Page 6 of Dirty Diana
But really, honestly, I didn’tactuallythink I would. Have sex with the bartender. I’d never had a one-night stand. But then like, here I was, newly single—okay, recently dumped—cocktail waitressing in a strange city, andacting like I was so cocky. It was easy to be confident at work because the place was always packed and everyone there was desperate to order drinks so even though you were technically waiting on them you had a kind of power. If a customer was shitty, you just ignored them all night, and you got the other girls to ignore them too. Anyway, this guy was a decent bartender and he flirted with every single waitress in the place. He could have sex with any of us, even the hostess and she had a boyfriend. All night as I was working, carrying tray after tray of drinks, I kept thinking, yeah, I want to sleep with someone I don’t know. Someone whose body will be a total surprise. And when he touches me, I won’t know what it’s going to feel like or what’s coming next.
And so, when I handed him my tables’ orders I’d write, like,Vodka soda. Scotch rocks. Let’s get out of here.
It was a joke between us all night. And my notes got bolder each time.Martini up, twist. What’s your place like? Want to show me?
Then, like,Two Stellas. Margarita, rocks. Sex on the Beach—oh, that one’s too easy.Stupid, silly stuff, you know? But it made us both laugh.
And then it was 2a.m.and our shift was over and the music stopped. They flipped on the bright overhead lights and I thought for sure the mood was gone. But as I was cleaning up, I could feel him still watching me. He had these bright blue eyes and they were playful even with the lights on. And as soon as I finished cashing out my tips I felt his hand on the small of my back and it sent a kind of charge through me, like, I’m really going to do this.
When I turned to face him, he took me by the hand and pulled me out onto the street. It was raining but somehow we got a cab so maybe it was meant to be. And we jumped in the back, so fast, and in the dark, my hands were down his pants and he was up my shirt…I don’t remember his name—I honestly don’t—but I remember how his hands felt under my bra. They were cold, but it felt good, like my whole body was waking up. I wanted to take off all my clothes right there so I could show him. So he could touch me everywhere. So I could see how he felt. I wanted him to touch every part of my body—
“Diana?” Oliver calls from the hallway and I jump. I hit stop and shove the recorder in my pocket. Then I shut the lid on the shoebox of tapes and bury it deep inside a bin of Emmy’s baby clothes.
Oliver appears in the doorway. “Any luck with the wrapping paper?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head. “I’ll pick some up while I’m out.”
He hands me a travel mug of coffee and wraps his arm around my waist.
“Thank you.”
“Of course.”
He nuzzles my neck. “You smell good.”
I feel my body tighten when it should relax.
He pulls me closer and eyes the door. “Emmy is still sound asleep.”
I scan every part of my own body and wish for the right feeling—but any longing to return his affection feels just out of reach. I pull away and smile.
“What?” he asks.
“What do you mean, ‘what’?”
“You’re looking at me funny. Staring.”
“No, I’m not.” Yes, I am. I’m staring specifically at the hair curling out of his left nostril.Don’t focus on the hair. Focus on the kind eyes. The coffee mug, those hands, the steam.
Oliver wipes at his chin like maybe there’s food on his face.
“You just have…this hair.” I point. “There.”
“Shit.” He laughs. “I’m turning into my father. I’ll use that trimmer you gave me, I promise.” He swipes his nose with one finger, trying to push the hair back into place. “Better?”
L’Wren is honking outside. Three quick blasts.
“I wish I didn’t have to go.” I slip from his arms with a kiss on the cheek.
He gazes around the room at all the cleaning out that needs to be done.
“Next weekend?” I smile.
“Sure.” His eyes aren’t on me, but on all the mountains of discarded stuff.
Chapter 2
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