Page 83 of Drive Me Wild
“I always knew your career came first for you… I just didn’t realize it had to for me as well,” she says, her voice scarily detached. Rather than hot cocoa, her eyes look like quicksand, telling me that I’ve fallen and there’s no escape route. We’re not making it out of this situation without one of us drowning. “Sothis,” she waves to the space between us, “doesn’t work for me, either.”
I don’t say a damn word. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. Everything I should say catches in my throat, unable to get past the massive lump forming.
Josie walks out without a backward glance. I’m not even worth another look. An unbearably sharp pain takes hold of my body that seems to stretch on forever. It takes me a moment to realize it’s not a heart attack, it’s just a broken heart.
THIRTY
JOSIE
A weekafter I tell Theo we’re through, I meet him at my favorite ice cream parlor. Neutral territory, except for the fact that the employees know my name and order by heart. Well, they know Theo’s name, too, but only because he’s been here with me a few times. And probably because his face graces the front of tabloid magazines every week.
I pass the glass case filled with dozens of flavors as I make my way to the two syrup dispensers Theo’s camped out by.God, he’s gorgeous.Brown hair brushed away from his face, stubble marking his chiseled jaw, blue eyes so beautiful, I could drown in them. Every person in the shop stares at him with their phone cameras playing amateur paparazzi. I don’t blame them. He’s breathtakingly beautiful. He’s also so used to the attention that it doesn’t even register for him.
“‘Ello, angel,” he greets me, a lopsided smile appearing on his lips. “Thanks for meeting me.”
Theo’s called and texted me so many times in the past few days, I thought my phone was going to self-implode. I didn’t answer him until now, knowing my emotions were too raw to have a productive conversation.
I don’t get a word in before Marco—my favorite employee—thrusts a bumpy, freshly-made waffle cone into my hand. Two scoops of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream sprinkled with gummy bears sit on top. My go-to order. He gives Theo a kid’s size cup of vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles, even though he has a stellar memory and is fully aware that Theo likes pistachio ice cream with chocolate sprinkles. It’s like heknowsTheo acted like a child and, therefore, should be treated like one.
Marco scoffs at our attempt to pay for our treats. “On the house,” he says, throwing me a wink.
Even if Kelsey gives the go-ahead on pursuing my ice cream sandwich shop idea, I’ll always be loyal to this place. This kind of customer service earns allegiance.
Theo chuckles at the staff’s familiarity with me—it never fails to amaze him. Who needs bottle service when you can have ice cream shop service? I’ll take that over bottles of Veuve any day of the week.
“I want to apologize,” Theo says as I dig into my ice cream. He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand. “I was a selfish prick, Jos, and I’m so sorry.”
I lick the sugary mix of smooth ice cream and bits of cookie dough to buy myself some time. I’ve rehearsed what I want to say a million times, but now I can no longer remember a single word. This is why I didn’t get a real role in my school’s play production: stage fright.
It takes me a few more moments to find my voice. “You really hurt me. I told you about an opportunity I’m excited for, and the only thing you wanted to know was what it meant for you.”
Theo nods. “I know. I wasn’t sure what to say, and I overreacted, Jos. I acted like what I wanted is more important than what you want, and that wasn’t fair of me. There’s no excuse for my behavior.”
“You could’ve said you were happy for me. That it’s an amazing opportunity,” I say softly. “That it may be an adjustment, but that you’d fight for us.”
Theo rests his elbows on the table and searches my face. His blue eyes are glassy, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. “You’re right. That is what I should’ve said because Iamhappy for you and itisan amazing opportunity. And even if I’m terrified of losing you, I sure as hell am going to fight for us. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Confusion floods through me, making me lightheaded. “What do you mean, you’re scared to lose me? What would make you think that might happen?”
Theo swipes at his eyes and turns to the wall to shield his face from the onlookers. “Because if you leave McAllister behind, then maybe you’ll leave me behind, too. You’ll realize that I’m not your favorite person. That there’s someone else who can love you better than I can.”
I’m not used to seeing this vulnerable side of Theo—walls stripped down, heart completely exposed, waiting for me to nurture it or rip it to shreds. I’m suddenly not in the mood for my ice cream anymore.
“I couldn’t leave you behind even if I wanted to,” I say gently. “We promised we’d always be best friends, yeah?”
The hopeful spark in his eyes fades and makes my stomach churn. “Is that all we are, Jos? Friends?”
I don’t want to say it out loud, but I have to.
“I think friends is what’s best for us both,” I admit quietly. “At least for right now. When you reacted that way, it broke my heart. And I started second-guessing if it was a silly idea. If you were right. If Formula 1 is, and should stay, my life.”
A strangled noise comes from Theo. “I’m an idiot.”
“I’m not disputing that,” I say with a small smile. “But I have to decide what I want my future to look like on my own, withoutworrying about how you—or anyone else—will react. I’ve gone from one relationship to the next, but now is my chance to be alone and figure myself out for a change. I owe myself that much.”
“And while I’m sorting out my own stuff,” I add, “you can decide if McAllister is the right team for you, whether I’m there to handle your social media or not.”
He flinches at my words. “Don’t… don’t give up on us,” he says quietly. “Please, Josie.”
