Page 99 of Finding Hayes
Sav,
Six fucking months. I can’t believe I’m still writing you letters when you don’t even open them or read them. But somehow, it helps to write to you. It makes me feel close to you. I want to hate you for leaving me. I try to hate you, Sav, but I can’t. Kate’s trying to fill your shoes, but I can’t talk to her. Not the way I talked to you. And she’s a cold person, so I don’t trust her. A part of me feels like maybe that’s what I deserve. Someone who I can’t hurt because sometimes I thinkshe doesn’t have actual feelings. I don’t have to worry with her. Maybe we deserve each other.
My mother is still with Barry. She’s a horrible example for Saylor. She married two men that have shit on her children. How will I ever forgive her or respect her after all that’s happened? She had the audacity to tell me that someday I’d understand how difficult it is to do the right thing when I have kids of my own. Sav, I laughed in her face. I’m never having kids. I’m never going to do to anyone what my parents have done to me and Saylor.
Tell me how you’re doing. Please. I need to know you’re okay. Why won’t you speak to me? What did I do to make you leave and cut me out of your life? I know I’m not an easy guy to be around. I get that. But you were the one person who appreciated me for who I am. I miss you. I’m not giving up on you, Sav. Peas and carrots. I’ve got the tattoo to remind me of you every day. Of us. Please call me.
Hayes
I folded up the paper and set it back in the box, lying back on the bed and processing what I’d read.
He had a lot of anger toward his parents, and rightfully so.
He’d needed me, and I hadn’t been there.
But we’d found our way back to one another, and I wouldn’t allow anything to come between us again.
twenty-seven
. . .
Hayes
“Why arewe having my mother over for dinner?” I asked, as I wrapped my arms around Savannah’s waist, her back to my chest. I kissed her neck and nipped at her earlobe as she continued stirring the pasta sauce.
This house was no longer just a bachelor pad where I crashed when I was home. She’d changed everything about it. It smelled good. There were colorful pillows on the couch and curtains on the windows.
It was a home now.
The transformation reminded me a little of myself. I was no longer a shell of a man. I was different in a way, too, as if she’d put colorful pillows and curtains on my soul.
Savannah Woodson had a gift for bringing everyone around her to life.
“Because I went over to see her with Saylor, and she mentioned that she hadn’t seen you in a while,” she said, as she turned in my arms and held the spoon up over her palm to let me sample it.
I groaned as the warm sauce hit my tongue. “Damn, baby.That’s delicious.”
“Right? It’s Lily’s recipe,” she said, waggling her brows. “She taught me how to make this sauce my freshman year in high school.”
“It’s damn good. But I liked it better when I came home a few days ago and found you cooking in this same apron with nothing beneath it.” I ran the pad of my thumb over her bottom lip.
“Hey, every day can’t be Christmas,” she said with a sexy-ass smirk on her face. “Your mom’s coming over, and I think she might find it startling to find me in an apron with nothing underneath.”
“She’d be fine with it.” I smirked.
“She misses you. She’s not with Barry anymore, and he’s been gone for a few months. She made mistakes, but it’s not too late to have a relationship with her. You can choose what that looks like, but she deserves a chance, doesn’t she?”
“This is because of those damn letters, isn’t it?” I grumped.
She’d been reading a few letters every day, and then we’d talk about them. About the year from hell that I’d had all those years ago.
The worst time of my life. A time when I’d invited Kate into my world even more because… she was there. And I was a dumbass teenager who was struggling.
“It’s because life is about healing, Hayes. And you and me, together, we’re healing.”
How did she do that? Every fucking time? I couldn’t even be mad around this woman because she made too much fucking sense. And she was good to her core, so it was hard to fault her for trying to make my life better.
“I’m healed as long as I have you. That’s all that matters to me.” It was the fucking truth.
