Page 61 of Let's Call a Truce
“I met Paris’s mom my senior year of college. We fell in love and stayed together in Orlando after we graduated. We got married a few years later and had Paris a few years after that. She wanted to stay home with Paris, and I was fine with whatever she wanted to do. Looking back, our relationship wasn’t great. We didn’t fight, but we didn’t rely on each other, either. We just kind of existed in the same space.”
He paused, looking down at where he clasped his hands between his knees. “She became more and more distant as the years went on. I was focused on moving up at KMG to support them and gave all my spare time to Paris. I realize now I probably neglected her, but she never brought up any issues. How was I supposed to fix a problem I didn’t even know we had?”
I held my breath, scared for where this story was going.
“I came home from work one day when Paris was almost five. Our babysitter was there. She said my wife had an appointment and needed her to watch Paris, but the second I walked in I knew something was wrong. I went into our room and found all her things were gone. Clothing, jewelry, everything. There was a note on our bed that saidI’m sorry, but I can’t do it.”
I reached out to clutch his hands, unable to resist the urge to offer him comfort.
“She sent divorce papers last year. I couldn’t even move forward with the process before because I didn’t know where she was. The hardest part is that Paris remembers her. She was just old enough to remember what it was like to have a mother and to know she actively left her.”
My heart squeezed for the sweet little girl who made my daughter feel so loved. It broke something in me that she had ever spent a day thinking she was unloved or unwanted.
“We’ve both struggled with it. Paris has abandonment issues,and she’s been going to a counselor for the past few years to work through it. I think it’s one reason she and Sophie have connected so much. Obviously, their situations are so different, but they get what it’s like to lose a parent.”
“Ben, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
My nasty comments at the field trip about Ben being a deadbeat parent who put all the work on Paris’s mom slammed into me. I wished I could go back and erase it all. This man had stepped up and had become everything for his child in a way even I couldn’t understand. He not only had to walk Paris through losing her mother but also worked every day to make her feel important in a way my own kids had never once had cause to doubt. He looked back up, his eyes swimming with memories.
“You started at KMG about a year after she left. I took one look at you and I couldn’t breathe. The most beautiful person I had ever seen, even while freaking out. You bolted before I could introduce myself, and I started counting the minutes until our meeting later that day. I spotted you in the auditorium, looking around with such confidence, like you were unfazed by our break-room run-in. And then you looked at me. I thought I was ready to move on if it meant moving on with you.”
My world was shifting underneath me. It was like what I imagined the moments after you jump from an airplane are like, torn between terror and exhilaration as you wonder if the parachute will open. I thought back to my first day, to the strange connection I had with Ben. His perception of me was vastly different from my own. I had been terrified walking into the auditorium, thrown off by our interaction and certain everyone would judge me for my time away.
“But then you canceled last minute, and I came home to Paris crying because I missed her recital. I was already in a terrible mood after ending the day with that asshole client. When I tried to reschedule him because of something for my daughter,he said, ‘Oh I didn’t realize you had a vagina.’ When I didn’t laugh along with him, he told me maybe he should go to a company that knew how to take a joke and prioritize their clients. I was still new in my supervisory role, and I was worried about how Eduardo would react if I lost a big client, so I let him get away with it.
“I was so pissed at him and mad at myself for not being there for her. I felt like it was the universe punishing me for wanting you, for even thinking about something for myself, and I lashed out at you instead. It was completely irrational and unjustified, and I am so sorry, Juliana.”
The regret shined in his eyes, and I squeezed his hand to show I understood and forgave him.
“I shouldn’t have thrown something this heavy on you while we’re stuck together, but I needed you to know. I want you to understand my baggage so you can decide if this is something you want.”
I started to speak, but he cut me off. “Please don’t say anything now. It’s a lot to think about. I don’t want you making a decision you regret later because you felt bad now. You know everything. All my skeletons. I hope you pick me despite it all.”
I nodded solemnly and stood, hating that I was leaving him with nothing but uncertainty and his memories. After two steps, I turned back to look at him, his throat working and his eyes staring unseeingly at the ceiling.
My feet carried me back to him before I knew what was happening. The cold metal of the hotel office chair bit into my fingers as they landed on the armrest. I pressed a kiss to his cheek, the strands of his beard tickling my lips.
He turned toward me as I pulled back, fear and hope fighting for dominance in his eyes. I wanted to swear my allegiance to the hope, to help turn the tides of the war in its favor.
But he asked for me to wait. I hadn’t given him much reasonto trust me since we started this thing, and if that was what he needed to feel confident that I wanted him, I’d give it to him.
I ran my hand through his hair, barely restraining the urge to press my lips to his.
“We’ll talk tomorrow?” I asked.
He nodded. The hope seemed to beat back the fear. Not fully, but enough for tonight. “Tomorrow.”
I released a shaky breath, giving him one last smile before leaving him with his thoughts.
Chapter 18
A text wokeme up before my 7A.M.alarm.
Ben:Get out of bed, lazy
Juliana:What the hell, Ben! It’s 6:30.
Ben:If we aren’t out of here by 6:45, we won’t have time for our run
