Page 79 of Catching the Coach
I cast my eyes down and pick at the invisible fuzz on the blanket. “Kara and Marie and their families are my family,” I tell him. I know I said I’d tell him about my parents later, I was just hoping he’d forget. It’s not something I like to talk about. Kessler covers my hand with his. I look up and see him staring at me, patiently waiting.
I turn his hand in mine and trace the lines, staring at the grooves. “I grew up well off, never wanting for anything, material, at least. I don’t think I ever heard my parents tell me they loved me. So when I found out I was pregnant, my mother was less than supportive about it. She demanded I get rid of Hudson, or put him up for adoption. I went to my dad thinking maybe he’d help me talk to my mom about it, help me make her see that it isn’t as bad as she was making it out to be. We were never super close, but he’s the reason I love baseball. He used to take me to games when I was a kid. I thought what bond we shared from that would be worth something.” I pause and take a breath, memories of that day unburying themselves. “He barely looked at me, standing in front of him, begging him to help me talk to my mom. He was too busy looking through the paperwork on his desk.” I can feel the prickles of tears forming behind my eyes, and I blink a few times to clear them.
“Hey,” Kessler says softly, taking his hand out of mine and sitting up. He tips my chin up, so I’m looking him in the eyes. “We don’t have to talk about it if it’s too painful. I never want to do anything to cause you pain.”
I sniff and shake my head. “No, it’s ok. I’ve had a lot of time and therapy to come to terms with what happened. It’s just been a long time since I’ve had to talk about it.”
Kessler pulls me into his lap and lays his head on mine as I rest my body into his. “Ok, but if you want to stop at any point, just let me know, and I’ll never bring it up again, unless you want to.”
“Ok,” I tell him quietly. I lay there soaking in the comfort of his body before I continue. “When my dad finally looked up from his work, his eyes told me what I felt my entire life, and his words just solidified it.” I swallow, taking in a deep breath and letting it out. Trying to keep the pain at bay. “He told me my mother just didn’t want me making the same mistakes she made, and that I should listen to her and just terminate the pregnancy and move on with my life.” My voice cracks and I can feel Kessler’s arms tighten around me, like he’s trying to absorb my pain for me. Silent tears run down my cheeks faster than Kessler can wipe them away. Finally he just gives up trying and wraps me tight in his arms and gently rocks me back and forth.
I’m not sure how long we sit in silence. My past flooding my thoughts, but when my tears finally slow, I continue, “Once I got over the shock of being told I was a mistake and that my parents never wanted me, I told them I wouldn’t give Hudson up. They told me they would cut me off and I wouldn’t make anything of myself being a single mother. Which of course, just fueled my need to prove them wrong. I was already working for Tony, but I had to move out of the apartment my parents were paying for. Thankfully Tony let me stay in the apartment over the restaurant. He didn’t even charge me rent. He told me it was nice to have another person starting a family use it like he and his wife had when they first moved here and couldn’t afford anything else.”
“Thank God for Tony,” Kessler whispers into my hair, placing a kiss on my head.
“Thank God for Tony,” I agree. “I went back to my parents a few weeks after I had moved out of my apartment. I don’t know why, maybe to give them one last chance?” I shake my head. “I don’t know what I was expecting, but I went anyway, hoping maybe they’d had a change of heart and they would want to be involved in their grandchild’s life.” I huff out a laugh “I was wrong. When I got there, they had left for vacation and had the housekeeper box up all my stuff and put it in the garage. We had the same housekeeper since I was ten and I felt closer to her then I did my own mother at times. She told me to let her know what I wanted and she would arrange for someone to deliver it to me, since my car at the time, which surprisingly my parents let me keep, wouldn’t fit all of it. I went through my stuff and decided if I was going to start fresh I may as well start completely over. I took the clothes I had left and my old stuffed bunny I had when I was a kid and left the rest behind.”
“And look at the beautiful life you’ve created without them,” Kessler says.
