Page 102 of The Stolen Throne
“Don’t worry. We still can’t stand each other. All is right with the world.” I tip my head. “How are you feeling?”
“Like a Devourer took a swipe at me.”
I wrinkle my nose at him. “Whiner.”
He makes a sound through his teeth. The Wanderer equivalent of blowing a raspberry. I grin, but my smile stiffens when he reaches out to take my hand, which is lying on the bed between us.
Touch. Deliberate touch.
Cain sobers, going quietly resolved. “He’s dangerous, Meren.”
Meaning Reven. I don’t want to listen to this, but at the same time, I have to ask. “What happened out there?” He’s silent long enough that I give his hand a squeeze. “Hey. What happened?”
“I ran toward a sound like coyotes in a kill frenzy to find him trapped in a solid sphere of darkness in the middle of a clearing, but I made a noise, and the darkness that had him turned on me. I couldn’t see anything or hear anything over the screams of the shadows, but I bloody well felt the claws. Next thing I know, the dark exploded away from me. It launched me through the air, and I hit a tree.” He raises a hand, feeling the back of his head with a grimace. “That’s when I blacked out.”
This is when I’d usually make some snarky remark, probably another whiny reference. It’s a defense mechanism, and with the way my stomach is clenching, I could use it about now. I could have lost him. He went in there after Reven for me. For me. And I could have lost him. So yeah, I’ve got nothing to say.
“He wasn’t in control, Meren.” Cain isn’t being pushy. He’s being soft now, which is harder to sweep aside. “Those things were attacking him.”
“I know. He told us.”
“Then you know you can’t be with him.”
“I’ve fought his Shadows before.” Not an experience I want to repeat, but sending Reven away, exiling him or abandoning him, isn’t a choice I’m willing to make. It’s the smart choice for our safety, but it’s also the wrong one because we can’t let Eidolon get to him.
“I know what I’m dealing with,” I insist.
“I don’t think you do. I’ve seen it. Watched him for months.” He swallows, and maybe for the first time I see his fear. Fear for me and because of Reven. Because of what I’d face with Reven if I choose him instead.
Suddenly, I have a picture of what life as Cain’s heartmate would look like. Protected, cossetted, and loved…and probably stifled and maybe even my voice ignored. Reven may be shutting me out, but beyond our relationship, what he doesn’t do is ignore my voice. Hells, he’s often the first or only person in my corner.
I love my friend, but I think he has more of his father in him than he realizes.
A sigh escapes me. “Cain—”
“No. Let me say this so I can feel like I did my duty as your friend.”
Is that all I am to him? A duty?
Except he tugs my hand, the one he’s still holding, and flattens my palm against his heart, the beat thumping against my skin. “I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen.”
My eyes go wide, and my heart takes off like a Wanderer stallion set free.
I shouldn’t be shocked. He proposed, after all. But despite that, I didn’t see this coming.
“I was an idiot and didn’t say anything, didn’t do anything, for the thousand different reasons my father and Pella and Magda and Ledenon told me I couldn’t.”
They all saw it enough to warn him off? Goddess, no wonder they treated me the way they did. They were probably terrified he’d do exactly what he offered and make me his heartmate—and that was before they knew who and what I am.
“I shouldn’t have listened to them. I should have told you how I felt and claimed you as mine as soon as I knew.”
My heart flips over a little. How could it not? I used to daydream about hearing Cain say words like this to me, even knowing it could never be because of who I am. The shadows inside me curl, like they’re forming a fist to strike at him, or maybe at my feelings.
Taking a breath, I shake my head. “You couldn’t. My situation… I couldn’t…”
“I know.” He swallows. “That doesn’t make it easier now. And I’m sorry I left you in the palace the day you faced Eidolon. I left you behind—”
“Don’t.”
