Page 68 of A Banh Mi for Two
“Why didn’t you tell me all of this? Why did you keep Vi?t Nam from me?”
She sighs. “Because to me, for a long time—and still now—Vi?t Nam has always been full of hurt, full of sadness. It was a dangerous place when I grew up, and I wanted to protect you. I know I should have told you a long, long time ago, should have let my sister and mother know about you—but after running away from home like that, I just didn’t know how to tell them anything except wishing them well every time I wire them money. I was willing to live like that—to never come home again. Until you, con, pushed me to. I didn’t know how much I’ve missed this city until I was home.”
“Do you still feel the same, now that you’re here? That everything is dangerous, and you want to leave again?”
She shakes her head. “No, only a little bit. This city has changed a lot. I have changed a lot. Even you, con, you’ve grown so much these past few months.”
“I… really love Sài Gòn, Mom.”
She nods. “I know, con, and you’ve always deserved to be here, to be with your family, and to know about Vi?t Nam.”
Chapter Thirty-ThreeLAN
Tri?t and Má insisted that I take the day off. This time, I listened to them. I do my usual morning routine: sweep the yard, water the orchids and herbs, and kiss Ba’s picture on the altar. Then, instead of running out to the bánh mì stall, I make myself walk to the bakery. Ba’s books have been there for too long. It’s time I bring them home.
“Good morning, Lan!” Chú Hai calls when I open the door. “What brings you here today? Tri?t already picked up the baguettes this morning.”
I clear my throat. “I’m here for the books.”
He gives me a thumbs-up and disappears into the back, coming back with the box, which has been well cared for. “That’s unusual. Is today a special day that I should know about?”
I smile at him. “I just felt like being brave today.”
Not a lie. I’m still unsure if I’m ready to talk to Vivi again, but being brave also means taking one step at a time.
Waving goodbye to Chú Hai, I run toward the flimsy door and hike up to my favorite rooftop. The spot that used to be Ba’s favorite, too.
Flipping open the first book from the box, I see Ba’s handwriting scribbled across the top. A masterpiece and must-read, he wrote. I crack a smile. He annotated the entire book, writing down all his thoughts as he read. I flip through every page, carefully reading his annotations (Brilliant! What an idea! Beautiful!), brushing my fingers over his writing. Then, he wrote on the last page of the book, To Lan, if you’re ever bored and want some rainy day reads, this one’s for you. Laughing to myself, I clutch the book closer. Then I let the tears fall again.
I continue flipping through each book, tracing his thoughts and writing, and smiling to myself whenever I find my name.
Ba hoarded books because he wanted me to read them so he could hear my thoughts. I turn to the last page of the book in my hand and nearly cry again.
For when you grow up, he wrote.
As time passes and Sài Gòn comes alive, I stay where I am, reading through Ba’s warm, loving words.
He’d write for when you meet the love of your life or for when you don’t know what to do, as if he was afraid that he wouldn’t be there for me when those things happened.
By the time that I’m finished, the sun has already gone to sleep. I breathe in the cool air, lie down, and stare at the bright sky. Tonight, Lyra and Orion join the Big and Little Dipper.
Ba, are you smiling at me from up there? I hope you are. I miss you so much. Please don’t be upset that I took so long to come around. I promise I’ll still take care of Má, but this time, I want to take care of myself, too.
I want to make you proud.
The North Star twinkles back at me as if hearing my wishes.
I’m drifting off to sleep when my phone rings next to me. “Hello?” I mumble.
Tri?t’s voice comes through, although I hear Cindy in the background as well. “Hey, uh, are you by any chance with Vivi right now?”
My heart drops. “No, why? Did something happen to her?”
He sighs. “Cindy says that she dropped Vivi off at her mom’s childhood home a while ago but she still hasn’t come back to the dorm, and she’s not responding to her texts, either. We’re just worried.”
I jump up, grab the box, and start running down the hill. “I’ll find her. Don’t worry.”
“Are you sure? We can go together.”