I nod. “I have made a great life for Hudson and me. I never wanted him to go one day questioning if he was loved.”
“There’s no doubt in my mind he knows how much he’s loved,” he tells me, squeezing me tight in a hug.
My eyes grow heavy and a yawn escapes, Kessler reaches over and hits the switch on the light, casting us in shadows. Stretching out on his back, he places a hand behind his head and opens his other for me. I snuggle into the crook of his arm and trace the lines of his well defined stomach with my finger. He pulls his hand from behind his head and laces his fingers with mine, stopping my pattern. Bringing my hand to his lips, he kisses the back of my hand.
“Thank you for trusting me with this,” he whispers into the darkness.
I lift my head and look at him. Streaks of moonlight softly light his features, so I can just make out the contours of his face. “I trust you with everything, Kessler,” I whisper back.
And I mean it. I don’t know how, but in the short time I’ve known this amazing and confident man, he’s earned the trust I never thought I would give to someone again. Which is why I know I have to tell him about Hudson’s father. But after the revelations of my past tonight, I am so physically and emotionally drained, I can barely keep my eyes open.
Tipping my chin, Kessler gives me a soft kiss on the lips, whispering, “Get some sleep, Coach.”
And I drift off wrapped in comfort and safety.
CHAPTERNINETEEN
kessler
After showingLucy how much I love her in the shower this morning, twice, I head out to the living room while she finishes getting ready for the day. My game isn’t until tonight, so I’m not due at the field until this afternoon. Hudson’s still sleeping, so I turn the TV on to ESPN, instead of one of our shows we’ve been binge watching when I’m home. Heading into the kitchen, I pull out stuff for breakfast. My favorite thing about being home on the weekends is that we do family breakfast when we can. If I was in my apartment, I’d just have a shake or an omelet.
I’m grabbing the pancake mix out of the cupboard when I feel arms wrap around my
middle from behind. I set the mix on the counter and turn to see a fresh faced Lucy staring up at me. A warm feeling spreads across my chest, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how beautiful she is. No makeup, hair down and air drying from our shower. Her hazel eyes have taken on a deep green color today, from the burgundy shirt she’s wearing.
I cup the back of her head and trace my nose along hers, teasing her lips with mine. She giggles and I capture it in my mouth. A door opens down the hall and a groan and “gross” follows a few seconds later. Lucy pushes back, giggling. “Sorry Hud,” she says, moving out of my arms and over to the fridge.
“I’m not,” I say, teasing Hudson. He just wrinkles his nose at me and plops down onto the couch. “Trust me, bud, one day, you’re going to meet a girl who is going to make you want to kiss her for the rest of your life, and then you won’t think it’s so gross.”
“God, I hope that’s a long time from now,” Lucy mutters, placing the bacon on the counter. That’s another thing I love about this woman, she’s not afraid to eat, and she can really put away the bacon. I move to grab a baking sheet out of the cupboard, but Lucy beats me to it and shoos me out of the kitchen. “Go watch one of your shows with Hud, I got this.” I place a kiss on her temple and join Hudson in the living room.
“What should we watch today?” I ask, grabbing the remote and sitting on the opposite couch. I’m about to switch it off of ESPN when a familiar face comes onto the screen. Jared Cox. His profile picture from the Devils pops up on the screen, followed by a video clip of flashing cameras and him covering his face leaving a police station. I turn the volume up to hear what the reporter is saying.
“Sources say Cox was charged with driving under the influence, reckless endangerment, and resisting arrest. It’s also rumored that he was on an illegal substance at the time of his arrest. His bail was set at $100,000, which his attorney posted this morning.”
“Hey, we met him at Judd’s game,” Hudson says.
A crash sounds in the kitchen, causing both Hudson and I to whip our heads around. A stunned looking Lucy is standing in the middle of easily a dozen broken eggs. She’s not looking at the mess on the floor though, she’s starting into the living room, at Hudson.
