Page 25 of Friendly Skies
Paul nodded but didn’t say anything as he finished chewing and swallowed, then took a sip of his own wine.
“I know it isn’t helpful to say it wasn’t about you, but it wasn’t.”
“That only makes it worse,” Luis said and focused on Paul. “Because it was about me. Something about me made him think he could do that, and it’s still there because as soon as he was out of jail, he came back around, and I want to know what it is so I can stop doing it or being it. I’m tired of being hurt and damaged and someone who needs to be taken care of.” Luis stopped and bit down on the inside of his cheek because tears were threatening to spill down his cheeks, and he didn’t want to feel so weak and vulnerable. He clenched his fist. “I want to be strong.”
Paul reached out and put his hand over Luis’s, his fingers stroking softly over Luis’s whitened knuckles. “I’m pretty sure Darius doesn’t see you as anything but strong and capable. He doesn’t take care of you because he thinks you’re weak or damaged. He takes care of you because he loves you. Do you think I’m here because you’re incapable of taking care of yourself or can’t handle what’s going on? Luis, you’ve been doing all that on your own since you were sixteen.”
Unable to hold back the threatened tears, Luis ducked his head and drew in a deep, snuffling breath. “I want to believe that,” he said in a small voice.
Paul scooted his chair closer to Luis and wrapped his arms around him. If Luis was on the verge of breaking down, the words Paul whispered in his ear did him in. “Honey, it’s true whether you believe it or not. And if I can see it, I guarantee Darius does, too, but as long as you keep pushing him away, you let this bastard win. Stop letting him win.”
With his face buried against Paul’s shoulder, Luis felt hidden from public view and let his tears flow freely. When a sob threatened to break free, he pressed his mouth harder against the muscles of Paul’s upper arm. It felt like his very core was on fire, burning from the pit of his stomach through the middleof his chest and into his throat, but it wasn’t painful. It was cleansing. For the first time in a long time, Luis felt fully seen, fully heard, fully real.
“Let yourself feel it,” Paul whispered. “And let it go.”
Luis nodded but kept holding onto Paul until he could breathe normally again, and then he sat back, wiping at his eyes and laughing a little self-consciously at how spectacularly he’d broken down. “Thank you,” he whispered as he reached for his napkin and wiped the remaining moisture from his face. He blew out a breath.
Shifting his chair back to its original position, Paul smiled at him. “Anytime, sweetheart.” He cocked his head to the side. “You think you’re weak, but do you know how strong you have to be to keep all that bottled up and still function?”
Luis waved a hand at him. “Stop. Please. I’ll lose it again if you keep talking like that.” He let out another breath. “How’d you get so smart?”
“Lots and lots and lots of therapy, plus a degree in psych.” Paul laughed and Luis joined him.
“Fuck. I could really use some chocolate right now.”
Luckily, they were in a great city for someone in need of a chocolate fix, and they spent the rest of the afternoon going from one shop to another. Luis texted Darius and sent him pictures of the elaborate confections they found while he weighed the pros and cons of telling Darius how deeply he was in love with him. He wouldn’t do it until they were back in LA together, but the more they chatted, the more Luis knew it was time to stop hiding his feelings from his best friend.
“You look like a man in love,” Paul said to him as they walked back to their hotel. “You’re glowing, and I am incredibly jealous.”
“It’s all the endorphins from the chocolate,” Luis said. “I think I’ve gained ten pounds today.” He linked his arm with Paul’s.“Thank you. I know this doesn’t solve all my problems, but you’re right. I’ve been letting Andrés keep me from living my life for too long.”
“It’s not a problem, Luis. It’s a part of your history that has made you who you are. A part, not the whole thing.”
Luis laughed. “You should have become a therapist.”
He’d meant it to be a lighthearted comment, and Paul smiled in response, but Luis felt him shrink into himself a bit and knew there was something that had kept the older man from continuing on that path. It wasn’t his place to pry. Paul had given him space to open up, so Luis did the same for him. He squeezed Paul’s arm, hoping that his willingness to return the favor was understood.
“Did you bring your dancing clothes?” Luis asked.
“Of course. You asking me out on a date?” Paul bumped his hip against Luis and gave him such an overtly flirtatious wink that both of them laughed.
“You wish, but I’m spoken for.” And as if Darius had heard him, Luis’ phone buzzed with an incoming text.
Chapter six
Darius
Darius was having ashitty flight. A storm had delayed their departure by several hours as they waited for it to move or dissipate enough to give them a clear window for takeoff, which meant the passengers were already stressed and disgruntled by the time they were allowed to board the plane. The flight crew was also less than thrilled since they weren’t on the clock until the doors were closed for departure. Three extra hours of work time without being paid for it and then having to deal with upset passengers? Things did not improve once they were in the air.
The passengers were demanding and argumentative about the pilot’s restrictions on movement due to the unsettled weather in which they were flying. Even though the plane was pitching and shuddering with the turbulence, and the pilot had instructed the attendants to remain seated, the call button dinged at regular intervals.
“Fuck,” Michael muttered from the jump seat next to Darius when the call signal came again just at the moment the planedipped into an air trench. “We’re going to need to get the sick bags out if we can’t find smoother air soon.”
Darius agreed. He was about to unbuckle his seat belt and make it up the aisle to take care of whatever emergency was so important that the passenger had to jeopardize the safety of the flight crew when Rachel, their lead attendant, shook her head and reached for the PA for the third time since they’d taken off.
“We apologize to our passengers for the inconvenience, but the captain has requested thatallon board remain seated until the turbulence subsides for the continued safety of themselves and those seated near them. This includes our flight attendants, who will be happy to assist you once the captain has given the all clear. In the meantime, we thank you for your patience and understanding.” Her tone was a bit crisper than it had been during the previous two announcements.
Almost as soon as she placed the handset in its cradle, the call button chimed again.
