Page 34 of Falls From Grace
Vermont was Savannah’s favorite place on earth, because aside from the beautiful scenery it held one strong perk. For some reason - intentional ruggedness, reverse snobbery, the long winter, who even knew - Vermont residents did not seem to give one single fuck about celebrities. Oh sure, there were sideways glances and double takes as she walked down the sidewalk, but there were no phones pointed in her direction, no random paparazzi, not even an autograph seeker. It was an incredibly peaceful contrast to the rest of the country. Besides, Savannah knew full well that her celebrity status was finally slipping; she hadn’t released an album, toured, or made a television appearance in well over two years. Even the tabloids had lost track of what to say about her.
The day was freezing cold, overcast and the light breeze like a knife. Savannah whisked both her charges into the nearest outdoor store she could find. Brynn gravitated immediately to the sales rack, pulling out a jacket with barely more warmth than her current Californian wardrobe. Savannah had to take her by the arm and physically drag her to the real winter section. She pulled a long winter jacket off the rack, with the highest down rating, and made her try it on. It was similar in the style to the one she herself wore, but in black instead of blue.
The Brynn that met her eye in the wall mirror looked outdoorsy and unbearably cozy. She also looked warm for the first time in weeks.
“We’ll take it,” Savannah told the hovering sales clerk, who despite her beliefs about Vermont hadn’t taken his faintly shocked eyes off her face since they’d entered the store. Brynn pulled at the price tag on the sleeve to look at the figure, a protest already on her lips. Savannah snatched her hand away, carefully tugging the tag loose. “For god’s sake, Brynn,” she said in a low voice. “I could buy you a house and my accountant would barely notice. Now come and try on some boots.”
“Wow,” observed Brynn trailing behind her. “Rich and bossy.” Savannah shot her a look and saw her eyes were twinkling. She had to wrestle her son away from pulling all the boots to the ground and Brynn thankfully behaved like a sensible adult and picked out her own pair of waterproof snow boots. She kept them on her feet and let Savannah grab her some gloves for good measure before handing over her credit card. “My toes had just about dropped off,” she admitted.
They exited the store together, all three finally clad properly for the winter. Brynn lifted her head as they stepped into the icy wind. She stopped still in the middle of the street, wrapping her arms around her body, clearly enjoying being weatherproof for a change.
“Thank you,” she said, her eyes meeting Savannah’s. “I appreciate you, Richard Gere.” Savannah spluttered out a laugh. “Can you please buy me an overpriced hot chocolate now?” She gestured to a picturesque cafe across the street.
They sat in the window with their hot chocolates, rich and thick with real chocolate for the adults and sweet and milky for Tucker, who, as per usual, managed to spread the milk far and wide. It was Brynn who gently mopped him up and Savannah watched her long elegant fingers with affection instead of desire for a change.
“Can I ask you a question?” she found herself asking.
“Shoot,” replied Brynn easily.
“After what you told me about med school… why on earth are you thinking of going back?”
Brynn looked down at the remains of her hot chocolate and picked up her spoon and stirred.
“Well,” she said lightly, concentrating on the foam in the bottom of her cup, “I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to fish people out of the sea forever. I need a change. A… well, I mean, a career sounds so cheesy, but I just need something that gives me more meaning. Something that pushes my boundaries, makes me grow. What better than the thing that nearly killed me?” she said wryly.
Savannah felt cold inside.
“I don’t know,” she said. “Pretty much anything? The world is big. There are so many other options. I mean, look at you right now: did you ever think you’d work with children?”
Brynn snorted.
“Childcare or teaching? Heaven forbid. My mother would never speak to me again. I know-” she warded off Savannah’s indignation, “she’s a horrible snob.”
“Does it matter? What she thinks?”
“It’s not so much whether it matters, it’s more that she’s been the voice in my head for so long, it’s hard to separate what she wants for me and what I want for myself, you know?”
Savannah didn’t know what that would feel like, but she nodded anyway.
“It’s just that when I feel lost, med school - being a doctor - it’s at least a familiar beacon I can recognize,” Brynn said, her tone a little defeated.
“You feel lost?”
Brynn contemplated this for a moment.
“Right now? Here with you and Tucker, in a beautiful place? No. I don’t.” Savannah smiled at that. “The rest of the time? Absolutely.”
“It’s hard for me to imagine you feeling lost,” she said. “You seem so sure of yourself. Like you’re just confident in your skin.”
Brynn chuckled.
“Oh honey,” she said warmly, “it’s all - what’s the phrase? Piss and vinegar. Bravado covering up my true self: all insecure and wounded on the inside.”
“I don’t know.” Savannah couldn’t stop herself. “I still happen to think you might just be kind of wonderful in there.”
“Wonnerful!!!” Tucker echoed.
“See?” Savannah raised an eyebrow.
