Page 76 of I Was Born Ruined (Death by Daybreak MC 1)
“Sin and Grainger …” he starts, and I nod sharply, feeling my body start to shake. I don’t regret what I’ve done, but it was a lot. Tonight … was a lot. Before I even realize what he’s doing, Crown’s got his arms around me, and he’s hugging me.
My brain doesn’t know what to make of it, so I just stand there, quivering and holding back tears. I’m not even sure if I know what the tears are for, if they’re for my sisters, or if they’re for myself, a girl who died in spirit the day they died in body.
I just slept with three outlaws tonight. I partied at their clubhouse. I did their drugs.
Is that what I want with my life?
Is that what my sisters would’ve wanted for theirs? Because I know Queenie didn’t. She didn’t want it for me, or for her, or for her baby.
Crown holds me so tight that I start to get confused, emotions bubbling up inside of me that I don’t want. I push him away. His hug shouldn’t mean anything. I barely know him.
When he does step back, his compassion is edged with anger.
“Gidge,” he starts, but I shake my head. I’m not about to listen to a lecture from him.
“It’s my body; I can do what I want with it.”
“I’m not questioning that part of the equation. I’m just wondering why that’s what you want.” His mouth tightens, and he looks up, gazing past me toward the side door, like he’s looking straight through at the three other officers. He drops his moss green eyes to mine, and my heart catches in my throat. “You have more to your future than being a club-whore.”
“Are you calling me a whore?” I choke out, my voice caustic. I keep my eyes locked with his. There’s no way in hell I’m looking away first.
“No.” Just that one word, said with such force that I decide I actually believe him. “But I don’t want to see you at the clubhouse anymore.” His mouth tightens. “Your father and I just had a chat. Things are going to change around here, Gidge—for the better.” I shake my head because I’ve heard this crap before, and nothing ever happened. Besides, even if it did, too little, too late. It’s just me here now, so what’s the point?
When I don’t say anything, Crown rakes his fingers through his curls, mussing them up.
“Sin, Grainger, Beast …” he starts, looking down at me. “I’m sorry, I just … need a fucking minute.”
“Are you jealous?” I ask him as he turns away and moves back over to his bike, leaning over and putting his hands on the handlebars. All he does is laugh at me though, like I’m ridiculous. “What? That’s how you’re acting right now.”
“Jealous, Gidge? I’m disgusted.” He spins back to face me, this cruel hardness coming into his voice. “You’re sixteen years old. The three of them are going to face Cat’s wrath.” He grabs a bottle off the table next to me, but it’s not a beer like all the other guys are drinking. It’s straight whiskey. Of course it is. “They should’ve waited until you were eighteen,” he mumbles under his breath, and my skin prickles with goose bumps.
“Can you really fight off the mafia with a drink in your hand?” I ask as he slugs back several shots worth.
“They’ve left town,” he says, swiping his arm across his mouth and looking at me over the top of it. “Their entire entourage rolled out about an hour ago. And if they want to send some assassins, have at it. I’m a straight shooter, even liquored up.”
“Is that why you got kicked off the force?” I’ve heard random mumblings from Cat, Nellie, Sin, Grainger. Supposedly Crown didn’t choose to stop being a cop, but the look he throws at me for that question is as hard as iron. His eyes get so dark that I decide I’ll never ask that question again. I won’t even think it. “Please don’t tell Cat,” I continue instead, taking a step forward. Crown swigs some more of the whiskey, but he doesn’t offer it up to me. He’s too much of a rule follower for that. “Why start shit over nothing?”
“It’s not nothing, Gidge,” Crown starts, but I’m taking another step toward him, curling my fingers under his belt. My fingertips brush against the flat, hard planes of his stomach, and he sucks in a sharp breath. I’ve seen him fucking girls before, this smooth, confident rhythm that had my heart pounding and sweat beading on my lower back. The last time I saw him was on accident, when I walked into one of the dorms at the clubhouse looking for Nellie. He didn’t see or hear, so he just kept going, his hands tracing over the club-whore’s full, round breasts.
