Page 129 of Demo
“I love you,” I say, leaning down to kiss her, but she turns away.
“I hate you.”
I grab her wrists in both of mine and raise them above her head again, continuing to thrust into her. Then I force my mouth over hers. “And I fucking love you. You hear me?” I feel her tremble, and then she stills, arches her back, and cries out.
I dive into her a few more times, then follow her orgasm and collapse on top of her, our sweaty bodies rising and falling as we both gasp for air. I kiss her shoulder, then her neck, then her face as I lift myself off her.
I pull my pants back up as we shift into sitting positions on the couch, then grab the blanket off the back of it and wrap it around Lizzie’s shoulders. I take her face in my hands. “Lizzie, look at me,” and for once, she listens. “You don’t feel shame, do you hear me? That’s not on you. That’s me. That’s all on me.”
She looks like she pities me, then puts one of her hands over mine on her cheek and leans into it. “That’s the thing, Knox. You don’t get to hurt someone and then tell them how they get to feel about it afterward. No matter how much you wish you could, you don’t have control over that. It just … is.”
Then she pushes off the couch, the blanket still wrapped around her, and heads toward the bedroom. “Lizzie,” I say as she gets to the open door, and she turns around. “I meant what I said. I still love you. I’ve never stopped. I will always love you.”
“I know,” she says. “I meant what I said, too.”
We share a sad smile. “I know,” I say.
Lizzie looks down, then back at me. “Extra blankets are still in the linen closet,” she says, then clicks her tongue and pats her leg, and Kennedy springs to life and follows her into the bedroom before she pushes the door shut.
Good boy.
Chapter 36
Three months ago …
KNOX
WhatthefuckdidI do?
I sat in the truck in the driveway of the apartment all day and into the night. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Lizzie’s face, full of devastation, hurt, disgust. And I’m the one who put it there.
I should have sought help after the accident. Both Jenny and I should have.
There I go again, making excuses …
Lizzie would never forgive me for this. She shouldn’t.
I ran my hands down my face as I looked back up at the living room window that overlooked the driveway, looking for some sign of life from inside. I just couldn’t leave. I knew she was in a bad place. I knew I broke her heart. I knew she had to be downright sick about it, and I couldn’t even comfort her the way I knew she needed.
I looked back up at the window and saw the curtains move. Then my phone started ringing andPrincess Consuelalit up the screen.
“Lizzie?” I answered quickly.
I could hear her garbled sobs and choppy breathing between the words she tried to bite out. “I can’t … I can’t …”
“I’m coming up,” I said as I opened the door to the truck, jumped out and ran toward the building, taking the stairs two at a time to get to her as quickly as I could. I tried the doorknob but it was locked, so I knocked quickly. Before I could bellow her name, it swung open, but she was already turned away from me, hands threaded through the roots of her hair, tugging as she paced.
Kennedy paced right alongside her, nervously wagging his tail and whimpering.
I could hear her trying to suck in air.
“Liz—”
“How could you?!” she choked out, and finally she turned to look at me, and I almost fell to my knees.
Her face was swollen and splotchy. Eyes so puffy I’m surprised she could see through them. Lips raw from chewing on them for hours. Her neck looked like she had been scratching at it. Her eyes were equal parts wild and defeated as I watched them dance back and forth between my own.
What have I done?
