Page 98 of Demo
I think my lip may have quivered.
“I’ve been thinking about all the time we spent together, all the big moments and life experiences and travel. And then about all the down time that one might think is just wasted time, but it wasn’t. It’s not. I loved Monica with every living cell in my body for every moment since we met, and she loved me back just the same. I’m sad she’s gone. I’m so incredibly sad. But there’s not a thing I would have done differently.”
As tears threatened to fall, I let out a heavy breath while Clyde looked back out the window, and this time it was me who followed his gaze over to Knox, who was kicking and cursing at the lawn mower as he stood back, hands on his hips, assessing the damage in front of him. I giggled, and then my hand flew up to my mouth, as if I had done something I needed to hide.
Knox’s dad rose as he pulled my hand away from my face, and then we were standing face-to-face, our clasped hands held up between our chests. I felt the chain around his neck where he wore Monica’s rings.
I swallowed. “I’m afraid I hurt him very badly, Clyde,” I said quietly. “I was scared, and I pushed him away. And I think we can get back to where we were, but what if I do it again?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “Don’t,” was all he said.
I tilted my head in question.
“Don’t do it again. Just make the decision you won’t do it again. It’s that simple.”
We stared at each other for a second before I said in a rush, “Well, I mean, when you put it that way …” and then I felt his chest move, like maybe,maybehe laughed a little.
Clyde gracefully let go of my hands and slid by me toward the door, pausing with his hand on the open doorframe, looking back at me.
“We’re all going to smile again, one day,” he said. “We’re all going to laugh. But in the meantime, I just don’t want my boy to have any regrets. Or you.”
I nodded and looked back out the window. Knox was crouched in front of the lawn mower with tools.
“And, Lizzie,” Clyde pulled my attention back to him one last time. “Call me Dad, will ya?”
A single tear streamed down my face as I smiled, he knocked on the doorframe once, and then walked away.
***
KNOX
Of course, the fucking thing wouldn’t start. It would have been way too kind of the universe to let one damn thing go right for me.
I ran a hand through my sweaty hair, replaced my backward ballcap, and stepped back, hands on my hips, as I glared at the machine. Then, like a rabid animal, I reared back and started kicking it, over and over and over again.
I heard the screen door slam shut and stopped my assault, looking over my shoulder at Lizzie standing there, pensive. She had that look on her face like something was on her mind, and everything inside me seized up. We hadn’t so much as acknowledged what was going on between us since Mom died, and we spent every single night together … and then started “sleeping” together.
And I wasn’t ready to have that conversation. Because the truth was, even if she was coming to tell me she was heading back to her apartment, that whatever we had been doing was a mistake or whatever other bullshit excuse she had, I wasn’t going anywhere. I let her push me away before, and I was never going to do it again. She could doubt me, hate me, be annoyed by me, but she was stuck with me.
Plain and simple.
Lizzie slowly prowled toward me, as if she could see I was coiled up like a snake, ready to attack.
She pulled a hand up to shield her eyes as she looked up at me, and in the shadow of her hand I got a good look at her eyes. They were red, like she had been crying. I saw her inside giving my dad a shave, and I could have sworn I saw them talking.
“What did that lawn mower ever do to you?” she asked as she stopped a few steps away from me.
I huffed out a rough laugh as I kicked the tire one last time. “Oh, nothing, I guess. Just the last shitty thing in a line of shitty things that have been coming at me as of late. Guess it’s not fair for the old thing to take the brunt of my aggression.”
A slight breeze pulled a lock of Lizzie’s hair across her face, and she dropped her hand from her eyes to tuck it behind her ear at the same time I reached out to do the same, and we both stopped short when our hands touched. She pulled back, but my hand lingered.
“Go ahead,” she said to my surprise. “I like when you do that.”
Slowly, I swept three fingers over her brow then behind her ear, effectively tucking the stray strand of hair away. “Shit,” I said, breaking the moment. “I, uh, I left motor grease on your face. Damn, hang on.” I grabbed the rag out of my back pocket and tried to rub away the black mark, but it remained. “Hang on,” I said again. Then, without thinking, I licked my thumb and rubbed it across the line. She smiled and placed her hands in the back pockets of her jeans as she let me tip her chin up at me with one hand, while I rubbed at the mark with the rag in the other.
These were the moments I missed most with her.
When I was done, Lizzie kept her eyes locked on mine. “Can I ask you something?” she asked softly.
