Page 52 of Drive Me Wild
You know what they say—an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.
Seriously. It’s scientifically proven.
Feel better and happy masturbating, darling!
xx,
Mum
Aggressively loud laughter rips through me, and I topple over onto my side. I reread the note three more times, but it justkeeps getting better every time I do. Josie plays with my hair as I attempt to get ahold of myself.
“This is gold, Bancroft,” I howl, my abs constricting. “And she gave you another vibrator?”
Josie’s shown me the large plastic container under her bed that houses the various vibrators, dildos, lube, anal beads, and sword-looking things her mum has given her over the years.
“It’s called theBuzz Lightyear,” Josie admits with a small smile. “Not only does it have seven vibration settings, but it glows in the dark.”
I lose my cool all over again. I’d break my fingers before I ever let my mum say the wordmasturbationin front of me, but Josie seems relatively unconcerned, used to her mum’s intrusion on her sex life.
“Can we watch a horror movie or something?” I ask, still laughing. “This vibrator talk is just making my predicament worse.”
Thankfully, Theo Jr. manages to stay on his best behavior for the rest of the night, even when Josie takes a shower before we head to bed. Yep. I’m sleeping over. Even though Josie swears she changed her sheets this morning, she does it again just to make me feel better.
I shoot Martin a text as I snuggle into Josie’s warm, clean bed.
Theo Walker
Any update on the contract?
Martin the Manager
Not yet, but it’s only been two weeks. You know this can take months.
Theo Walker
I’m impatient.
Martin the Manger
I’m aware. I was there when the server told you your plate was hot, and you ignored him and burnt the fuck out of your fingers. Almost missed a race because your hands were out of sorts.
Theo Walker
In my defense, he didn’t clarify it was “you’ll literally get third-degree burns and scream” hot.
Martin the Manager
Just keep your Gucci knickers out of a twist, eh? No need to prematurely burn yourself this time around.
Theo Walker
Only Lucas wears Gucci. Mine are Tom Ford. But I’ll try.
Josie pops her head out of the bathroom with a mouth full of toothpaste thirty minutes later. She starts talking but I have no idea what she’s trying to say. Holding out a finger, she disappears from sight. The moment she’s gone, I place my phone face-down on the bedside table. It feels slimy, but Jenna’s in town and has been persistently calling me for the past twenty minutes. The hornier she gets, the more nude photos she sends. I told her I was indefinitely busy, but she’s not taking the hint.
“Are you discovering a new scientific element or something?” I call out. “You’ve been in there for five hours.”
Her skin care routine has more steps than an Ikea furniture instruction manual. She probably puts sunscreen on before bed to protect her skin from the moon’s dangerous glow.
