Page 126 of Anarchy at Prescott High (The Havoc Boys 4)
For a while there, it’s quiet. I put my ear to the door to listen in on her, just like I did back then. I can hear her breathing, but it’s different than it was last time. There’s no panic here, no fear. She sounds almost … thoughtful.
Five minutes into this shit and she’s said nothing. I can’t stand that. I need to hear her voice.
“Bernadette?” I ask, splaying my fingers against the door. “Speak to me, princess, or I’m walking my ass in there.” When nothing happens, when her breathing doesn’t change and her body doesn’t shift, I unlock the door and fling it open.
There she is, sitting on the floor with her legs crossed and her face wet with tears. She doesn’t look at me when I step in and close the door behind me.
“What’s the matter, Mrs. Channing?” I murmur, squatting down and putting my hands on her knees. It’s too dark in here for us to see more than the faintest hint of shadows, but I know where she is. I can feel her heat, smell her smell, hear her heart thundering in her chest.
“I feel like I should know what I’m doing here.” She lets out a scathing laugh as I lean in and press my lips to her forehead. “This is what I’m good at, being tough, riding things out, surviving against the odds.” Another self-deprecating laugh follows. “So why do I feel so out of place? Why can’t I just accept that you pretending to go along with Ophelia’s plan is the only thing that makes sense? Why can’t I just stop feeling bad about other people and all the horrible things they do? If I don’t fit into Havoc, Victor, then I don’t fit anywhere.”
I pause for a moment, letting her words sink in.
“Bernadette,” I begin, scooting into the corner and dragging her into my lap. My hands automatically go to her hips, and I know she can feel my cock through my jeans as she straddles me. Why is she wearing this ridiculous fucking skirt? I think, wetting my lips with my tongue and trying to hold myself together. “You don’t need to fit into Havoc. You are the reason for Havoc. Everything we do, we do for you.”
“I know that,” she says, sounding temporarily seventeen. Like, this is a girl who speaks like a thirty-year-old. It’s like that for all of us. Some people think age is a determination of time; it’s about experience. We’ve crammed in so much shit in our lives that we’re aging at the speed of light. I wish the only things Bernie needed to care about were grades and gossip. I wish that for all of us. But then, there’s the world we wish we live in, and the world we actually live in. Sometimes it hurts to acknowledge that. “I just want to be worthy of that. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. You say you’ve been waiting for me all this time? Well, I’ve been waiting for you, too.” She rests her forehead against my shoulder and wiggles her hips.
A growl escapes before I can control myself.
“Goddamn it, Bernadette …” I start, but I’m not mad and we both know it.
“Sorry, it was getting too serious in here,” she whispers, but we both know that even if she jokes about it, even she makes out like it’s nothing, it means everything. This moment means everything, and if we don’t follow through with it, we’ll have missed an opportunity that was given to us despite the awfulness of the world. No matter what’s going on around us, if the world burns, if the people spoil, if there’s no point to anything else … we have this.
We always have this.
“I don’t want to lose what I’ve worked so hard to gain.” Bernadette pauses again, like she’s truly considering her words. “I told myself all along that I was doing this for my sister, but I’m selfish. Victor, I can’t help it, but I want this. I want to be with you; I’d follow you to the grave.”
I shudder beneath her, my hands making their way to her ass. I can’t help myself; I end up squeezing it so hard that she yelps. I relax my grip, and she bites me in the ear.
“Stop that,” she murmurs, but her voice has changed. She can feel it as well as I can, this obsessive pull between our bodies. We were basically made to fuck each other.
“Listen to me, princess,” I tell her, taking her chin in my hand, even if I can’t see her face. I hold her there, and I swear to fuck, I can feel her gaze burning me up from the inside, setting me on fire and tearing me apart, all at the same time. “You hesitated to kill Kali because there’s still a shred of innocence in you. You are living proof that the world can try its hardest to crush a person’s soul and still fail. You are second chances and beautiful beginnings, Bernadette. You hesitated because you wanted to make sure you gave that girl every chance in the world. If you have to believe a lie, believing that other people are inherently good is one you might as well stick with.”
