Page 207 of The Stolen Throne
Not a sound.
The loss is still there, hurting in every part of me so much I’m not sure I can move or breathe right, but at least I can grieve in silence.
Only, it’s not silent.
Eidolon may be gone—hopefully too weak to return until I can get us to safety—but the battle rages on. A downdraft of wind is the only warning I get. Bene lands right on top of me, wings spread wide, protecting me like a bird of prey covers a kill.
In a small way, my mind acknowledges that, earlier, he must’ve flown to the ocean to get sand to grow with, but even that thought barely makes a dent in the hollowness that I am becoming. A fresh wave of guilt crashes over me.
I betrayed Bene.
He looks at me. If he’s speaking… “I can’t hear you anymore. I gave Aryd to Eidolon.” Like a naive little girl.
He doesn’t trample me to death immediately, and I kind of hoped he would. Instead, he leans down and noses at me gently. I think that might be way worse than if he tried to kill me while I lay here. “Don’t you hate me?”
“Meren!” Cain skids to a stop in front of me. The sight of my friend’s familiar face covered in blood, sweat, and grime, his dark eyes a well of concern for me, destroys all that’s left of me.
Despair crashes through the numb and the pain. “He’s gone,” I choke out. “Reven…Eidolon… They rejoined. And the king has my amulet. It’s over.”
Cain’s face falls, and he runs a hand over my hair once. That sympathy is there and gone in a heartbeat as he grabs me by the shoulders and hauls me up, jaw hard and stare dogged. He gives me a little shake and points at the fray. “We need you, Meren. We’re still fighting.”
This isn’t over for us, but I can’t seem to force myself to care.
“You can’t save him if you’re dead!”
Save him? Save Reven? Emotion rolls through me like thunder trampling through the sky. “Save him how? I don’t even know where to start.”
And Eidolon’s Shadows are inside me. Reven left me here with pieces of evil in me. I told him to go. More guilt pounds away at me.
Cain’s lips flatten, and I can tell he wants to shake me again, probably harder, but he doesn’t. “You’ve never backed down from anything in your life. Not from Pella. Not from my father. Not in the Shadowood with those barbarians. Not from a Devourer. Not from a goddess-damned Shadowraith. Don’t you dare do it now.”
“I—” I shake my head.
“Damn you. Help the rest of the people you care about who are still trying to get out of this alive. Get us the hells out of here so we can help you go after Reven.”
88
All Is Lost
“Fight,” Reven’s voice whispers in my head.
But it has to be the king’s Shadows, because Reven is in Eidolon.
“Shut up,” I mutter.
“Be strong, Meren.”
Goddess, it sounds so much like him.
My heart gives a terrifying thump of resolve.
I stare at Cain. Beyond him, Pella stands with her back to us, ready to tear into anything that comes close. Somewhere across the field is Vos, who has frozen himself twice now rather than hurt someone he loves. I think of Achlys fighting to get to Tabra. Of Hakan zapping Vos to keep Pella safe. Tziah throwing herself into a hoard of Flesh Reapers for Cain.
I have people I care about here. People I love.
And this isn’t over.
Cain must see the change in my face. “Good,” he says. “Now get us the fuck out of here.”
