Page 10 of Plaidypus
“We can’t take the zombie moose with us.”
“We could ride her to New York.”
“Sunlight is an issue for me, Nadine.” My brother showed me his elbow, which he’d stuck outside in his first and last experiment with going out during the day. The burns had healed, leaving his skin several shades paler.
As I didn’t want to find out what would happen to my brother if he was fully exposed to sunlight, I said, “We could hitch a carriage to her and you could ride inside. I bet she could pull a carriage. I mean, she’s huge. She’s about the size of a horse, and horses can pull carriages. I thought it was a good idea.”
“Let’s stick with our plan to pack the car and head to a rental place.” My brother considered the vampires. “If you can smell that he’s a wolf, can he smell you’re something? Can he smell that I’m a vampire?”
I sniffed at my brother. “Your scent hasn’t changed all that much since the hotspot, so I don’t know. I didn’t smell anything that made me think those women were vampires until Nancy showed off her fangs. I’m sure he probably thinks I smell likesomething, but the odds of him knowing what a platypus smells like are slim to none. He didn’t sound Australian.”
“You don’t sound Australian, either.”
“Well, that’s because I’m not Australian. I may not be the most noble platypus, but I am a Canadian-American platypus. We’re an endangered species.”
“There’s precisely one Canadian-American platypus, and that is you.” My brother grinned. “If you shapeshift, I’ll open the door for you and let you toy with them. We can find out if they know the difference between a beaver and a platypus.”
One day, I would seek out revenge for my brother’s ability to drive me crazy. “I am far cuter than a beaver.”
“Yes, you are. Come on, humor me.”
Was my brother insane? Had the crash finally gotten to him? Did he have that much faith in my non-existent fighting abilities? “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because Leonard is a wolf, and he might mistake me for dinner, and if he does, I don’t shift with my clothes, so I’d have to kick his plaid-wearing ass while naked.” In reality, I would struggle valiantly without accomplishing anything. “That’s not going to end well for one of us—or both of us. Who am I kidding? It would not end well for me. And what if the vampires think I’m a good snack? There are four predators out there, Matthieu. There is one of me, and if you break me down into thirds, there’s one prey species, one probable predator, and a fairly lazy human who likes hot chocolate more than fighting.”
“That’s a good point. I’d have to get involved if they tried to drink from you. While I’d sacrifice you to your sexy lumberjack, I draw the line at the vampires.”
I huffed and resumed observing Leonard while he continued studying our zombie moose. “Maybe I should go ask if he plans on taking her home with him. I might fight with him over custody of our moose.”
Leonard checked the screen, said something to the vampires, and headed for our front door.
My brother made a thoughtful sound in this throat. “Well, this is going to be interesting.”
“Embarrass me, and I will kill you myself.”
“You can’t kill me, Nadine. I’m already dead.”
I growled curses at my brother, set my hot chocolate on the nearby end table, and went to the door, opening it before Leonard had a chance to knock. “Are we going to be getting into a custody battle over the zombie moose? I found her first.”
The lycanthrope chuckled. “No, but I did want to inquire what you want done with her. My name is Leonard Andretti, and I’m here on behalf of the CDC to investigate the unusual undead activity in the area. As for your moose, she’s a non-degrading species of zombie, so she’ll stay in good condition for a long time. Her intelligence quota is higher than typical for a zombie, too. She obviously can’t stay here. The locals would kill her for no good reason, so I wanted to inquire if you would approve of protective custody to take her somewhere safe, where she’ll be cared for. The record on you says you’re a shapeshifter, but my nose says you’re infected with lycanthropy. You’ll need to be tested.” Leonard held up his meter. “I happen to have a scanner, and I’m qualified to register your status.”
Crap. “I may have tumbled into a hotspot recently. I am a shapeshifter, though. I’mstilla shapeshifter. I don’t care what your scanner says or what accusations it makes. I am definitely a shapeshifter. And the CDC says it’s impossible for me to be a lycanthrope, and I don’t want that argument right now.”
Leonard made a thoughtful sound in his throat, tapping at the screen. “And your brother?”
I growled at the interloping lycanthrope. “He doesn’t need anyone poking and prodding at him. He’s had a rough enough time dealing with me lately.”
“Early onset lycanthropes tend to be grouchy, possessive beasts. For the sake of disclosure, I’m a timber wolf.” Leonard checked the scanner, and he blinked. “This says you’re a…?”
“Platypus. Platypus shapeshifter.”
Leonard leaned towards me and took a few sniffs. My virus liked the attention and demanded I indulge him. The platypus in me was ready to roll over to have her belly rubbed.
Something about him made me want to bite, and I clacked my teeth together. “If you think my status as a platypus is weird, my father is a Shetland pony, and he’s a cop in New York. Our parents are American-Canadian, and they have passed down their American-Canadian tendencies to us, but honestly, we were raised to be Canadian. While we’re American citizens, we’ve never actually been to the United States before.”
Thanks to Matthieu’s situation, we’d be heading over for a permanent stay, strangers in a strange land with even stranger circumstances nipping at our heels.
