Page 98 of Let's Call a Truce
“Excuse me? I didn’t seek out this job.Theyoffered it to me. And you gave up the right to contribute your opinion. Or did you forget that?”
“You’re going to rip your kids away from their whole life?”
“Oh, fuck you. I would take this jobformy kids. I could be home with them all summer. No more jumping from camp to camp and stressing about childcare. I’d make my schedule. I could be there to pick them up from school like I did before Jason died. And again, not your decision to make.”
“You sound pretty damn sure you’re taking the job.”
“I haven’t made my decision, and if you tell Eduardo otherwise, you’ll regret it.”
“You can’t leave,” he responded, arms crossed over his chest, and I turned my back to avoid the pain in his eyes. My own eyes filled with tears, but I couldn’t let him see how much I was hurting. If he knew, he’d never let me go. He came up behind me, slipping his arms around my waist and dropping his mouth to my ear. “Please don’t leave me.”
I shivered in his arms, knowing I needed to push him away but unable to do so. I settled back into him, allowing myself to find a minute of his comfort amid all this uncertainty.
“This dress is making me lose my fucking mind. It’s the same color as the one you wore the last time we were in Boston, and all I can think about is it in a pile on my floor.”
I whimpered as he pulled me flush against him. He skimmed his lips behind my ear, his beard tickling my neck, and I dropped my head back onto his chest. One hand came to my jaw, tilting my head back, so I had to meet his gaze. He held my eyes as he drifted closer, giving me the space to stop him.
I couldn’t, not when I had spent so many nights missing his touch. He brushed his lips over mine, gently reacquainting himself. I was the first to break, deepening the kiss with a sigh, bringing my hand to the back of his neck.
With a tight hand on my hip, he twirled me to face him, stepping quickly back into place and recapturing my lips. We worked together to shimmy my dress up to my hips. Ben hoisted me up, sitting me on the edge of the table and stepping between my legs. We both groaned when he pushed his hardened length against my core.
His lips left mine, leaving a trail down my neck, nipping at my shoulder below my dress collar, soothing it with a soft lap of his tongue. I was nearly crying from anticipation, pulling his hips against mine, desperate for friction even through our layers of clothing. His words cut through my need-muddled thoughts.
“We fit together perfectly, Juliana. We belong to each other.”
The contradiction of his words and his choices was enough to wake me up. I pushed him off me.
“Fuck.” My voice was thick with desire and frustration.
Ben stood a few feet away from me now, his hair and clothes deliciously disheveled. His hands were on his hips while he stared at the ground, struggling to compose himself.
My chest heaved with each breath I fought to bring into my body. “What do you want from me, Ben?”
“I want you,” he said, his voice and gaze so intense that I could feel them sinking into my bones. “That’s all I’ve wanted from the start.”
“How can you even say that when you didn’t choose me?” I screamed, my heart breaking like I was back in that park all over again.
“I wanted to, Juliana. YouknowI wanted to.”
Tears spilled down my cheeks. “Do you know whatIwant? I want to not hurt anymore. I want us to be back in my bed,eating pizza and talking about our future together. You’re the one who threw that away, not me, and you’rekillingme.
“I was fine before. Maybe a bit lonely, but most days I was happy. Then you came along with the teasing and flirting. You made me want more, imagine more, and then you left me crushed and alone.”
“You think I’m not crushed?” he said, his eyes bright as he fisted his hands in his soft hair. “That my heart doesn’t break every time I see you in the office? Or every time Asia mentions you and I try not to react so she’ll keep going and I can get some scrap of what’s going on in your life?” Tears kept running down my cheeks. I watched his throat work as he swallowed, wishing I could step back into his arms and kiss him there. “Nothing has happened with Stephanie. You have to know that.”
“I do, but you still picked her, and I understand why. Paris was so happy, and I couldn’t have imagined breaking her heart. But you can’t keep doing this. This in-between isn’t healthy for her, either, especially with the shit Stephanie’s pulling to get your attention. You need to either forgive her, have a real conversation about what you expect of her, and give your family a chance, or you need to end things and find a way to coparent with her before Paris gets too attached to the idea and ends up blaming you. And you can’t keep stringing me along, no matter how strongly you feel for me.”
I turned to straighten myself up, hoping I could get to a bathroom to check my reflection without anyone spotting me. I moved to leave the room when his voice stopped me.
“Juliana.” I forced myself to face him. “Whatever happens, I need you to know I love you.”
“I know.”
I did, but I wasn’t able to give those words back while my heart was breaking.
Chapter 32
If possible, Ilooked even worse than I felt when I found a mirror. My eyeliner and mascara were running down my cheeks, and any attempt to clean them up made them smudge worse. My lipstick was gone as if it had never existed, and the hair I had so meticulously pinned back was completely undone.
