Page 12 of Friendly Skies
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
“Not sure I believe you there, dude. Not the way you look at him. Or him at you.” Ash winked. “It wasn’t me he was dancing with, and it’s not me you’re hard for.”
“We’re just friends,” Darius said, though Ash’s words made his heart beat harder than the pulse of the music that surrounded him.
“Hm.” Ash nudged his thigh between Darius’ legs and pulled him closer so he was flush against him. Ash leaned in and whispered in his ear, “See. I’m not the one you want.”
Darius pulled back so he could see Ash’s face and was met with a sympathetic expression. “I love him,” Darius said.
Ash smiled. “I kind of got that.” He nudged Darius. “Shame, though. You’re both fucking hot, and I’m sure we could have had a good time, but…” He shrugged. “The heart wants what the heart wants. You ever change your mind, you know where to find me.”
As Ash walked off, Darius couldn’t help but think how much easier his life would be if he didn’t want Luis so much. But then he caught sight of Luis returning to the dance floor, and his heart beat a little faster as if trying to prove to Darius that a life without this feeling wasn’t worth much.
“Where’d Ash go?” Luis asked.
Darius shrugged. “Found someone more appealing, I guess.”
“Than you? Come on. The guy was all over you until…”
“Until what, chico?”
It was Luis’ turn to shrug. “Me. The way I was clinging to you. I can go find him if you like, tell him we’re not together.”
“It wasn’t about you. He just wasn’t as into me as I thought he was. Not a biggie.”
“But this keeps happening,” Luis said. “I don’t get it.”
“Like I said, not a big deal. You ready to go home?”
When Luis nodded, they headed outside to call for an Uber to take them back to the condo, passing by lots of guys who cast appreciative glances their way, but none of them came over to flirt. Maybe it was because they were clearly on their way out, but that hadn’t stopped guys before. Darius had struck out plenty of times in the club only to end up in a conversation with someone taking a break outside to cool off and wound up back at their place.
Luis was right, though, they’d both had abysmal luck for most of the past year. Besides Chris, Darius hadn’t been with anyone, and he was pretty sure Luis’ dance card had been empty for longer. The more he thought about it, the more he realized it probably started around the time Micah had moved out of the apartment to be with Jake. And it had been years since their last three-way. Even finding someone interested in talking about having a three-way with them had been a challenge. Ash wasn’t the first guy to walk away, though he was the first to say it was because of the way they felt about each other and not wanting to get in the middle of it.
In truth, Darius missed the three-ways because they gave him a chance to pretend he was really with Luis. Yes, they’d fooled around back when they were in college and they’d both been single. Even if Darius had wanted there to be more to it than pure physical release, the only time they ventured beyond jerking off together was when they had another guy to act as a buffer. There was usually kissing, a bit of dick play, sometimes blow jobs between Luis and him, but mostly, they concentratedon the guy they were with because Darius never trusted himself to keep his feelings hidden if he touched Luis more intimately.
The last time…fuck…the last time was close to three years ago, and it had been an amazing night, with Darius topping the guy while he topped Luis. It was as close as Darius had ever been to being inside Luis, and the image of Luis’ face staring up at him as he came on an open-mouthed, silent scream was one that replayed in some of Darius’ dirtiest dreams about the man.
Glancing at Luis, he wondered if Luis had guessed at the depth of Darius’ feelings in that moment. Was that why the three-ways had come to an end? Had Darius revealed too much and scared Luis? If Ash had been able to see it, how could the person who knew him better than anyone miss it? Darius needed to hide his feelings better, that was all there was to it.
They arrived back at the condo without having spoken a word to each other in the back of the Uber. As soon as the car left them at the curb, Darius asked Luis if everything was all right.
“Yeah. I guess.”
His best friend started to turn away, but Darius took hold of his hand. He was about to raise it to his lips but realized that wasn’t really living by his earlier resolution, so he just held on to Luis’ hand as they walked toward the stairs to their floor. It reminded Darius of when they were kids, holding hands as they walked down the street to the corner bodega whenever they were given a dollar. There was so much history between them Darius wondered if it might be standing in the way of either of them finding someone to love.
As they climbed the stairs, he continued to muse over the puzzle of being in love with Luis.
For him, there was this constant back-and-forth, a tug-of-war between honoring their friendship—which meant keeping all indications of romantic feelings at bay—and wanting more with Luis. Although Darius was often at odds with himself trying todecide what that “more” really meant. How much more could there be when they slept in the same bed, shared physical intimacies, and even showered together? Was penetration really the only thing that kept them from being romantic partners, or was there something else, something intangible, that would transform them from best friends to lovers?
Having never been in love with anyone but Luis, Darius didn’t have a clue, but it did make him wonder if he should accept that his heart was never going to get what it wanted.
Luis was still silent as they moved through the apartment to the kitchen to get water. Neither of them had had a lot to drink, but hydration was still important and part of their post-club ritual. Water, a shower, and a wrap-up of the evening as they lay in bed. For Darius, it was a bit of heaven, and he was happy Ash had bowed out. The guy had pushed all sorts of buttons for him, but at the end of the day, Ash wasn’t Luis, and Luis was the only person who truly mattered to him.
And…he was right back to the original problem.
“What are you thinking about so hard?” Luis asked as he handed Darius a glass of water.
Darius shrugged. “Nothing much. You?”
