Page 132 of Devils' Day Party
Barron’s the one that found her. She was dead in the treehouse, gunshot.
My hands shake as I stare down at his response, trying to put things together in my mind. The universe most definitely hates me. Despises me, more like. I should’ve known that sending a stupid stone heart wasn’t going to make a difference. That was too easy. Why did I let myself think it would ever be easy?
I just wanted one, last day to myself. Selfish. I’m still being selfish. Do I deserve to be punished for that?
But I should know that the universe doesn’t punish anyone; all things are balanced. I’ve been given wonderful days on this time loop, time with my mothers and sisters, time to understand my feelings for the boys, time to appreciate and forgive my best friend.
I’m not getting any of that for free.
Erina didn’t post our video, but I don’t like what I did to stop her. We bullied her, Karma. Why can’t I stop hurting people? I killed Pearl; I know I did. What if Erina is next?
I start to type up a response, but another text comes through before I get the chance.
I’m sorry. For everything I’ve done. I’m a liar, and I love you, too, Karma.
I look up just in time to see the massive buck step into the road, his antlers casting strange shadows as the headlights catch him in their bright glare.
Oh, come on!
Fuck.
“Luke, stop!” I scream, startling Raz awake. He reaches out for me, and that’s all she wrote.
Live to fight another day, right?
Or die to fight one.
Either way.
Another day, it is.There's blood all over my steering wheel.
Why can’t I just spend the day curled up in bed, screaming into my pillow?
I sit up, knowing I can't indulge my own wants and needs today. Last night was a clusterfuck. A goddamn clusterfuck. This time, I have to think about Pearl. As usual, I lock the doors and peel out of the parking lot, heading straight to the school and hiding Little Bee in the woods.
When I get there, I have to turn the engine off and lay my head on the steering wheel for a while. No part of me wants to get out of this car and go into that school. All I want to do is dream about the way Raz’s blond hair shimmers in the sunshine, how his lips taste, how hot his hands are. Then I want to go home and paint with my moms, cook with my sisters.
But today isn’t about me.
That’s the whole point.
If this didn’t hurt, it wouldn’t be a sacrifice.
The day I tried to join the Knight Crew, I found Pearl walking through the hallway just after they arrived at Crescent Prep. Today, I hide from Calix's dark angry eyes, Raz's laughing sneer, and Barron's scrutinizing stare, waiting until they disappear down the hall before I come out of the empty art classroom.
Pearl Boehringer appears at the end of the hallway, and I start after her.
Unfortunately, she doesn't like me much.
“What do you want, Trailer Park?” she snaps at me, her bite as caustic as any member of the Knight Crew. If she didn't have a beef with Calix and Raz, she might actually be one of them.
“I was wondering if you wanted to, like, hang out or something.”
Shit.
I did not think this through, did I? I’m still disoriented from last night, from the sight of the buck in the glare of the Caddy’s headlights, of Raz’s frantic grip as he reached for me.
Why on earth would Pearl want to hang out with me when we've barely spoken two words to one another?
The way she looks at me, like she's absolutely horrified by the prospect, does not leave me with much hope. The thing is, I have the ability to play this scene out over and over and over again until I get it right.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” she asks, looking me up and down, like I'm the scum of the fucking earth. “Why the hell would I want to hang out with the Knight Crew's bitch?”
“Knight Crew's bitch?” I echo, blinking back at her. “They hate me as much as they hate you.”
Oops. Again, probably not the best choice of words. Pearl scowls, tossing white-blonde hair over her shoulder, her diamond crusted spider mask glittering on her thin, pale face.
“Seriously? Only an idiot would miss the dick measuring contests those boys are in over you. And you just eat it up, don't you?” She tosses her hair and scowls at me. “Stay out of my way, Trailer Park.”
Pearl takes off down the hallway and I purse my lips, turning and heading out the front door to my car. I decide to head home and paint for the rest of the day. It seems that if I go home and tell the moms that I need a mental health day, they tell me they want to carry my art in the store. And I like that. A hell of a lot.
