Page 66 of It’s All in How You Fall
My immediate reaction is to tell Nat I’ll walk. That I need the fresh air. But I also need to get out of here as cleanly as possible.
Away from what nearly happened.
How I feel about it.
How Alex must feel about it.
Away.
And like it or not, Nat appears to be one hundred percent less suspicious nowandthe easiest way to get from point A to point B.
I turn to Alex and force out a smile. I should say something like, “See you tomorrow.” But that feels like it’ll invite questions from Lily Jane when I’m gone. I wonder if she actually knows I have her racket or not.
Alex’s lips draw into a tight smile, his body language closed off as he palms the laptop. “Thanks, Caroline. For everything.”
I sweep past Lily Jane, catching my brother’s forearm so that he spins around to face the door with me, and then we’re gone.
29
We step into the night and it smells like rain, the humidityheavy despite wind gusting enough to pick up the uneven hem of my wet/dry dress. Nat’s Jeep isn’t out front as I glance around, but when Nat makes a hard right onto the sidewalk, I don’t need to ask—we’re walking. Lightning spiders across the sky, the earlier promise of a thunderstorm finally coming to fruition.
I would normally start jogging—flip-flops and dress and all—to make sure I made it home mostly dry, but in that very moment the promise of the night being washed away sounds pretty good.
We hit the end of the street and make a left turn to head past the park and toward our cul-de-sac. Nat’s got his hands in his pockets and has been uncharacteristically silent, eyes pointed down. He doesn’t sneak a peek at me, eyes combing the cracks in the sidewalk as we shuttle past the rosebushes that line the park. My brother is not like this—like Alex. Calm and thoughtful and introspective.
A peal of thunder shakes across the sky. I realize then that I didn’t ask how he knew I was with Alex. My initial thought was that he saw me walking over but what if it’s more? Maybe Alex said more to him than I know when Nat confronted him at work. Maybe there’s a text thread between them not unlike the one I have going with Sunny and Peregrine, not talking about girls, but full of words unsaid in front of others at work.
Words that made Alex text Sunny more than twenty-four hours after I gave him her number.
I can’t let myself wrap hope into that waiting period. Just like I can’t hold on to what almost happened on the couch.
Alex has a date with Sunny.
That’s happening. And now everyone knows it.
Nat’s Adam’s apple bobs after a moment. We make the turn to our street, our house ahead dark and empty. I’m relieved Dad isn’t home yet. I’m relieved Nat isn’t interrogating me further. I’m relieved it’s all out in the open now. Everything but what lives within my chest, my head, the memory on my skin.
“Caro, did you really set Alex up with Sunny?”
My emotions swoop out of my gut and toward the pinch point of my throat. I nod.
“Any reason why?”
“They’re perfect for each other.”
Nat shoves his hands into his pockets. “I realize I’m talking to someone who sought literal perfection for years on end…” He glances at me before pulling in a deep breath. “But have you ever considered perfect isn’t always best?”
I stop on a dime. After all this, is he suggesting thatI’mthe better match?
“Oh no you don’t.” My anger flares along with my stubbornness. “You don’t get to go all hard-ass about how you’re going to bash in Alex’s knees if he tried anything with me and then question my decision to play matchmaker like you give a shit about my feelings.”
I expect Nat’s arms to be thrown wide, his head back, as he ratchets up a response that’ll make porch lights flick on. My big brother with his big responses. But he’s just as stationary as me, his voice level, none of his usual push-button attitude evident in the calm lines of his summer-tan face. “I reacted the way I did both earlier this week and tonight because I was in the dark. I thought the worst becauseboth of youwere keeping quiet about your training plans. Not to mention, you were both quietandlied to my face about it.”
Nat pauses and I nod to confirm that, yeah, I did. I lied to him, and lied to myself and stuffed down everything that came into the open in that few seconds on the couch.
“I’ll admit that I was partially pissed because I was jealous,” Nat says. This time his eyes are on the silver shadows that creep along the edge of the sidewalk. “I’m the big brother. You should be coming to me for help, and instead you went to him.”
Oh shit. Nat did offer to help—well, it was more that he was trying to shove cheerleading with a side of fries down my throat, but from his point of view, that was definitely something he saw as a kindness.
