser drawers and the closet door, and then the jingling of a belt. I hear the bathroom faucet turn on and off, and the hum of Ethan’s electric toothbrush. Listening to the ambient sounds of his morning routine must put me into a trance-like state, because I startle when I hear his voice close to me.
“Why don’t you go to bed?” I pop my eye open and see him lowering himself onto the couch opposite me, tugging a boot on his foot.
I shake my head, and he frowns at me. “What time did you get home?” I ask softly.
He looks down at his hands as he laces his boot. “It was light out.” I notice little cuts on his fingers.
