Page 15 of Friendly Skies
Luis barely acknowledged his friend as Darius exited the bedroom. Adrenaline had flooded his body, sending his heart into overdrive and cutting off his ability to breathe normally. His mind went blank, and all Luis could think of was finding somewhere safe.
Stumbling out of the bed, it barely registered that he was only wearing his briefs because his need to move and hide was the only thing that mattered, and the only place he could think to go was the bathroom. He rushed into the hallway, almost colliding with Ricky, and ran for the door that felt like salvation. If hecould be behind that door and lock it, he’d be able to breathe again.
“What the hell is your problem?” Ricky yelled as Luis shut the door.
He was vaguely aware of Darius saying something and Ricky’s angry response. None of which was helping him calm down.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Luis sat on the toilet with his head in his hands and tried to slow his breathing.Inhale…one…two…three. Exhale…one…two…three. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.As he got himself under control, he heard Darius trying to talk to him through the closed door.
“Chico? You okay?”
The doorknob rattled a bit, the sound causing Luis’ heart rate to speed up again.
“I’m okay,” he called, though even he could hear that his voice betrayed him. “I’ll be okay,” he amended. “I promise.”
“You sure?”
“Just leave me be for a bit, okay, Dar? I promise I’m fine. Just a bit of anxiety, that’s all.”
Darius agreed, and Luis assumed he’d moved away from the door. At least, he hoped so because the thought that Darius was waiting on him only made his heart rate speed up again.
Luis hated feeling weak. He hated feeling vulnerable and scared, and hiding like a small animal made his stomach clench with shame, but panic attacks like this weren’t uncommon for him. They seemed to come out of the blue, triggered by something Luis couldn’t name nor remember once his anxiety subsided. All he knew in the moment was that he needed to get somewhere safe, somewhere small and enclosed, and somewhere with a lock on the door.
Through the door, he heard Darius and Ricky talking, and his face burned hot with the thought that they were discussing him. Though it embarrassed him to think of Ricky witnessingthis panic attack, he really couldn’t care less what their fourth roommate thought about him. It was worrying about Darius’ reaction that made his face burn in embarrassment.
For their entire friendship, Darius had been the steady one, the protective one, the person who made Luis feel safe and taken care of. Luis, on the other hand, had been small, easily intimidated, and flighty even before the night of Marissa’s quinceañera. His first nightmare happened the following night and filled in the hazy and indistinct details about what Andrés had done. His first panic attack happened two weeks later after Andrés had cornered him in the hallway outside his bedroom and warned him not to say anything to anyone, especially Darius.
He didn’t have to worry; Luis wasn’t telling anyone. He’d already told Darius he didn’t remember anything about the night of the party, and if it wasn’t exactly the truth, it was enough of it. Luis’ memories had been hazy and indistinct the next day, and it wasn’t until the nightmares that he got a clearer picture and realized he’d kissed Darius, that he’d wanted to go further with his best friend, and that freaked him out as well.
While sixteen-year-old Luis had been completely fine with his best friend being gay, the thought that he himself might be attracted to men wasn’t so easy to accept. His family called Roberto’s younger brother—Luis’ uncle—a “confirmed bachelor.” The man worked as a make-up artist and lived in West Hollywood and was rarely invited to family events. When they talked about him, it was often with a note of disapproval. Darius was the one to realize he was gay.
Even if that wasn’t the only reason for Armando’s ostracism, Luis wasn’t eager to accept being attracted to men and risk his relationship with his family. He’d been firmly in denial until his freshman year of college when he’d fallen hard for a guy on the gymnastics team and finally came out. His family hadbeen cautious but accepting, but it mattered more that by that time, Darius was in a serious relationship and unavailable. Luis distracted himself with hookups and casual dating, and had gradually learned to live with the fact that Darius didn’t see him as boyfriend material.
Sitting on a toilet, cowering behind a locked door, Luis could understand why Darius wasn’t interested in being anything more than friends with someone who became such a basket case over the least little thing. What had set him off this time? A slamming door? Please. No wonder guys ghosted him or bailed after the sex was over. Luis might be a fun fuck, but he screamed high-maintenance. Reed wasn’t the first guy to take off without saying goodbye, and he wasn’t likely to be the last. Which was another reason Luis wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize his friendship with Darius. Who else would keep him from spiraling after each fuck and run?
Luis let out a huge breath and scrubbed his face with his hands.Time to get it together. He stood and went over to the sink, closing his eyes as he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror.Deep breaths. One. Two. Three.Opening his eyes again, Luis took note of his bright red lips. He’d chewed them to blood in a couple of places and bruised the skin at the corner of his mouth by grinding it between his teeth.
“Hey, Luis?” Ricky’s voice was accompanied by a quiet knock. “Are you going to be done soon?”
“Yeah. No worries.” Luis splashed water on his face, then grabbed his towel to dry off. He opened the door for Ricky. “Sorry about that.”
Ricky shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. I could just use a shower.”
“Long flight?” Luis asked, and when Ricky frowned, he remembered that Ricky wasn’t supposed to be home for another couple of days. “What happened?”
“Emergency landing in Hawaii because of an unruly passenger.” Ricky pulled back the red hair that covered his forehead, and Luis could see a bruise on his temple. “Got clocked with a full can of soda the asshole took off the beverage cart. They took me off the plane, checked me for a concussion, and sent me home on the next flight to LA. I swear, the passengers are getting worse and worse since Covid.”
“Amen to that,” Luis said.
“And everyone grabs their phones as soon as something happens. The video of me getting hit has already gone viral. It’s ridiculous.”
“Shit. How are you doing?”
Ricky shrugged. “Fine. Pissed. Mortified. But at least it got me some extra time off, and the videos are evidence if the airline wants to go after this guy for assaulting an attendant.” He rolled his eyes. “We’ll see how far that goes.”
They paused in the doorway, the conversation waning until Ricky gestured at the bathroom. “Anyway—”
“Yeah. Right. Have at it.”
