Page 65 of For You I'd Mend
“Guilt is a powerful thing,” Lauren said.
I immediately thought of Theo and wondered whether he’d ever be able to let his go or let me in enough to share the weight.
Chapter twenty
Theo
I arrived at thebarn before Aiden or Cal. Usually, I’d have picked up Cal on the way, but he was out buying the supplies he needed to make Rowan’s gift this afternoon. It gave me time alone to walk around the place where Logan spent his last hours. The barn always pulled my guilt and grief to the surface. It never left me, but usually I had it under control enough to fucking breathe. As I stomped through the dead grass, my jeans rubbed against the tender wound on my inner thigh, the sharp pain fighting for attention against all the feelings that threatened to consume me. I relaxed into the ache.
If I had a therapist, they’d probably tell me I was making progress. I’d spent over ten minutes beside the dilapidated barn without hyperventilating. No doubt, they wouldn’t approve of my coping mechanism, but at least I was still on my feet when Cal and Aiden arrived.
“Explain to me again why we have to do this now?” I asked, blowing on my hands. I should have worn gloves. My fingers were red and painful by the time they showed up.
“Because now is when I have time for projects like this,” Aiden said. “Plus, we’ll all be busy with Cal’s wedding soon. Speaking of which, what are the plans for the bachelor party, Theo?”
I glanced at Cal, but he just stared at the frozen ground.
“We can have that conversation later when we’re not freezing our nuts off,” Cal said to his shoes.
“Might as well have it now. We’re still waiting for someone,” Aiden said, looking across the field toward the road.
“Is someone from your crew helping out?” I asked.
“My whole crew volunteered to help,” Aiden said, a rare look of embarrassment on his face.
“Wow, that’s incredible,” Cal said. “Most of them didn’t even know Logan.”
He might be my best friend/brother, but Cal had the emotional IQ of a slug sometimes. “But they all know Aiden,” I said. “You must be one hell of a boss.”
Aiden shrugged. “I overpay them. So, bachelor party. Is Rowan down for you going to a strip club or are you thinking more along the lines of paint ball and beer?”
“No strip club,” Cal said. “If we go to one, the girls will too.”
All three of us shuddered.
“Rowan and I were talking about doing a combo bachelor-bachelorette camping trip,” Cal said.
“You’re crazy,” Aiden said shaking his head. “You think this is cold, try camping out in March. But a combo trip somewhere warm sounds great. What do you think, Theo?”
I looked at Cal long enough for Aiden to narrow his eyes. “What am I missing?” he asked.
“I’m not the best man,” I said finally.
Aiden’s mouth dropped open. “What?”
“He said no,” Cal said.
“It should be Chris,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “He’s Rowan’s brother.”
“Bullshit,” Aiden said. “Of course, it should be you. You’re the one Cal calls brother.”
“Chris is nervous enough,” Cal said. “I was hoping you’d be my best man, Aiden.”
“Hell no,” Aiden said. “Chris and I would only be fill-ins. It has to be you, Theo.”
I shook my head.
“I’m just going to put all your names in a hat and pull one out,” Cal said.
