Page 97 of Trials of a One Night Stand
Refraining from offering unsolicited legal advice, comments on firm branding, or suggestions regarding office décor unless explicitly requested under duress.
ARTICLE III: PATERNITY LEAVE
3.1 The Party of the First Part agrees to take a minimum of twenty-six weeks of paternity leave upon the arrival of The Upcoming Joyful Bundle. During said leave, the Party of the First Part shall:
Master the art of diaper changing and late-night bottle warming, earning an honorary degree in Baby Operations Management.
Perfect the skill of swaddling without inciting cries of protest, becoming a certified Baby Burrito Technician.
Engage in daily readings of legal briefs and scientific journals to The Upcoming Joyful Bundle to ensure early exposure to legal vocabulary and scientific concepts, with occasional guest readings of bedtime stories for levity.
ARTICLE IV: MUTUAL RESPECT AND HARMONY
4.1 The Parties agree to cultivate a partnership based on mutual respect and love, with frequent reference to and reliance upon:
Shared laughter during stressful situations, with a minimum of three dad jokes per week.
Date nights that do not involve boardroom meetings or courtrooms, with an emphasis on spontaneity and dessert and sexy times once fed.
Spontaneous dance parties in the kitchen when the mood strikes, preferably to retro tunes.
Lovemaking that brings pleasure and delight, with mandatory cuddling sessions thereafter.
ARTICLE V: MISCELLANEOUS PROVISIONS
5.1 This Agreement shall be governed by the laws of Love and Laughter, with venue in the hearts of the Parties.
