Page 206 of The Stolen Throne
Then darkness consumes him, and he’s gone, taking Reven with him.
87
It All Goes
Dark
There is a moment after terrible loss when everything goes quiet inside and around you. As if the entire world is taking a breath for what comes next. Bracing.
And it’s into that hollow numbness that you say something like “what?” or “no” or “that’s impossible.” Not because you didn’t hear it or see it, and not because you think this new reality is not true. You know it’s true.
It’s to cling onto that last moment of peace. Because when the quiet fades, what comes after is pain.
Except I don’t get that moment. I don’t get to brace.
Reven gave me Eidolon’s Shadows. They are inside me now, clawing at my insides. Rioting within the new prison that is my body.
With Eidolon no longer here binding me with shadow, I drop to my knees beside Tabra’s still form. I don’t know why he didn’t take her, too, but the chaotic pain of what just happened to Reven and now the Shadows within me flood my mind and body too much to do more than notice.
I curl in on myself, trying to contain the Shadows as they press outward, stretching my skin and twisting my insides. I clap my hands over my ears and my mouth like that could muffle the sound of them or keep me from vomiting the fury of them back up.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to hold on to the last moment with Reven. He said I’m strong enough.
Only, I don’t think he was right, because this…this is going to rip me to shreds. I don’t hold power over shadow—just a curse that links me to Eidolon that I haven’t figured out how to use. That’s it. That’s all. They’re going to consume me before I can stop them.
I whimper and draw my knees tighter to my chest. I can’t do this without him. Doesn’t he know that he is the source of any strength I have? Maybe not. I never told him. There wasn’t time. The one thing we never had was time. I can’t do this. I can’t…
Heavens help me.
The pain is coming.
Not from the king’s Shadows but from me. He’s gone. Reven’s gone.
I rock, but it’s not enough to hold back the anguish, and a keening wail rises from within until it bursts from my lips, drowning out the yells of the Shadows and the fighting still happening all around me.
And it keeps coming in one long shout. It pours out of me like sand out of a broken hourglass. I think maybe it will never stop. The pain is so much a part of me, even my skin hurts, my scalp, my eyes, my insides.
He’s gone.
He said he always knew it would come to this. So all this time, he was planning to sacrifice himself?
So many moments pile up in my head. Little things he said. Was this part of why he tried to stay away from me? To save me the pain of this moment? Oh goddess…our bonding. He was so happy. Was that because he was ensuring that after he did this, he’d still be able to find me again in another life? Because of how hard I pushed him to stay with me?
Guilt spills over the wave of loss, slamming through me hard. I can’t do this. I can’t. I can’t…
“Meren,” a voice whispers in my head. “Meren, stop.”
It’s jarring mostly because it’s a single voice in the midst of the chaos of the Shadows inside me. I catch my breath at the sound, going still. That was his voice. Reven’s. Velvet and iron.
But…not.
“Don’t speak to me,” I whisper. An order. I can’t stand it.
The cruelest trick of all is to hear him when it’s not him.
Eidolon’s Shadows quiet. Did they actually listen?
I gather myself, putting the imperious command of my grandmother into every syllable I utter. “Do not move. Do not speak. I don’t want to know you’re there. Ever.”
