Page 46 of Let's Call a Truce
“Um, thanks Asia.” She wouldn’t meet my eye, but it didn’t escape my notice that she still came to find me even though she was mad at me. I truly didn’t deserve her.
I walked away without a backward glance at Ben but caught Asia mouthingSorryin his direction before I passed her.
I fought my way into the crowd, determined to have a front-row spot to watch the couple leave, while my head spun. We had kissed twice now, and both times I had encouraged it. It was like I got close to Ben and my mind stopped working altogether.
Never one to do things in half measures, Gabriela and Christopher prepared for their exit. We were all handed little baskets of large silver sequins to throw as they walked down the pathway. I gasped when the fireworks started behind us, framing a picture of the bride and groom with reflective sequins in front and large, booming lights behind them. A smile split my face.
Christopher dipped her for a deep kiss, pulling away with her still bent backward as they both let out gleeful laughs. The perfect picture of hope and optimism, of a life promised together and a partnership. It struck me how much I’d lost. I couldhearJason’s voice in my ear whisperingI love you, Mrs. Ryanas we ran through the tunnel of sparklers at the end of our wedding. I could feel his arm wrapped tightly around my waist like he couldn’t stand to let me move a step away from him.
I wasn’t supposed to feel like this tonight. I wasn’t supposed to be alone and confused. I found my person, the one who would stand next to me at weddings and reminisce about our own. Who would kiss me on the dance floor not to prove a point, but because it was what we always did when a song ended.
As my eyes drifted back from the display, I caught sight of Ben across the walkway. A small smile played at the corner of his lips, and I wondered how long he had been watching me. My heart stuttered in my chest, but I couldn’t keep looking at him. He was too tall, his hair and eyes the wrong color. His smile held a trace of hesitancy that shouldn’t have been on the face of the man I kissed tonight. There’d never been any hesitancy with Jason, because we were right.
Thiswas wrong.
I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t face Ben and deal with his questions about what we were when I had Jason in my head. Nothing about this was how itshouldhave been.
As soon as the happy couple was gone, I beelined it for the hotel doors, determined to get to the elevators before he could intercept me.
“Juliana, wait.” I kept moving forward as fast as my towering heels would carry me. “Please.”
That word on his lips for the second time in one night pulled me up short, my legs stopping without my brain’s consent. He rushed forward in front of me, blocking my path.
“Can we talk? I’m sure the hotel bar is still open. We could grab a drink and talk everything through.”
“No, I’m going to bed.”
“Five minutes. Let me make my case for five minutes.”
“I told you this is too complicated. You knew this was coming.”
“Yeah, before you made out with me up against a wall.”
“Nothing’s changed. I’m going upstairs.” I pushed past him. My heart was protesting in my chest, screaming at Ben not to listen, begging me to turn back to him.
“Fine. If nothing’s changed, then that’s your decision to make. I’m sorry for bothering you. No more chasing. I’m done.”
My steps faltered, my legs seemingly intent on ignoring my avoidance plan and forcing me back to his side, but I didn’t turnback. Each beat of my heart fought against my decision. But I forced myself to continue walking, not letting myself look back at him, even as I got into the elevator. I held it together until the doors slammed closed.
What had I done?
Chapter 15
I didn’t realizehow much my interactions with Ben sustained me at work until he started avoiding me. He must have given up the coffee cart we both frequented. No matter how many times I visited it this week, he was never there. The stress of knowing he was avoiding me—combined with more coffee than I’d ever had in my life—made me jittery.
He refused to meet my eye at the all-staff meeting on the Monday after the wedding, slipping out before I could corner him. I’d seen him turn for the stairs while I was waiting for the elevator on multiple occasions now. Hell, I’d even joined meetings I didn’t need to be in on the architectural floor in the hope of running into him.
I didn’t know what I was trying to achieve. To explain everything I was feeling at the wedding? To apologize? To become friends?
No, that didn’t feel right.
I couldn’t get him out of my mind, and these definitely weren’tfriendlythoughts.
His fingertips mapping the curve of my neck. The way his breath fanned out over my lips right before he kissed me. His desperate plea for me to talk to him.
Even a last-minute meeting with Eduardo to talk about my “future with KMG” wasn’t enough to distract me. And now I was sitting here on Friday, after only five days without Ben’sattention, and about to have the biggest meeting of my career, and all I wanted was to talk to him.
I sat in the area outside of Eduardo’s office, determined to get my head on straight, as my high heel tapped against the floor. The door clicked open, and I straightened in my chair, plastering a big smile on my face. Ben exited instead of Eduardo. My smile fell, but my body went even straighter, shooting out of the chair to stand.
