Page 90 of Saving Graces
They ate together on the couch, their conversation suddenly, strangely surface-level as Rosalie battled not to let her thoughts spiral.
“Your house is much fancier than I would have imagined for someone who’s spent their life working for a non-profit,” Kinsey said, a tease in her voice.
“You’ve met Savannah,” Rosalie said. “Does she seem like someone who’d have a grasp on normal salaries?” Kinsey laughed. “I told her from the beginning she was being way over the top, but she’s pigheaded as well as generous.”
“When did you buy this place?” Kinsey asked.
Rosalie thought back. “Ten years ago.”
“Hm,” Kinsey said, thoughtfully.
“What?”
“I just realized I can buy a house now too,” she smiled at Rosalie. She looked a little daydreamy. Something clenched in Rosalie’s abdomen. She hoped Kinsey wasn’t imagining the two of them picking out decor together. Rosalie was so, undeniably, into this woman, but she wasn’t good at domestic life. Kinsey appeared pretty independent but then again, lesbians never could seem to help themselves. Was that why she was asking about Rosalie’s income and real estate choices? Was she already fast forwarding to the two of them cohabiting? No. Calm down, Rosalie. God.
“That’s exciting,” she said, trying to smile even as her heart raced like prey. “I love this place, I don’t think I’ll ever sell it.”
Kinsey cocked her head. “No,” she said. “It’s lovely. You should definitely keep hold of it.”
“I will,” Rosalie said quickly.
Silence stretched between them.
Kinsey put her plate down on the coffee table and turned to face her. “Are you having some kind of freak out?”
“What? No.” Rosalie pushed her plate away too. She picked up her coffee, sipping like she was dying of thirst.
“Oh my god, you are.” Kinsey’s eyebrows went sky high. “I’m not… asking you to move in with me. Is that what you’re thinking?”
“No!” Rosalie’s voice went high. “I’m just… I’m not the moving in type, is all. I should be up front about that.”
Kinsey shifted forward on the couch, a frown growing. “We’re not even officially dating and you’re worried about me trying to move in with you?”
A confused pang hit Rosalie. So they weren’t dating.
“I’m clearly not if we’re not even dating,” she said, defensively.
“Well, no wonder, if you think dating means I’m going to u-haul you the second you say the word. Come on Rosalie, I’m a little more chill than that. Give me some credit here.”
“Do you want children?” The words fell out her mouth before she could stop them. Kinsey’s eyes went wide.
“Oh, wow,” she said, shifting on the couch, swiveling her whole body around to stare at her. “We’re really doing this? Okay. I mean, this might be literally the gayest conversation anyone has ever had - let’s decide if we’re having kids before we even actually date - but no, I don’t want kids. Is that essential knowledge before we do something drastic, like, say we’ll keep sleeping together in secret?”
Rosalie swallowed. Kinsey’s eyes had a fire to them she hadn’t seen before, her normally languid body rigid with tension. Rosalie wanted, with everything she had, to unwind this moment, to take them back to laughter and kisses in tangled sheets. The problem was, Rosalie was dead serious.
“It’s just tricky,” she said, “because you’re so young. It might sound stupid to you, but I worry about dating someone who still might change their mind about that kind of stuff.”
“And you might change your mind and decide you want to be a damn astronaut and make us move to Houston in three years’ time,” Kinsey bit back. “I’m not going to not date you over theoretical future situations that might not happen.”
Rosalie huffed a frustrated breath. Kinsey scrunched her fingers through her hair, squinting at her in pure disbelief.
“Rosalie. I told my best friend when we were like, nineteen, that if I ever decided to start sleeping with men, I’d get my tubes tied just to be sure. I love kids, but I absolutely don’t want them. They’re not compatible with the life I want. I’ve always just wanted to tour.”
“And how do you see that working with a relationship?” Rosalie jumped in. All she could see now was Cassidy lying in bed next to Kinsey, those Savannah Grace eyes of hers, low-lashed, deciding to reach out and take what she wanted.
“I can’t win, can I?” Kinsey cried. “I’m either crowding you by trying to theoretically move in with you, or I’m too unavailable because I’m on the road, or I’m too young because I might change my mind about things.” She took a shaky breath, her shoulders dropping. “Let’s just call this conversation what it is: you trying to find a reason not to be with me.”
“Kinsey.” Something in Rosalie cracked. “No. Please-”
