Page 86 of Let's Call a Truce
“Why?” I asked. My voice cracked on the single word.
“Because you’re sad,” Sophie said, chewing on her lip. “We want you to be happy.”
“Sweet pea, I’m not sad. Why did you think I needed cheering up?”
She looked around the room, like her sister would magically materialize and take charge of this conversation. But Clara was safely ensconced in their room, and Sophie was on her own.
“Um… well… we haven’t been doing our barbecues, and Miss Asia and Miss Dani haven’t come over to play like they usually do, and…” She sent another frantic glance toward the hallway, then took a fortifying breath. “And you don’t smile a lot anymore.”
I flinched, and Sophie caught the movement, her own body curling in on itself.
“I’m sorry, Mommy.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
My legs ate up the space between us in a few steps, and I gathered her in my arms. A sharp pain gathered in the back of my throat as I fought the tears, but I forced out the words: “Don’t apologize. I’m sorry, sweet pea.”
Obviously, things hadn’t been great since Ben and I broke up, but I thought I was compartmentalizing. I was getting my work done; the girls hadn’t missed a practice or rehearsal. I’d even been better about picking them up on time, staggering my schedule from Ben’s so we didn’t run into each other in the elevator or the parking garage.
But they’d seen through every false smile, every half-hearted laugh. Which meant I couldn’t go on like this. I had to find a way to get over him, to heal and move on. The girls were my most important job, and I was failing.
“Let’s go see your sister, huh?” I asked against the crown of my daughter’s head.
Clara was curled up on her bed when I came in, her little body still shaking as she sobbed. I climbed into bed behind her, wrapping my arms around her middle. Sophie went to the other side, pushing her way onto the bed even though three people weren’t meant to fit in a twin bed.
“I’m sorry, Clara. I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” I said quietly, punctuating the words with an extra squeeze.
“I-I-I-I’m r-r-r-really so-so-sorry, Mommy,” Clara stammered in little jerks, tears still sliding down her cheeks. “I-I-I didn’t me-mean to—”
“I know. It was sweet and I love that you wanted to cheer me up. You and your sister are the most wonderful girls in the world, you know that?”
“Re-re-really?”
“Yes, sweetie. I’m so proud of you for wanting to help.”
Clara rolled in my arms, accidentally pushing her sister off the bed. A muffled “Hey!” came from the floor, but Clara’s attention was locked on me.
“I wanted to make you smile,” she said, her observant eyes trained on my face.
The smile I gave in return was genuine, because how could I not smile when I had such beautiful souls in my life? “You did. But next time, maybe get me some ice cream from the freezer, okay?”
Clara giggled and snuggled into my chest, which currently felt far too small for my heart.
“Mom,” Sophie said, standing next to the bed. “I’m hungry.”
The laugh that burst out of me made Clara jump, but then they both joined in.
“We’re going to need to get breakfast out today, don’t you think?”
That started off the great breakfast debate that lasted longerthan it probably would have taken to clean the kitchen and cook at home, but they were laughing. And I was smiling. And I promised myself I’d find a way to keep smiling for them.
The next two weeks passed slowly. The interns had gotten more comfortable and now treated me like their own personal career coach. My office had become a revolving door of “quick” questions, LinkedIn and résumé reviews, and pseudo counseling sessions. It had been a lot of work on top of my regular schedule, but I welcomed the distraction.
We were over the halfway point, and with only a month to go, Eduardo wanted an update and to “share something exciting.” Ben and I settled on the couches in his office, and I was thankful he sat next to Eduardo, respecting my need for physical space.
“Thank you both for coming. Your work so far has been impressive.”
We both thanked him, subtly but determinedly keeping our eyes away from each other.
“President Munchen and the rest of the Billings team were impressed, too, and that’s hard to do with professors. They’ve invited all three of us to a banquet next weekend, a little party to thank donors who have made a substantial impact on the Billings community.”
