Page 8 of Plaidypus
“Just about everyone around these parts hates the undead, so they’re dispatched—and the town right across the border in Quebec? Well, we can get mighty competitive about it, eh?”
He glanced at his companions, and as one, they all revealed their fangs at me.
Oh, boy. “I’d invite you in for a drink, but I can’t say I have any fresh blood for you ladies. I wouldn’t let the folks in town know about those fangs of yours, though. They go the stake and decapitate route here, and while I tend to let be, most don’t.” I regarded the women with interest, frowning before staring up at the sky. “I thought vampires couldn’t go outside during the day.”
“We’re old,” one of the women replied, and she smiled at me. “I’m Nancy. My sisters are Theresa and Tilly. I was sure I’d get at least a gasp out of you.”
I relaxed and gestured to my brother’s phone. “Sorry, but the mummified ice wolf is the current leader of the scary undead convention. Those beavers werenasty. They’re known for ripping apart vampires of all stripes, even the human kind, to shreds. Do yourself a favor. If you see any beavers, back away. They are no joke. The living ones aren’t all that aggressive, but the undead ones? They ruled the roost until that wolf came along.” I turned my attention to the handsome stranger. “And who are you?”
“Leonard,” he replied. “And yourself?”
“Nadine. My brother’s Matthieu, but he’s a chickenshit and won’t come out of the basement if the moose is in the yard.” I gave her a pat, and she huffed and pressed her head closer to my neck. “She attracts all sorts of undead, so I can’t say I blame him. I usually wait for her to wander off before getting in the car when I need to go to town, though.”
“You don’t have a job in town?” Leonard asked, and he narrowed his eyes.
“I’ve been looking for remote work, especially with the undead conventions that are taking place in our yard. We’ll be moving soon. The last thing I need is for a hotspot to crop up under the house, so we’re going to go crash on our parents’ couch for a while. Just be careful if you go to town.”
“We were already there, but we didn’t show them our fangs,” Nancy replied. “The folks there were the ones who pointed us your way when we asked about the vampires, but they didn’t mention anything about the vampires being foxes.”
“Yeah, I have a reputation,” I complained. “I’m one of two people in town who doesn’t knock off the undead the instant I spot them, so I get the crazy undead drama in my yard.” After a moment of thought, I realized it made a lot of sense for the townsfolk to point them in my direction. “But I guess I’d also know where the vampires are, since I don’t kill them and keep track of them—and I call town if we think there’s anything headed their way. That’s only polite, you know.”
“Of course. I’d definitely want to know if there were vampiric foxes headed my way,” Leonard muttered.
“If you think the zombie moose is bad, wait until you see your first vampiric moose. They can drain a body dry in minutes, and they’re damned tough to kill.” Everyone in town had come out for that show, and I’d even helped with killing off that bastard of a moose, as had Matthieu—and I’d been the one to warn the town there was a vampiric moose on the loose. “Actually, on second thought, you don’t want to see a vampiric moose at all. This lady? She’s a nice girl. Vampiric moose are not nice.”
“We’d heard the story about the vampiric moose,” Leonard admitted. “The old man at the grocer about talked my ear off praising you about that, because you called it in and weaponized your pickup to slow it down.”
Oh, shit. I had, too. I missed my truck. I heaved a sigh. “That truck lost to a live moose, and since we’re moving, I haven’t replaced it. I’m going to use the insurance money to help pay for the movers.”
There. It wasn’t a lie, and it covered why my truck was a distant memory.
“We’d heard about that, too. Said he was worried about you and your brother after the crash, and that you two have been pretty quiet.”
“The whiplash was awful, and I’m still mourning for my truck. She lost.” I slumped my shoulders, turned the phone, and checked my brother’s camera roll for one of the more embarrassing pictures of me professing my love for my big beauty of a truck. I found one of me kissing my newly installed moose grill and showed it to them. “Wasn’t she beautiful? She was the first new vehicle I ever got, and I worked my ass off to be able to afford her.”
Leonard whistled. “No wonder the townies were worried. That’s a serious truck, ma’am.”
“Moose can take out transports with grills. That grill makes a whole lot of difference. Crunched truck, busted engine, some shattered glass, but we both walked. Pity about the moose, though—they’re good eatin’, but it was bad enough getting the truck towed, as we’d left our phones at home, so we had to walk home first.” I stared at the picture of my deceased truck and sniffled. “She was such a good truck.”
“You’ve been holing up here because you’re sad your truck was totaled?” Leonard blurted.
I waved my brother’s phone in the man’s face, irritated he couldn’t understand why I would be upset over the loss of my vehicle. “I earned that truck, and damnit, she wasmine!Damned straight I’m sad my truck was totaled.” I grunted, wrinkled my nose, and decided I wouldn’t pay any mind to any of my animal instincts. “And if they’re spouting some nonsense in town about it, well, they can kiss my skinny ass!”
I grumbled curses, turned on a heel, and marched back to the house. In the reflection of the front window, I was treated to the moose reaching out her head and trying to graze on Leonard’s hair.
“Looks like your manly charms aren’t doing you any good today,” Nancy teased. “I’m sorry about him, Nadine. He didn’t mean any harm. He’s just clueless about women and doesn’t know what to make of one who had a better truck than he does. Feel better soon, and good luck on your move.”
“Thanks, Nancy. Good luck on your search for the foxes. And honestly, I’d get out of town before they figure out you’re vampires, you hear?”
“Loud and clear,” the vampire replied, and she waved. “We’ll be careful.”
I closed the door, hissed a few more curses at my foul luck, and went to make another cup of hot chocolate while my resident animals mourned over the lost opportunity to become close friends with the new man in town. Then again, if the townsfolk found out he kept company with a trio of vampire women, he’d come to a quick and unfortunate end.
Hopefully, they’d heed my advice and leave.
THREE
They’re evaluating the zombie moose’s general health.
