Page 68 of Drive Me Crazy
“Mm-hmm.” His voice is soft, almost like he’s scared he’ll spook me if he talks too loudly. I twist the sleeve of his shirt between my fingers. “I remember.”
“I didn’t tell you the full story,” I admit quietly. Salty tears fall down my cheeks, and Blake wipes them away with the pad of his thumb.
Realization slowly creeps over his face. “It was you, wasn’t it?”
All I can do is nod. Blake releases a heavy breath, clenching his jaw so tightly that he’s shaking. I shrink away, wanting to shield myself from his reaction.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“What?” Blake looks genuinely confused. “You’re sorry?”
“You opened up to me about your anxiety and your family, and I didn’t tell you about this until now. I don’t—”
“Ella, baby, no,” he interrupts me. His face crumbles, the hardness in his eyes dissolving. “I’m not angry at you. God, no. I’m angry this happenedtoyou.”
“You’re not upset I didn’t tell you before?” I bite my lip to try to stop more tears from welling. “It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you. I just didn’t know how to.”
“I’m going to punch a hole in the wall later and quite possibly commit murder,” he admits. “But I promise it has nothing to do with you, love. You just shared something intensely personal and private with me. I’m here for you however you need me to be, okay? Thank you for trusting me.”
He pulls me against him, and I bury my face in his chest. I feel his heart pounding as he runs his hand up and down my back in a comforting motion. It’s like a fucking dam’s been broken, everything that’s been bottled up and kept tightly under lock and key finally breaking loose. My body shakes as tears soak through Blake’s shirt. I haven’t cried like this inmonthsand now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. I’m not sure how long the two of us lie there with Blake holding me as I let everything out.
I lean back from him sometime later, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. It’s definitely not the cutest thing I’ve ever done. I take a deep breath. “It happened about a month after I went to HR to report the harassment. I was in the studio room—it’s on another floor than our offices, so it’s a lot quieter—prepping notes for my next interview.”
Blake stays quiet, letting me talk at my own pace. The muscles in his jaw tick despite his soft expression. I know I can stop talking right now and he’d be okay with that, but I want him to know. It’s not even a want, it’s aneed.
“I’m assuming Connor found out that I went to HR because he showed up and started yelling at me. Told me I’m a fucking prude and shouldn’t take things so seriously.” I close my eyes in an attempt to hide from the memory. “When I tried to leave the room, he pinned me against the wall. He started groping me and ripped off my underwear and”—I take a deep breath, working up the nerves to finish the sentence—“said no one else was around to hear him fucking the attitude out of me.”
I pause again before continuing. “Marcus, a sound engineer, came in as Connor was unbuttoning his pants … I guess he forgot his notebook. I told him I was on my way out and would go downstairs with him, so he waited while I got my things together.”
Thewhat-ifsstill make my stomach churn. What if Marcus hadn’t come at that exact moment? What if he hadn’t forgotten his notes? What if he was in a rush and couldn’t wait for me? What if I had frozen and didn’t say anything?
I’ve never seen Blake look so furious. His eyes are fiery, lips pursed into a tight line. The veins in his neck are popping, muscles pulsing. “Why thefuckdid they not arrest him?”
“I’msurprised they even investigated him.” I hunch further into myself, wishing I could magically disappear. “It’s his word against mine and you know who his dad is. The prosecutor didn’t think there was enough evidence to move forward with the case, so they didn’t.”
“I am so sorry, love.” Blake rubs his hands over his face before kissing my forehead lightly. “You are unbelievably strong.”
“Most of the time, I’m fine, you know? I’ve worked through a lot of it in therapy. But with podcasting … it’s just over-whelming.”
I turn my head into the pillow to hide my face as I start crying again. Blake wraps his arms tighter around me. “It’s all right, baby. I’ve got you, okay? I promise I’m not going anywhere.”
Feeling safe in Blake’s arms is a new kind of intimacy. I’d be lying if I said I don’t love him for that.
THIRTY
Blake
I REST my hands on the steering wheel, letting the familiar feel of the car’s vibrations calm me. The smell of fuel and burning rubber distract me from the white-hot rage twisting through me. It’s constantly there, pulsing and threatening to break loose at any moment. It feels like I’m choking on my temper, unable to swallow down what Ella went through. I’m going to kill Connor Brixton. I don’t know how or when, but I will kill him. EachLaw and Orderepisode I watch with Ella gives me new twisted ways to murder that son of a bitch.
“Everything look good, Hollis?” an engineer asks through the radio.
“Sweating my balls off,” I reply grumpily. “How fucking humid is it?”
“Eighty-four percent humidity.”
Bloody hell. Even though it’s a night race, the Singapore heat is brutal. Add in twenty-three corners on a bumpy street surface and you’ve got one of the most physically exhausting races.
As I wait for the gantry light to start flicking on, images of Ella’s assault play in my mind. The pain in her eyes as she toldme what he said to her, what he tried to do to her. The thought of a man double her size pressing her up against a wall. The way she bit her lip to try to stop the tears from welling in her eyes. The knowledge that Connor had the nerve to threaten her career when she got the police involved. Her ability to be so emotionally vulnerable with me despite everything she’s been through.
