Page 28 of Ravage
I raise my hands in a fighting stance with my knives poised to strike if he takes another step closer. “You look like crap,” I tell him honestly.
He takes me in while sucking on his cigarette and then smiles, smoke billowing from between his lips. “Aw, don’t be like that, beautiful.”
The old nickname stabs at my chest, and I grit my teeth from the painful memory. “Don’t call me that.” Don’t make this harder than it already is.
His face twists and darkens, but I don’t understand what I’ve said that could have possibly upset him. He wanted nothing to do with me anymore, right? So, why make this more painful by rehashing old nicknames and memories?
By calling me the one thing he never called anyone else. The nickname that made me feel beautiful. Special. Wanted.
And we both know that’s not what I am to him anymore.
He draws on the smoke again, and even though I tell myself that I shouldn’t give two shits about him or why he looks like he does, I can’t stop the words from tumbling out. “Smoking is a nasty habit. Maybe start with fixing that. And a haircut.”
“I don’t need advice from you,” he sneers, taking another deep drag and getting closer to me like he’s going to blow smoke in my face. I bring my blades against his gut and throat.
“Don’t you dare blow that at me. I’ll stab and leave you here.”
Kellan turns his head to expel the smoke and chuckles darkly. “Oh, you could do so much better than knives. Why are you bothering with them when we both know the real weapon is you?”
He snatches my wrist and pulls it closer to him until a line of red wells up between him and the knife. “We both know you can never hurt me, but it’s cute to see you try.” He drops my hand and raises his arms up. “Go ahead. Do your worst. Let’s see what you’ve got.”
I yank the knives away, and if I slash his skin while I’m at it, then so be it. “What’s the matter with you? You turn into a masochist or something?” I scowl at him and wipe the bloodied blade against the inside of my dress.
He scoffs and tosses his cigarette to the ground, then steps on it. He raises the bottle to his lips and drinks like he’s gasping for air. It stretches out his torso, though, and I get a clear view of the scratch healing itself and then changing from skin to…something else. We never figured out exactly what it was. Just that it was hard and impenetrable once it filled in.
His gift made him invincible. Any injury would self-heal and then be covered in golden scales and impenetrable skin for the next hour that nothing could pierce through or scratch. He was right; I couldn’t hurt him. No one could.
But that was one of the reasons why I’d leaned on him so much when I was younger.
He was safe from me. Always.
But now, he doesn’t look at me like someone he wants to protect. He looks at me like the bad guy.
And I am.
“Good to know you spent your freedom doing nothing but smoking and drinking your life away.” I funnel my anger at this entire situation that I’ve gotten myself wrapped up in tonight at him. I can’t take much more of this. I need to push them away so we can all keep our distance from each other.
Kellan smashes the bottle on the ground and turns on me. Okayyy. He may look like shit, but he’s also huge. His body blocks out the light when he faces me until I’m lost in his shadow. “You don’t know anything of what I’ve done these last five years.”
“Of course not! You all left me behind. Whose fault is that?”
“Yours!” he roars. “When you betrayed us!”
“I didn’t, I—” I slam my mouth shut and look away. I can’t let the truth slip out. No matter what they say.
His hands grab my shoulders. “Tell me. Give me a reason that we can put the past behind us, beautiful.” Kellan’s expression is almost desperate. I’ve never seen him like this; like everything in the world has narrowed down to this one request.
I squeeze my eyes closed. I can’t look at him without wanting to break my promise. I knew it would be hard. But knowing did nothing to prepare me for this.
If I told them, it would all be for nothing. The year I endured with Gordon. Keeping Vera’s image preserved for Dane’s sake.
It doesn’t change the fact that I killed her.
I don’t deserve forgiveness after everything I’ve done. Knowing Kellan, he’d probably give it to me anyway.
I can’t give in just because seeing them again is hard. My promise to own what happened and protect Dane from Vera is stronger than this.
“I can’t,” I gasp out. “I made a promise.”
