Page 31 of Dirty Diana
Jasper raises a glass and looks at the small crowd of friends and staff who have gathered. “Thank you to everyone for being here. I was a pile of raw nerves earlier, but y’all didn’t miss a beat. I went from notwanting the night to begin to not wanting it to ever end.” He bows his head slightly. “This really has been about years of work for me and my fierce champion, Ms. Cross.” Sylvia beams like a schoolgirl, clutching her heart and mouthingthank youfor the crowd to see.
Then Jasper’s eyes dance across his audience until they land on me. I can’t help casually turning my head to make sure there isn’t someone else behind me. But it’s just an empty doorway. My gaze meets his and it’s so startling that I look down and audibly exhale, as if my body is attempting to put out the fire he creates. Around me, the crowd shifts, waiting for Jasper to continue. When the silence goes on a beat too long, I lift my head and my eyes meet Jasper’s again. He smiles and continues, “The night took many unexpected turns.” Even the sound of his voice, easy and sure, turns me on. “One in particular that I haven’t quite gotten over.”
“The Desert Ten selling before we even served a single drink, maybe?” Sylvia laughs. If Jasper heard her, he doesn’t acknowledge it. Instead he looks directly at me and says, “Pretty great party.” My cheeks burn a deep pink. I smile and mouth,The best.Then Jasper clears his throat, releasing us both from his spell. His eyes fall away from mine and sweep the room. He showers his dazzling smile on the entire crowd. He’s not just mine anymore. But he’s still fun to watch. He lifts his glass. “Cheers.”
Sylvia raises a glass toward the back of the room. “This was you too!” she says insincerely to the staff. “This entire night was perfect!”
“Cheers,” I say quietly, suddenly realizing I don’t have a glass to raise. I wipe my sweaty hands on my apron and try not to smile toobig.
Then I watch Jasper as he’s pulled back into a web of admirers, a sticky mix of heartfelt congratulations, kisses, and jealousy. There’s no more eye contact and slowly, steadily, as the party wears on, what happened in the office seems like days not minutes ago. I have to remind myself it really happened and I didn’t just dream it up.
So that it doesn’t slip through my fingers completely, I take the feeling of being in that office with him—the surprising rush of desireand affection—and I imagine folding it neatly, like a cocktail napkin, and tucking it away. This way, I tell myself, I won’t forget the feeling. Or maybe, folded away, it won’t sting if we never return to it.
—
An hour later, after the gallery has completely emptied out, Alicia pulls out a quarter. “Heads, you take out the garbage, tails you warm up the car.” To make up for being such assholes tonight, Alicia and I told Barry to let us handle the cleanup. We’ve already swept and mopped the floors, scrubbed out the oven, and wiped down all the kitchen counters.
She flips the coin in the air, and it clatters to the gallery’s wood floor. Heads. I groan and hand her my car keys so she can warm up thecar.
I’m doing a terrible job at not being disappointed that Jasper didn’t find me in the kitchen to say good night, but staying busy helps. I roll out the big trash can for collection and throw two heavy-duty bags into the dumpster. The cold night air feels good on my face.It was just impulse,I tell myself. What really bothers me, though, is this feeling that I miss him. Is that even possible? Twenty-four hours ago, we’d never met and I hardly knew he existed.
When I get to my car, I see Barry has duct-taped my rear bumper back on. Of course he has. Alicia is curled up asleep in the back seat. I get in, and it’s freezing cold, even with the heat blasting. I look out the windshield and see that someone has left a rectangular package against the wiper. I get back out to grab it, then flip on the overhead light. There’s a note written in Magic Marker on the paper wrapping.
Diana, I think this is your car. And this definitely belongs to you.
—Jasper
P.S. If you’re not Diana, then you’re a thief and please return this to Sylvia Cross at Cross Gallery. Reward offered.
—
Jasper is long gone, I know, but I can’t shake the feeling I’ve had all night, that he’s watching me still. I carefully open the wrapping, my heartbeat picking up. And there it is, the photograph I loved so much. I’ve never been given a gift like this. I stare at it for a full minute before I grin into the rearview mirror, then I angle it down to watch Alicia breathing, fast asleep in the back seat. Nobody here but me to witness my reunion with the running girl. I set my gift on the passenger seat. Then I drive Alicia home, reaching out each time I stop to keep the photograph from sliding forward.
Chapter 10
—
It’s two weeks of thinking of Jasper constantly, without end, and then one day, I show up for work at Justine’s studio and find him pacing out front. My heart and stomach switch places. It has snowed overnight, a light April storm, and there’s a dusting of untouched powder on every surface. At first he doesn’t notice me and I watch him walking back and forth. He’s in short sleeves despite the weather, and he runs his fingers through his dark hair, longer since I last saw him.
He exhales, leaving icy clouds in the air, and when he catches sight of me, he shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He looks like an anxious teenager.
“Hey,” I say. “How long have you been out here? It’s freezing.”
It’s not clear to me whether he’s here to see me or Justine.
“Diana. I hope you don’t mind me showing up at your work.” He blows into his hands and rubs them together for warmth. “But I’m totally fucked and I couldn’t think of anyone else to ask for help.” I’m thrown by his panicked look. I had expected the composed guy of the gallery opening, but now he seems genuinely distressed. His eyes are ringed with dark circles.
“Are you okay?”
“My assistant quit on me and now I’ve got no help and a huge shoot.”
“Oh.” I’m relieved it’s just work that has him worried. Or am I? For a split second I had thought his unease was over me, somehow, and he meant to say,I’m totally fucked because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you and so I tracked you down.“When’s the shoot?”
“I’m supposed to be in Marfa tomorrow; it’s a magazine editorial and a cover. I screwed up and no-showed on an assignment for them last year, and they’re making a big deal about giving me a second chance.” Over his shoulder, I notice the vintage blue-and-white Ford from hisAperturephoto. I was so sure it was just a prop, not his actual truck. “I need to leave in the next hour to get there before sundown so I can set up for tomorrow. It’s a quick job, but a big one. I can’t show up without an assistant.” Jasper gives me a funny look. “Diana. Please?”
“Me?” I laugh. “I don’t know anything about photography. Also, I have to work. And it’s in Texas?” He looks down at his boots and traces an arc in the fallen snow. And we hardly know each other. Why me? When he doesn’t say anything, I add again, “And I don’t know anything about photography.”
He looks up at me and smiles. “But you’re an artist and I really just need someone with a good eye.Andyou work for Justine, which means you’ve already worked for an incredible hard-ass so this will feel like a walk in the park. Or the desert, I guess.” He smiles again and all I can think isArt-Throb, how fitting.“I’d tell you where to hold thelights. You’d hand me lenses. Seriously, Diana, it might be fun. And I’ll pay you double for any work you miss.”
