Page 61 of Falls From Grace
“And she was smitten with you - my gangly annoying little sister - until you fucked it up?”
“Incredibly, yes.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. I know.”
They were silent for a moment.
“You have to get her back,” Anna sat up straight. “What are we going to do?”
Brynn’s heart warmed at the we, but she sighed.
“She said she wanted me out of her life. I have to respect that.”
“Ugh,” said Anna. They sat in silence for a while. “You know how they say that living well is the best revenge?” she asked a few minutes later. Brynn frowned. She had no desire for revenge. She was the one in the wrong, after all. “Maybe living well is also the best way to win her back. She saw the one shitty thing you did and made a judgment call. Maybe you just need to prove her wrong.”
“I mean, it’s a nice theory, but it doesn’t mean much if she’s busy pretending I don’t exist. I can be as great as I want, but it’s not like she’s going to notice from all the way up there in the world she lives.”
“Brynn, even in this family - honestly whose heads are up their asses most of the time - you shine the brightest. I think if you try hard enough - and if she really does love you - you could shine hard enough she’d see it from space.”
Chapter Twenty-One
To Brynn’s surprise, her mom insisted on driving her back to the airport herself, once Christmas was over.
“How are you doing, Mom?” she asked, still wondering if someone was dying. Both her parents had been uncharacteristically soft with her the entire visit. It was actually pretty nice, if somewhat uncomfortable.
“Oh, fine, darling,” she said distractedly, as she navigated her way through the streets.
“Is something wrong?” Brynn pressed, worriedly.
“Why do you ask?” Her mother merged into traffic, her steely confidence as clear in her driving as it was in every realm of her life.
“You and Dad are being weird,” she pointed out.
“I’m sorry. How exactly are we being ‘weird’?” Her mother sounded offended.
“Just… no one has told me off for wearing the wrong thing or asked when I’m going back to med school or told me I’m off track or… anything. You’re being conspicuously extra nice to me and I’m not sure why.”
“Brynn Marshall!” Her mother took her eyes off the road to glare at her. “Your father and I are nice people. And we love you. I don’t know what’s weird about that.”
“So no one is dying?”
“What? Goodness no. What rubbish you speak sometimes, darling.”
Brynn fell silent. She watched the road go by. They passed the rest of the short trip with barely a word. When they pulled up at the airport, she undid her seatbelt and went to open the door, when suddenly her mother’s hand reached out to stop her. She looked over and her mom’s face was red with emotion.
“We nearly lost you,” she said. “I can’t stop replaying our conversation where you told me you tried to… that you wanted to die. And I can’t - your father and I - we can’t forgive ourselves for the fact you couldn’t come to us.”
“Oh, Mom-”
“And that you had to cope with all of that… that you were struggling with alcohol…. that you fought all that without us. And you kept it a secret all these years.”
“I’m sorry, Mom-”
“No.” Her mom was crying. “I’m sorry. We are sorry. You dropped out of contact, would barely speak to us and we just… let you. I was angry and confused and I thought if you understood what you were losing that maybe you’d try harder.” She took in a breath. “It was the wrong thing to do. We should have checked on you. We should have told you that we love you, no matter what.”
“I love you too, Mom. And Dad.” Brynn was crying now, too. “I’m sorry I shut you out.”
