Page 75 of Let's Call a Truce
In a turn of events that shocked no one, Sophie begged for Paris to join us. Ben was happy to let her tag along and get an entire Saturday to himself.
Sophie finished screeching out the ending and was ready to go again. “Restart ‘Defying Gravity,’ Mom!”
I calculated how many times I’d have to listen to this song before we reached Gainesville. A two-hour drive divided by about five-ish minutes per song. Assuming they want it over and over, which seemed likely, I’d hear Idina Menzel belt the final riff more than twenty times.
By the time we pulled up to campus, I could have written a thirty-page thesis on the complexity of this same damn song. But we made it the whole way without a single argument, so I’d take the trade-off.
We headed straight to the dining hall, where we met Quinn, who did an impressive job of limiting her scowls to the dining-hall food instead of aiming them at me.
After a questionable meal of “pad thai,” we gave the kids free rein to enjoy the dessert table. Quinn and I followed a few steps behind as they sprinted toward the cookie tray.
I slipped my arm through Quinn’s. “Thank you for getting us in here.”
She sighed like the world was on her shoulders. “You’re welcome. Feel lucky that I like you so much. Families are exhausting, and asking Dad for something is a special brand of torture.”
I eyed her, but we’d reached the dessert table and she busied herself with a plate.
“What’s the deal with your dad?” I asked.
She took a giant bite of a cookie, taking her time chewing.“We aren’t here for my drama. We’re here for yours. Tell us all about Jason.”
I laughed as I led the way. It was refreshing that she didn’t tiptoe around my past. I gathered the kids over by the table where Jason asked me out, even though there was a group of students sitting there. We awkwardly hovered as I told them how he walked right over, completely confident. All three kids got dreamy looks on their faces. One of them murmured, “How romantic,” and the others sighed.
Sophie and Clara shot back to the table with Quinn in tow, their dessert plates piled high.
I started to follow, when Paris tugged on my shirt. “Are you sad, Miss Juliana?”
The question surprised me. I’d been having a great day and didn’t think I seemed upset, but Paris’s large brown eyes didn’t hold any accusation, only curiosity.
“No, sweetie, I’m not sad. Why do you ask?”
“Because Sophie and Clara’s dad is gone, and you loved him.” Paris was chewing on her lower lip and looked away, like she was trying to hide her emotions.
I ran a hand over her hair. “I think I’ll always be a little bit sad. When people we love leave us, it changes us, doesn’t it?”
She looked back up with tears in her eyes and nodded. “I miss my mom. But she didn’t want to stay with me.”
I bent down to her level and pulled her into my arms. The idea of anyone choosing to walk away from this child blew my mind.
“I think it’s okay for us to miss them and let ourselves be sad sometimes. But we’re also so lucky to have so many other people in our lives to love, too. That sadness doesn’t stop us from having love in our hearts to give. Don’t you think?”
I felt the complete truth of those words. Caring for Ben, maybe even loving him, didn’t take away from the love I’d always carry for Jason.
“I love my daddy. And Sophie and Clara!”
“And they love you.” I smiled as I watched the shadows leave her eyes.
“And I love you!” There was no tentativeness in the statement, and I was awed by how easily she shared her love after being hurt by the person she should have been able to trust.
“I love you, too, sweetie.” I pulled her into another tight hug, fighting back my own tears.
Quinn and I took the girls on a tour around campus, watching as they sprinted up and down the steps of the football stadium and cartwheeled across the green spaces. My heart swelled at the sight. I had missed so much during the past few years. My favorite things in life had been so inextricably tied to Jason that I cut them out while I healed.
But recently, staying away from them had become less about protecting my heart and more of a habit. It was like I had been thrown out of a boat the day Jason died and had been treading water ever since. My head was above the water. I could breathe. But I had been so focused on not drowning, I forgot I could swim.
“It’s interesting yourcolleaguetrusts you enough to take his daughter out of town.” Quinn glanced at me from the side of her eyes while we sat in the shade watching the girls play.
“Yeah.”
