Page 67 of The Best Man Problem
“Then I accidentally grabbed her phone instead of mine one day and got a text from one of her fuck buddies.”
“One?” Lilly asked, horror filling her face.
He scoffed. “Yeah. Evidently while she liked having a geeky computer husband to pay off the charges on her credit card, she preferred more…manly men to satisfy her sexual needs.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
Lilly looked offended—for him. The sight calmed the ragged beast that always rose up when he talked about how his ex had duped him.
“It means she liked tough guys, bikers and jocks, but she also liked that I brought in enough money that she didn’t have to work.”
“That’s awful.”
He shrugged. “It was what it was. But it’s over now.”
Lilly stared at him, contemplating. “Is it?”
Grabbing his beer from the side table, he took a swig before answering. “Yes.”
“Hmm.” She nodded her head up and down, eyes narrowed, glasses slipping down her nose. She pushed them up again. “I don’t think you’ve completely moved past it, Lincoln.”
“I’m not still in love with my ex.”
Her brows rose. “I never said you were. But I think you still hold on to the pain and betrayal, and it colors all your relationships now.”
Did not.
“Answer me this,” she continued at his silence. “When I first told you my story, how I found out I was the other woman. Did you, any small part of you, think of me as an adulterer?”
“No.” The word rushed out of his mouth immediately, but the inflection must have been off, because Lilly tilted her head, studying him carefully.
“I might not have known I was sleeping with a married man at the time, but I was. His lies didn’t change that fact, and for that I will always feel awful. Mostly for his poor wife, who was the most hurt in the situation.”
He swallowed hard at her understanding.
“But I don’t blame myself for what happened. Not anymore. And neither should you.”
“I don’t blame you, Lilly,” he rushed to say. “I know you’d never do anything like that on purpose.”
“Do you?” She shook her head. “I think you’re still stuck in the past. Your ex did a number on you, and I can be sympathetic to that, but I’m not her. Not everyone is a liar. Not everyone leads strictly with their emotions, forgetting to let their brain into the mix.”
She sighed, a sad smile taking over her soft features. “It took me a long time to figure that out. That the heart and the brain can work together. That you can have passion, love, and compatibility in a relationship. You just have to trust each other, be honest, and work out your problems before they become so big they crush you.”
“But how—” He stopped as the words stuck in his throat, clearing it and trying again. “How do you know who to trust with…your heart?”
She stepped closer, grabbing his beer and setting their drinks down on the side table. Her hands slid up around his neck, delicate fingers playing with the long growth at the base. He needed to find a barber in Denver. An odd thought to pop in his mind at the current moment. But it vanished in an instant the moment she tilted her head up and placed a soft kiss to his lips.
“I think that’s why it’s called a leap of faith.” She smiled. “Sometimes you just have to go for what feels right and hope you don’t get hurt in the end, but even if you do, maybe you’ve learned something you never knew before.”
He wanted to grab her, press her firmly against his body, and devour her lips, taste the sweetness of her mouth, swear he wasn’t afraid and wanted to take the risk on her, on them. But he didn’t. He was human enough to admit he was still scared shitless by the feelings she raised in him. Feelings he thought died after his divorce. No. Feelings much stronger than he’d ever felt for his ex. That’s why they scared him so damn much.
What if he let himself fall for Lilly? Really fall. And the same thing happened? Maybe not the whole cheating thing, but what if they didn’t work out? What if he gave his heart away a second time and it got trampled yet again? He didn’t think he could stand that kind of heartache twice in a lifetime. His parents had decades of loving marriage, and he’d always thought that’s what he would have, too, but he had failed. What made Lilly think he was worthy of her?
“Lincoln?”
Her soft voice made him realize he’d been staring into space for a solid minute, eyes focusing on the nothingness of the floor beneath them. A warm hand came up to cup his jaw, her fingers rubbing against the scruff of his beard. The softness of her skin should have contrasted with the hard prickliness of his own, but it didn’t. Instead, he only felt comfort, caring, love. But his throat was closed off. No words could get past the fear clogging it.
“Okay.” She kissed his cheek, stepping back, hand dropping from his face.
