Page 130 of Business Casual
“I want him. I don’t need him, but I want him all the time.”
Charlie, who has made himself content with living at the very edges. Charlie, who thinks he’s an imposition every time he visits. Charlie, who feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere. Charlie, who wanted to hide our relationship just as much as I did but for another reason entirely. Because he didn’t think he was good enough. Because he didn’t think he was worth it.
Charlie, who has never been anyone’s first choice. Who has never been wanted.
“I’m in love with him.” I exhale, the truth of it cracking open inside of me, filling me with a delicate, boundless light. I thought I’d be afraid of this feeling, but I’m not. I feel exactly the same as I did before but lighter, like the weight of all the things I’ve been carrying aroundhas somewhere else to go. Somewhere safe where it’ll be looked after with careful hands.
Someone with an easy smile and a flower on his wrist.
“I should hope so,” my dad says from the other side of the table. “The boy fell into a garden for you.”
I stand up from my chair so quickly it screeches across the floor and slams into the wall. “I need to go to New York.”
Evelyn whoops on the other end of the phone. Vanessa thrusts her fist into the air. Harper beams, and my mom reaches for my dad, clinging to his arm and shaking him once.
Beckett stands with me, digging around in his pocket. He’s still wearing his hot-pink fluffy earmuffs. “I’ll get the car.”
“No!” comes a chorus from my sisters and Evelyn, still on the phone. Harper lobs a dinner roll right at his head.
“I think everyone has been as involved as they need to be in my relationship, thank you.” I pat at my pockets for my keys. I check my phone again, just in case, but he hasn’t called.
I’m going to do it. I’m going to drive to New York. I’m going to tell him all the things I was afraid to tell him before, and I’m—I’m going to be brave. I’m going to give him what he deserves.
“Let the girl make her grand gesture in peace!” Evelyn shouts, the phone bursting with static at her volume. Beckett drops back down in his chair.
“You know, when you get back”—he points at me with one finger—“we’re going to have a long conversation about you hiding things from me.”
“Sure.” I edge around the table for the door. “When I get back.”
Right now, I’ve got somewhere I need to be.
28
CHARLIE
“Selene!”
Selene pokes her head through the door of my office, somehow managing to look both beleaguered and admonishing. I don’t blame her. I’ve been an absolute terror this week and it’s only Tuesday.
“You rang, boss?”
I hold up my phone charger that is somehow in two separate pieces. “Why does my charger look like this?”
“I have no idea what you do with your things when you’re alone in this office, Charlie. Do you remember how many Nespresso machines we went through in the summer of 2018?”
At least four. Because I couldn’t figure out how to get the pods out of the drawer and ended up destroying the machine in an effort to effectively and responsibly dispose of the minuscule coffee containers.
I frown at the cord in my hands and my dead phone. Nova called twice during my last meeting and then my screen blinked out, a bright red battery symbol flashing as the proverbial ship went down. I sigh and slip both in my pocket, standing and reaching for my coat.
“It’s fine. I’m going to head out.” I glance at the clock. Nova is probably still at dinner with her family, but I can catch her after. “Could you hold the rest of my calls and defer them to later this week? Or maybe just tell people I drowned in a horrible waterskiing incident and I’m no longer available?”
Selene winces. “While that sounds like fun, you can’t.”
“I know,” I sigh. “I’m scary proficient on water skis.”
Selene’s lips tip up at the corners in a restrained smile. “You can’t head out.”
I pause halfway through pulling on my jacket. “Why?”
