Page 20 of Let's Call a Truce
I blinked quickly and pressed a kiss to the top of her head to give myself something to focus on. Her little body was still shuddering, and it set off a round of shaking of my own. I couldn’t take away the heartbreak and the nightmares, but I could provide a distraction.
“How about this?” My excited whisper brought a bit more light to her face. “Why don’t you girls keep snuggling? I’ll get ready for bed really quick and we can all move to my bed for a big-girl sleepover.”
Both girls nodded happily, and I rushed off to go through my nighttime routine.
As soon as I could, I put us all in my bed and cuddled up against the world. I asked Sophie if she wanted to talk about it.
“You were gone.”
“Like Daddy?” I asked.
“No, not like you died. Just Clara and I woke up one day, and you weren’t here. We didn’t know how to find you.”
Clara snuggled in closer, telling me without words she sometimes had the same fear. I hated this. It was my job—my most important job—to make them feel safe. I couldn’t have stopped what happened to their dad, but I should have been able to make them feel secure.
“I’m here. Always. You two are the most important things to have ever happened to me. I promise not to leave you for anything in the world. I love you girls.” I prayed my words were enough, even when I knew they weren’t.
“Mommy, will you sing us Daddy’s song?”
There was a song Jason loved, a random one from the sixties he heard on one of my oldies stations when we were young. He decided he’d sing it nightly to his future kids, and he had done so right through his last night with us. My eyes filled with tears, but I smiled as I heard his voice in my head singing along with me. They both mumbled “Love you” and fell asleep to my voice and the memory of their dad. I knew I wouldn’t sleep well with both girls draped over me, but I’d sacrifice a good night’s sleep to feel like I was actually doing something for my kids.
The next morning, I gulped down my second cup of coffee. I had tried to shift each girl off me throughout the night, but every couple of hours, I woke up to find one of them back on top of me. They woke happy and refreshed with the morning sun, jumping on the bed and cheering about their sleepover.
I hollered down the hall. “Get moving, girls, or we’ll be late for the game.”
Clara ran down the hall in her uniform, talking animatedly about who they were up against today and what strategy she was going to use. Sophie followed behind in full ballet costume,tights and tutu included. All signs of the frightened, timid girl from the night before were gone in a puff of tulle. I gave her a flat stare she was all too familiar with.
“What, Mom?” She gave a little twirl, the picture of innocence.
I fought to keep the scowl on my face, but a laugh broke free. “You know what. Put on real clothes.”
“How about a deal? I’ll change from my ballet slippers to real shoes, but keep on the rest.”
“Real shoes and pants, and you can keep on the bedazzled leotard. Final offer.” She sighed and dragged her feet back down the hallway. “And make it fast.”
Fifteen minutes and three more arguments later, we were on the road. Clara’s game flew by. She scored two goals, and each time Asia, Dani, and I earned stares from the other parents as we hollered and danced on the sidelines. Clara came running up to me after the game, and I opened my arms for a hug. Instead, she stopped short and looked at her friends over her shoulder.
“Can I go with Olivia and her family to get pizza and celebrate our win?”
“Sure, sweetie. Tell Olivia’s mom to text me the plan so I know when to expect you home.”
She turned and sprinted back to her friends.
“I love you,” I called out after her. I let out a pathetic little laugh. “When did I become the embarrassing mom she doesn’t want to acknowledge?”
Dani’s arm came down on my shoulders as she sighed dramatically. “I hate to tell you this. You’ve always been embarrassing, honey.”
“You’re such a dick.” I nudged her with my shoulder.
I called across the field to Sophie. “Soph, we gotta go.”
She waved with both arms. “Hold on, Mom! I’m talking to my best friend!”
I waved back. We had some time to spare, and she’d spentthe entire morning talking about how her best friend played soccer—making it suddenly cool—and how she’d get to see her between Clara’s game and her own.
“Well, hey you.” I turned to see who Asia was greeting and came face-to-face with the last person I wanted to see.
“Hey, Asia.” Ben pulled her in for a hug with an easy smile. He was always quick to smile around the office. Everyone he passed was granted the same beautiful, genuine grin. And yet, every time his eyes found me, it shifted into something else, a taunting imitation. I dug my nails into my palms as I watched the transformation. He looked relaxed today in his gym shorts and T-shirt. I had never seen him in something so casual, and I tried not to notice how the shirt wrapped tightly over his large biceps, which were normally safely hidden underneath button-downs.
