Page 70 of Let's Call a Truce
“As for our kids, don’t you think it’s better to make sure we can work in an actual relationship before we bring them in? What if we realize, as much as we feel for each other now, wedon’t work as a couple? Sophie and Paris will start calling each other sisters the second we tell them. And I don’t know how Clara will respond. She worshipped Jason, and this will be a big change for her.
“I’m not asking to hide forever. I’m just asking for some time for us to explore who we are together before bringing in all the complications.”
Ben nodded and planted a soft kiss on my lips, turning me around and pulling my back against his chest. “Tell me about him.”
I knew he meant Jason without him saying more, and my stomach flipped. “I don’t know. Doesn’t it seem wrong to you?”
He tilted my head so he could meet my eyes. “If you aren’t ready to share him with me, I understand. But if you’re worried I’ll feel awkward talking about someone you love, I promise I won’t. I want all of you, and he’s a part of that. I don’t expect us to pretend he never existed. And if we work, and I’m confident we will, I’ll never expect you to stop talking about your kids’ dad.”
The tears I had been fighting broke free, and he wiped them from my cheeks. I settled back into the comfort of his arms, not able to look at him for the next part.
“I was eighteen and starting at the University of Florida. It was move-in day, and I was lugging box after box from my car into my dorm. I had taken way more than I needed, but I couldn’t imagine parting with any of it for the school year.
“It was like a movie. I tripped, and the box flew out of my hands, spilling the stuff inside all over the lobby. A boy, because we really were kids, came rushing over to help me pick it all up. I was so embarrassed, and he was so cute I could hardly form a sentence. He gave me his number and told me he could show me around campus if I wanted. He was a year older, working as an RA in one of the boys’ halls, but I was way too embarrassed and shy to call him.”
Ben’s chuckle reverberated through my back. “’Shy’ isn’t a word I’d use to describe you.”
I smirked over my shoulder, pressing a quick peck to his cheek. “That’s because you didn’t know me at eighteen.”
“Would eighteen-year-old Juliana have dropped a full cup of coffee in her colleague’s trash can after he was a dick?” he asked.
A laugh burst out of me. “God, no. I’d have been much more easily managed seventeen years ago.”
“Thank god, I get you now, then.” He kissed me deeply and settled me back against his chest. “Finish your story.”
I sighed. “A week later, he saw me in the dining hall. He walked right over with this confident smile. I was with a group of girls from my hall, and I remember them all fluffing their hair in excitement, practically climbing over each other to introduce themselves. But he only wanted to talk to me. He asked if he could take me out the next night, and we never looked back.”
“I can respect a man who knows what he wants when he sees it,” Ben said, his smile curving against my cheek.
“We got married young, engaged at the end of my senior year, and married a year after I graduated. I remember everyone rolling their eyes, telling us we were too young to know what we wanted in life. But we had been together for five years and were ready to start our life together. He was an amazing partner. I remember in our first year of marriage he told me any fight we had should be us against the problem, not us against each other.
“I know it’s a cliché, but he was my best friend. We grew up together, learned what we wanted in life together, and I never thought I’d have to figure out life without him.”
The tears continued to stream down my face, the familiar tightness in my chest eased by the arms wrapped around me.
“You were lucky to have each other. Whenever you want to talk about him, do it. You’re not gonna scare me off.”
I turned in his arms, shimmying my way up into his lap and giving him a long kiss.
“Thank you,” I said. He smiled softly and kissed each cheek before wiping away my tears. “Do you want to talk about your ex-wife?” I asked. “She is a part of you, too.”
Ben sighed, brushing my hair off my face with a gentle hand.
“It was a very different relationship from yours. Steph was beautiful and bright and fun, so excited about living life, and it was addictive. But she never seemed settled. She was constantly looking for the next thing, never satisfied. And she was so flaky. I should have known from the beginning she wouldn’t stick around, not that I would trade Paris for anything.
“She thought she deserved a big, epic life, and being a mom in the suburbs outside of Orlando didn’t line up with her vision of herself in Paris or New York. I don’t fault her for not being happy in our relationship. I don’t even fault her for wanting to move somewhere else. But she didn’t have to leave the way she did. She disappeared without a word and left Paris behind with issues she will have to fight her entire life.
“I’ve spent so long being mad at her, and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive what she did to my daughter, but right here, in this moment, I am grateful. She gave me the most important thing in my world, and now I am free to have you, too.”
I held his gaze, moving forward slowly to capture his lips in a soft kiss. It quickly progressed, both of us saying with our bodies how thankful we were for this chance to be together.
The next day flew by, a blur of emotions. Excitement and gratitude from the students selected. Disappointment—even some tears—from those we didn’t pick. Ben’s hand found mine under the table during each rejection, like he knew the stab of guilt was too much. I normally didn’t have to see this part of the recruitment process.
We had lunch with Quinn again, the two of us trading numbers after her casual questions somehow had me confessing I had no idea what I was going to do with the student sessions this summer—something I hadn’t even admitted to myself. She promised to send me some ideas and brainstorm with me once I was back home.
It was a long day, followed by a longer night of Ben and I wrapped up in each other. Before I knew it, we were waking up together on Friday morning, preparing to burst out of our bubble. I’d just gotten out of the shower, enjoying both the plush robes provided and the beautiful view of the square from our window. Ben walked up behind me, tugging at the robe’s sash.
“This is one of my favorite views of Boston. But I think I’m about to make it better.”
