Page 16 of A Banh Mi for Two
Not this conversation again. Is this why she brought up Trâm?
Not looking at my face, she cuts open another mango, peeling the skin before answering me. “You were talking to the international students, weren’t you? It’s okay if you want to go to college. I can take care of the stall myself.”
I look down at my sandals, gritting my teeth. My muscles feel tight and the sweat on my forehead suddenly becomes unbearable. I shake my head. “You’re wrong, Má. College is unnecessary. And I’d be bored every day.”
She makes a tch sound with her tongue. “But—”
“Má, I don’t want to go.”
Má sighs and closes her eyes. My stomach is in knots, tangled by shame and guilt and hurt. I hate lying to her. I hate that we always circle back to this conversation. I know Má would say that this is what Ba would have wanted me to do. But what Ba wanted doesn’t matter anymore, especially now, because he’s not here. I force myself to swallow the mango’s sourness and the wave of grief threatening to overtake me.
“You can go rest, Má. Go have some lunch.” I hand her a water bottle as an offering, an exchange of peace to let her know that I’m not mad—I never am. But I don’t want to talk about university. I know it’s a privilege to go, and I should go.
It’s the right, linear life path. But what if I want to do something else? But that doesn’t matter, because I need to focus on what’s in front of me—the bánh mì stall. Family.
Má takes the bottle and reluctantly gets up. “Con, I worry about you sometimes. You push yourself very hard.”
My chest throbs. “Má, you don’t need to worry.”
“But I have to. You’re my daughter. My family.”
I squeeze her hand. “I’ll be okay. Remember to take your medicine after lunch.”
She holds my gaze, squeezing my hand back. “Con, you don’t have to worry so much. I’ll be fine.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, nodding as the warmth of her palm slips through mine. Right after Ba’s accident, I often thought about scenarios where something really, really bad happened to Má and tried to figure out what I would do in that situation. Find the nearest clinic and the best nurses in case her pain worsens. Have the phone number of everyone she talks to. Try to text Tri?t every five minutes—I’d worry him sick with my antics.
With all my fussing, no wonder I wasn’t the first person she told about her diagnosis.
I cool the beads of sweat on my neck with a damp cloth, my fingers clenching the material too tight. I scrub the towel on my face until my cheeks are raw. My eyes burn, and I slump my head onto my knees. Sài Gòn noises whirl by me, no one pausing to look. I feel small—just a girl on a plastic stool in the middle of one of the busiest cities in the world. Everyone has things to do, places to be. That American girl, she has somewhere to be, too. She’s here for a short time before she goes home or maybe to a different city. She’ll travel. See the world. Leave home. Find herself. Despite how much I envy her, my mind replays the small interaction between us. For once, someone cared enough to ask for my name. In that moment, I wasn’t just a street food seller. I was Lan.
Chapter TenVIVI
Lan.
Orchid flower, according to Google. She fits her name, beautiful and elegant. I replay the moment her hand touched mine over and over. To put a face to all the bookmarked pages, to the Instagram I’ve looked at every day, and to the girl who brought me here—I can’t even describe this feeling. But I remember how my breathing slowed as I watched her gracefully make bánh mì.
I roll into bed with a stupid smile on my face, my heart pounding at the thought of her… Of all her followers, she shared her name with me. Well, I did pry it out of her. But she still gave it to me, so she trusts me. Right? Either way, something changed—I felt it in the way her gaze softened at me, and how her mouth twitched when I started pouring my heart out to a stranger.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this.” Cindy snaps me from my thoughts. I had just finished explaining how I crashed into Lan last night and all the cosmic forces that led us to each other. Cindy plops next to me. “But maybe you were destined to meet.
“What’s next?” she asks. “Your long-lost-but-not-really-lost family?”
“No, this was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of luck, so who knows if it’ll happen again? Someone must be pulling miracles if I do find my mom’s family.”
“Or you could just ask your mom.”
“That’s a one-in-a-million chance of ever happening.”
She rolls her eyes, laughing. “Well, at least now I’ll still get to watch a beautiful friendship blossom between you and your favorite person in the world.”
“Favorite person in the world?” I cringe. “You’re so dramatic.”
“You read her blog at least once a day, and I’m the only one who has to listen to you talk about it. Now I’m free—you can talk to her, and I’ll be here watching and cheering.” She giggles. “Maybe it’s time for you to have some romance, too. Ask her on a date—”
“Are you kidding?” She cannot be serious. What if I scare Lan away? Plus, I don’t even like her like that. “She’s someone I respect… not a crush or whatever you think this is.”
“Oookaaayyy. You can still respect someone and have a crush on them.”
