Page 70 of Drive Me Crazy
“No,” is all I can manage.
I know if I stand up, there’s no way I’m making it more than a few steps without collapsing. The last thing I need right now is to faint in a goddamn bar. I’m focusing on my breathing.Deep breath in, deep breath out.I repeat the motion, trying to clear my mind. Lucas sits next to me a few moments later and hands me a cup of water. I hold it to my forehead to cool myself down; I feel entirely too hot.
“What’s going on?” I hear Ella’s voice drift into my ear a few minutes later. “Blake?”
Thank God.I slowly lift my head up even though I feel like it’s going to float away at any moment. Sitting down, she places the cup of cold water against my lips. I take a few small sips. My friends give us space, so it’s just the two of us tucked away at the table. I’m not sure how long we sit there with Ella slowly rubbing circles into my back. I feel fucking pathetic.
“I didn’t know where you went and I panicked,” I finally manage to cough out. “Thought something had happened.”
“Ugh. The bathroom line took forever,” she complains. “I’m almost positive people were snorting coke in there. Orthey were having a very long quickie. Wait, why would you think something happened?”
When I don’t answer right away, a quiet “oh” escapes Ella’s lips. I don’t even want to fucking say it. The words burn my throat coming out. “I hate him,” I say softly. “I hate what he did to you. I hate knowing that you went through that. I hate that I can’t protect you from all the bad shit in the world.”
“I know.” She rests her head against my shoulder. “But it’s in the past, okay?”
She opens her purse and rummages around to find something. Pulling out a lipstick, she hands it to me.
“Are you going to kiss an attacker to death?” I twist the bottom to see what color her deadly makeup is. A tiny knife pops up instead.What the fuck?
“It’s a lipstick knife,” Ella explains as if I can’t blatantly see the sharp blade in my hand. “Poppy and Jack got it for me before I left. I’ve never used it, but I keep it on me just in case.”
How has airport security not taken that from her? Where did her friends even buy that?
“See? I can protect myself.” She takes it out of my hand and tucks it back into its rightful place next to her real lipstick. God forbid she ever gets the two confused. “I’ve also taken a few self-defense classes.”
I’m glad she’s taken self-defense, but Ella’s petite. Unless she turns into the Hulk when provoked, it doesn’t help ease my mind much. I mumble some approving noise, anyway. There’s no need for her to worry about me worrying.
“Do your friends know, um, why you freaked out? Because of me?”
“God, no,” I reassure her. Taking her hand in mine, my heart rate continues to slow down. “I wouldn’t tell them that.”
She nods. “I just don’t want people thinking aboutthatwhenever they think of me or my career, you know?”
“Listen to me.” I hold her chin in my hand. “Whathappened has no reflection on you as a person or as a professional, okay? It isn’t your fault, and no one would ever blame you for it.”
Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, she gives me a small smile. “Do you feel any better? You’re not shaking anymore.”
I hadn’t realized Iwasshaking. “I’m doing okay.”
She nods and bites the end of the straw in her drink before taking a sip. It comes sputtering out of her mouth, spraying me like I’m sitting in the front row at SeaWorld.
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry.” Ella slaps her hand over her mouth. “I wasn’t expecting it to taste so bad.”
“Ah, well, thanks for sharing.” I wipe remnants of her drink from my cheek. “It’s a vodka soda, babe. Did you think it’d be good?”
“I thought I was tipsy enough not to hate it so much.” She places the shitty drink on the table in front of us. “Let’s go back to the hotel.”
All I want to do is take a cold shower and go to bed, but I feel bad making Ella leave. She was having a great time before I freaked out. “No, let’s stay.”
“I don’t really want to,” she lies. When is she going to learn that I know her facial expressions like the back of my hand? “I’m pretty tired.”
She stands up and tells everyone that we’re heading back before I can object. I know the only reason she’s doing this is because my anxiety is bad. I’d be lying if I said I don’t love her for that.
THIRTY-ONE
Ella
WHEN BLAKE INVITES his sister and her family over for brunch the weekend before the Mexico City Grand Prix, I paste on a smile despite my brain nearly setting itself on fire. Besides my brief run-in with Finn and Millie in Silverstone, I haven’t formally met anyone in Blake’s family. And meeting his sister is a big deal. Ahugedeal. She’s the only family he’s ever had and it’s important to him that we get to know one another.No pressure.
