Page 63 of Demo
“All of them?” I started to sweat.
“Yep. Some had plus signs. Some had two stripes. Some were digital so they actually said the word ‘PREGNANT’ right on them. One was kind of a purple, when it was either supposed to be blue or pink, but it was more of a pinkish purple.”
“Pinkish purple. Wow …”
I was suddenly struck with a sad image of Lizzie in her bathroom peeing on multiple sticks and watching the results come in, all alone, panicking. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I only just found out three days ago, Knox. I swear, I wouldn’t keep this from you for long. It was just kind of hard to get the words out, you know? Bram’s marriage proposal was a piece of cake considering this bombshell.”
“No, I mean, why didn’t you tell me when you suspected it? So you didn’t have to find out alone?”
She looked at me, and for the life of me I couldn’t place the emotion I saw on her face. “Knox,” she said slowly, “I’m not trying to trap you.”
What?
“I don’t think I can, you know … I mean, I know we have options, but I’m not sure I could, um, terminate. And in no way am I trying to say you have to make a decision right now or that you would have to do anything. I just, physically, I don’t think I could—”
I quickly reached out, grabbed her wrists and jerked her into my arms, feeling sorry for my cold response. Good lord, Lizzie had been marinating in this all alone. She had to suffer through holiday dinner with my family and my brother’s psychotic break as he proposed to the love of his life, right in front of us, while she’s been thinking about this life we created that’s just hanging there. Just existing between us.
She pulled away just enough to let out a ragged breath. “I’m sorry,” she said, eyes cast down.
“What?” I tilted her chin up to mine, but her eyes remained trained on the floor. “Baby, look at me.”
Her eyes snapped to mine, and I was lost in them. “First of all, why are you sorry? Sorry that you got pregnant? I’m the guy. Literally, the least I can do is wrap it up, and I didn’t. We’ve been fornicating like rabbits everywhere we go. What did we think was going to happen? So I’m the one who’s sorry, OK?”
I paused while she nodded, and a tear slipped down her face.
“No, you know what? Fuck that. I’m not sorry,” I changed course.
Lizzie pulled back, almost alarmed, but I kept my hands on her shoulders, briefly. “Hang on a sec. Just, let me work through this,” I said, pulling a hand away and twirling my index finger around my head, indicating that my wheels were spinning.
“Yep. You do you,” Lizzie said, again retreating to her arms-crossed stance.
I ran both hands through my hair and let out a long, hard breath, then sat down on the closed toilet seat as my thoughts swirled.
She’s pregnant. I’m going to be a father. Do I want to be a father? I mean, I guess I’ve always seen myself having kids. Not yet, of course. I thought Lyzbeth and I would have more time together. Just the two of us. But I was also afraid she would wise up and move on. But we could be a family. We could do the whole fucking thing. Marriage, kid, dog, house … This could be just the beginning.
Forearms resting on my spread knees, I looked up atthe mother of my unborn child—holy shit. She was chewing her thumbnail nervously. I reached out and grabbed her elbow, pulling her thumb out of her mouth, and slid my hand down her arm until her hand was in mine. “Let’s do this,” I said, looking her in the eyes. “Let’s have a fucking baby.”
Her bottom lip quivered. Her eyes darted around. “Knox.”
“What?” I asked, reaching out to grab her other hand and pulling her so she was standing in front of me, between my knees. I put my hands on her hips and rest my forehead on her lower stomach. “What’s going on in that head? Tell me.”
I actually heard her swallow. “You don’t have to. You’re a good guy, and I love that you are taking this so well and want to do the right thing. But you don’t have to.”
“I want to,” I said, tipping my head up at her so only my chin was resting on her stomach. “I want this, Lizzie. It wasn’t planned, and it’s crazy, but I’ll tell you what, my heart has never been so full.” I squeezed her hips slightly, urging her to look at me. To see me. “What doyouwant?”
She chewed her bottom lip and tears fell down her face. “I mean,” she wiped the back of her hand under each eye, “I guess we could give it a try. I could get a two-bedroom apartment, you know, for a nursery. And you and Bram have that office room at your apartment you could put a crib in. Do you think he would mind having the baby at your place some nights?”
I chuckled as I buried my face back in her midsection before pulling her onto my lap, straddling me. “You think we’re going to live separately?” I asked, placing her hands on my shoulders and wrapping mine around her waist.
“You want to move in together?” she asked.
Looking her straight in the eyes, I replied, “I want to get married.”
She scoffed. “Knox. Please.” She tried to push off me, but I wouldn’t let her.
“What?” I asked.
