Page 94 of Let's Call a Truce
Could I leave KMG when they had invested so much in me? Eduardo and Christina had given me an incredible opportunity when I was inexperienced and mourning and had never made me feel “less than” for conflicts with my kids’ schedules. Now they were about to promote me to the top HR position in the company, and I was going to leave them in the lurch?
And could I leave Ben?
He wasn’t mine anymore, but the thought of never seeing him again twisted my insides until I felt sick. An ashamed part of me hadn’t given up on us yet, had held on to the belief that Stephanie would leave any minute. But we were over a month in, and she showed no signs of disappearing again. Leaving KMG would be the final nail in the coffin, but maybe that was what I needed to move on.
My mind bounced between all these challenges, both terrifying and exciting, never coming to a conclusion on any of them and wondering how I was supposed to figure out my life in two weeks.
“Wow, that’s quite the offer,” my mom said after I panic-explained the situation over FaceTime a couple hours later. I had said a quick hi to the girls, then asked my mom to go inside so we could talk without them overhearing.
“I know, right? What do I do, Mom?”
“I can’t answer that question for you.”
“A good mom would tell me what to do. Aren’t you supposed to manipulate me into staying close to you? Do you even love us?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment. Of course, we would be sad if you three leave, but this is an incredible opportunity. I trust you to make the right decision for yourself. Do you think you would be happier as an instructor?”
This is a question I had asked myself over and over again while I wandered the streets of Boston.
“I think there would be parts of it I would love. Working with the interns this summer was incredible, but I don’t know if I would like it as much if it was my entire job. And I can’t just test this out. It’s all or nothing. Either we move to Boston and I commit to this career or I pass it up. I don’t think KMG would welcome me back if it didn’t work out, and I love the work I do for them. If I stayed, I could still work with the interns each summer and have the best of both worlds.”
“But without the flexibility for the summer.”
“Exactly. Without the flexibility.”
“What about everything else?”
“I don’t know how the girls would react, and I obviously can’t make this decision without them, but I want to figure out if it’s something I even want to consider before bringing them in. I haven’t even looked at schools for them up here.”
“Why are you looking at schools up there?” Clara’s question came from off-screen, and I mouthedWhat the hell?as my mom grimaced.
“Sorry, sweetie. I didn’t realize she came inside.”
Clara’s unnaturally calm face pushed into the frame. “Mom, why are you looking at schools in Boston?”
“Go get your sister and I’ll explain,” I replied with a sigh. A few seconds later, they both threw themselves in front of thephone. In perfect unison, they crossed their arms over their chests and lifted their chins. A united front.
“We’re not moving to Boston, Mom,” Sophie said.
“I didn’t say we were moving to Boston. But I got a job offer here and wanted to talk to you two about it.” I rushed through the offer and why it would be good for us.
“This is so unfair! What about my friends?” Sophie asked.
“And my soccer team?” Clara cut in.
“How would I see Paris? And what about my dance classes?” Sophie’s little face was getting more flushed by the second, and my heart squeezed in response.
“If we moved, which I’m not saying we are, I would find you a new dance studio and new soccer team. It would be hard, but you’d meet new friends. And I’d talk to Paris’s parents and anyone else you two wanted to stay in touch with to set up calls.”
Clara huffed. “I don’t want a new soccer team. You already have a job, Mom. You don’t need a new one.”
“The job is only August through May, when you all would be in school, too. I’d get to be with you all summer. And I’d make my own schedule, so I’d be more likely to make it to all your school stuff, and you’d never be left waiting for me like you are now.”
My voice cracked on the last sentence. I tried to blink back my tears, but they escaped down my cheeks before I could stop them. I realized how badly I felt about those missed opportunities and how stressful it had been every time I was the last one at pickup. I worried those moments were going to chip away at our relationship until it was something completely different from what we had built before Jason died. Clara and Sophie shared a look.
“Mommy, don’t cry.”
Sophie’s unexpectedly sweet reaction made it even worse. I tried so hard to protect them from the tough parts of life.They’d been through so much at such a young age, and I didn’t want to put more pressure on them with my own emotions.
