Page 53 of Falls From Grace
Brynn cry-laughed and nodded and Lane wrapped their arms around her and gave her a fierce hug. And then, she left.
Chapter Eighteen
Is this rock bottom… again? Brynn wondered, as she woke up, her whole body stiff from Noah’s couch, late the next morning. And if so, what part? The part where she had ended up right where she’d started - in LA, without a home or job - or the part where she’d met what could have been the love of her life and ruined it before they’d even gotten started?
She felt a savage pain that winded her every time she thought of the night before, of everything she’d just lost. Lost on her own, by her own actions, choices and inactions. She winced at the savagely bright sunshine coming through the living room window and pulled the blanket over her head.
The days only got worse from there. Noah had reassured her she could stay as long as she needed, but his passive aggressive housemate Dan and his obnoxious girlfriend clearly felt otherwise. The crash to earth from living in Nashville’s biggest star’s guesthouse to existing out of a suitcase in a cramped, hostile living room was one Brynn experienced with a thump.
She’d schlepped out to the beach at the end of her first week to ask for her old job back, but her position had been filled and there was a backlog of young, eager, wannabe lifeguards across the city beaches. She needed a Plan B, and fast.
After a day of pounding the pavement with her resume, Brynn came home feeling very small. Her mom had called, “just to check in,” she said, and Brynn couldn’t bear to tell her she’d already screwed up her start in the music business that she’d only just talked up. She pretended her battery was about to die and hung up quickly, hating herself.
When she arrived back at Noah’s, he was out living whatever version of landing on his feet he always seemed to manage. There was a note from Dan asking her to please start storing her suitcase in Noah’s room and not to keep her cosmetics case in the bathroom as the ‘clutter’ was ‘killing the vibe’. She sighed and sat down on the damn couch, the one that was her bed only as long as no one wanted to stay up late watching Netflix.
On the coffee table, a newly opened bottle of whisky had appeared. Brynn stared at it. She thought about all her failures, all her other rock bottoms and concluded that this one really was, in fact, the worst. This time, she was a fully formed, fully independent adult. The world had been handed to her on a silver platter: a beautiful, talented, strong woman who wanted her, an adorable child who made her world light up, and a golden spectacular chance at a music career. And she’d dropped it all. Her hand reached out for the bottle. Honestly, at this point, who cared what she did?
In her mind’s eye she saw Savannah’s face, heard her shouting, I was married to an addict! She dropped her hand like it had been burned and sank back on the couch, overcome with shame. She, of all people, knew exactly what Savannah had gone through. She couldn’t face the idea that she, too, could burn through people, through supports, through love, through family and choose obliteration. She hated the idea that Savannah had immediately linked Brynn’s stupid lie to her ex-husband. They shared a disease, but they were not the same.
Right then, her phone rang. It was a FaceTime request from an unknown number. For a second, she thought to decline the call. Then a wild thought that maybe, somehow, Savannah- she pressed accept.
“Well, you look like shit,” Lane looked delighted, and an unexpected laugh bubbled up from Brynn’s chest.
“Why does that make you so happy?”
“Oh, it doesn’t! Sorry. So sorry you’re sad and wallowing and miserable, that your hair is flat and you’re wearing what looks like pajamas in the middle of the afternoon.”
“Wow, thanks,” Brynn looked at them incredulously. “I’m really feeling your sympathy.”
“Well, don’t,” Lane retorted sharply. “I’m fucking mad at you,” they added. Brynn could see the outside wall of Savannah’s winter home behind them, a brilliant Vermont winter sky overhead. “She’s beyond miserable.” Lane shook their head in clear disapproval, obviously referencing their boss. “You weren’t kidding when you said you fucked up. What the hell did you do?”
“Does it matter?” Brynn felt incredibly tired. “She doesn’t want to see me ever again. And tell me, why is this your business, exactly?”
“Because I feel like my mommies have broken up!” Lane huffed. “Savannah looks like this beautiful broken-winged bird and you look like a hot mess and-” they paused, “someone wants to say hello to you!”
“Hullow to you!” Tucker’s bright face appeared on the screen, his big woolen beanie with the gigantic pom-pom on his head, and Brynn gasped and grinned in shocked delight.
“Tucker! Hi! Hey, buddy, hi!”
“Rainbow ice cream,” he informed her, looking shy but pleased.
“I’m picking the menu now that Savannah has been crushed into a barely functional heap of misery that you inflicted,” Lane explained, swinging the screen back to their face momentarily.
“Yeah… that’s great, thank you.” Brynn winced. “Hey Tucker,” she called, and he jumped into Lane’s lap with a bounce that made them wince. “Eat some carrots, okay?” she instructed. “Or some apple. Maybe some broccoli - yum yum!”
“Yummy!” he squeaked, then jumped up again out of view.
“How exactly did you get this number?”
“Chester,” Lane said with a shrug. “Oh, that reminds me, he said to check your bank account and let him know if there were any problems.”
“Uh. Yeah. Right. Pretty sure that message wasn’t for me?”
“Okay?” Lane didn’t care. “Probably. Anyway, talk tomorrow,” they said brightly. “Go have, like, a shower or something. Say goodbye Tucker!”
“Byeeee!” Tucker’s face filled the screen before suddenly it flicked to a view of the snow underfoot and Lane hung up.
Brynn scratched the back of her neck. She lay down on the couch and looked up at the ceiling for a while. Then she sat up, picked up the bottle of whisky and marched over to Dan’s bedroom, tossed it onto his bed and closed the door. She decided Lane’s advice was actually on point, and went and took a shower and washed her hair.
